Sometimes it feels like we work so hard to make money—and then we subtly sabotage ourselves. Maybe we overspend, or we just don’t make enough in the first place– our work efforts become inconsistent, or we just drop the ball on something. And then we blame ourselves! So what is this really about? Why would we do anything that didn’t completely support our desire to have and keep more money in our lives? After all, we’re working hard!

Well…. It’s likely linked to an unconscious money belief. What you believe about money—deep down—affects your behavior. What you experienced as a child around money informed your earliest beliefs about finance.

If, for example, you grew up hearing your parents fight about money, you likely connected money to pain and conflict. You developed an early belief that money can harm relationships. As an adult, you may think many wonderful things about money. But if a part of you still believes that money can cause pain (it made mom cry), you will likely sabotage your efforts at making money, at some point.

Most of us were raised by parents who did the best they could in their individual circumstances. This isn’t about blame. It’s about trying to figure out what our buried beliefs about money really are—where did they come from and how do they affect us?

Here are some questions to ponder and journal on:

How was money handled in your family? Was there enough money? Did your parents fight about money or was it handled in secret? Did your family have any sayings about money? (For example, “Money doesn’t grow on trees, you know!”) Did your parents model different things than they actually said? If you had to guess, what would they (the people who raised you) say the “point” of money was? Was money for luxuries and spending, or only for necessities? Was it okay to spend money on yourself, or only on other people?

Remember, the biggest battle is to figure out what you believe about money in the first place. You can’t shift what you believe if you don’t know what you believe.

Laura’s Story

Laura grew up poor—very poor. As a little girl, she has vivid memories of her parents fighting about money. One time she remembers hiding in a closet and listening to her mother cry while her father screamed about not being able to buy a better car after their car broke down (again). She learned quickly to “disappear” when her parents talked about money or paid the bills.

When she was eleven, her mom gave her twenty dollars to go to the corner grocery store and buy some groceries. Laura agonized over the few purchases, trying to make the money go as far as possible. When she returned with her purchases, she felt proud and grown up. But when her mother unloaded the grocery bag, her mom became upset at how little Laura had purchased and how much money Laura had spent on the bread. Sick inside, Laura vowed to do better next time.

As an adult looking back on these experiences, she realized she had many money messages that wreaked havoc in her life. For one, she believed that money did cause pain, as she had seen it upset her parents. As an adult, she hid from money, keeping it as far from her as possible. Of course she had never thought about this. She didn’t mean to keep money away from herself! But just thinking about it brought up old feelings. And she also realized that one of her money messages was that it was best to get by on as little as possible. Keep your needs small so they are easier to satisfy. Laura also realized that deep down, she didn’t feel she could be trusted with money.

As Laura wrote and processed her money history, she began to make many connections as to how she handles money as an adult. And she began to see how it fueled her underearning. She wondered if one of the reasons she didn’t make more was because she didn’t trust herself with money—and besides, she kept her needs so small that she didn’t need to make a lot of money….

What do YOU believe?

So what do you believe? Do you believe it is possible to be “good” with money? Do you believe there truly is enough money and that you deserve to have money? If your parents did not give you these beliefs, it is still possible to believe and experience this. But you have to be more conscious about it. Be clear about what messages you inherited. It’s not possible to change what you believe until you get clear on your money beliefs in the first place. From there, a whole new world opens up where you get to consciously decide what you believe and how you want to live. I believe that the more conscious you are about your money beliefs—both the old beliefs you are ready to let go of, and the new beliefs you want to embrace, the more abundance you can allow into your life.

Want more?

In September I am offering a four week class on writing your personal money autobiography. We will uncover your money beliefs so you can shift your relationship to money. This class is amazing. If you like journaling and are ready to dig down and see what you really believe, so you can earn more with ease, join me. If you register before September 1st, you may register for $149. I’ve limited this class to 15 women so we have time to really share our money stories and get clear on our core money beliefs. If you are ready to take your relationship to money to the next level, this is the way to do it. http://www.womenearning.com/writing-your-personal-money-autobiography-teleclass/