So— I just read the most depressing article on divorced women and retirement funding. And it REALLY pissed me off. Perhaps not for the reasons you think. We have all heard how divorced women have less money for retirement, and often less money period.
But this article was so damn depressing I thought, “Okay, I’m divorced. So I guess I’m just screwed. I’d best just jump off a bridge now and be done with it. Since I sure as hell don’t want to live UNDER the freaking bridge.”
Now I’m not sure this is the effect they were looking for. And keep in mind that I’m a money coach, for god’s sake. But this article really hit me. (I’ve been stewing on it for a couple of weeks. I won’t even link to it here- it’s too depressing. On Slate.com. Email me if you want the link.)
I mean, what is the point of scaring people? To be clear, the article was not on how to get a better divorce settlement. Now THAT could be helpful. If you are divorced, well, you are divorced. And are you trying to scare women in to staying in bad marriages? Really? So if you are in a horrid, or just loveless, this-chapter-in-my life-has-definitely-run-its-course (and I may have married the wrong guy to begin with) marriage, well, too bad. No matter how bad it is, you should stay married. Are you kidding me?? REALLY???
I think not.
I am divorced and I have created a wonderful life for myself. It’s not what I saw for myself 15 years ago. My house is smaller. But my house is wonderful and so truly “me” that it’s the favorite hangout spot for many of my friends. (Some of whom have bigger houses.) And in many ways my life is even more wonderful that I could have imagined.
Having to be super conscious about creating a new life will do that to you. There is nothing in my life that I do not want in my life.
My mother divorced, and her generation of divorced women really skew those depressing stats in a downward death spiral. BUT she has used her creativity, practicality and general even-keeled view of life to create a life that is envied by many of her friends (and some of mine as well.) Oh- and she retired last year and is having a great time!
So- I share my pissed-offness to say, if you are divorced, you CAN thrive and create an amazing life. It takes thoughtfulness in a different way. It takes conscious living. And it takes a willingness to really look at what you value so you can have more of that, and less of what you don’t. If you do have less money, there is simply no room for things that don’t light your fire. (And if you are working, there is wonderful new fuel to take your career and sacred earning to a new level.)
In fact, many divorced women I know are actually living more authentic and joyful lives then before they divorced (we divorced for a reason, remember?) They are focused on intentional life creation. Do they have to be? Yes. The downside is that the stats tell us that if we are not super intentional and really look at our relationship to money, we risk not having enough. But when we step back and ask “what is enough?” and how do I use my creativity to create a new life of MY own design, all things are possible. Really.
Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work. Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.
