Dare I say there is a silver lining to divorce? Well, there is.  You get a fresh start in so many ways. And your relationship to money is one of these “fresh start opportunities”.

Now that you are single, you get to do money the way YOU want to. However, we all know that post-divorce, you may be stressed about money. There is sometimes less money, different expenses, potential career changes, and houses that must be settled. In the midst of so much chaos, you may think, how can there be anything positive? The positive is that this new life is YOURS.  You can set up fresh accounts at your own bank, pay bills the way you want to, and spend on what matters to YOU.

More than this, divorce gives us an opportunity to engage in “conscious life design”. That’s my way of saying- create a life that YOU love- a life of your own making. 

Creating Your New Life

I have studied psychology and how to create a life of your own choosing, for many years. There are wonderful tools- from vision boards to all sorts of ways to “desire map” your life. (Danielle LA Porte’s “The Desire Map” is on my favorite book list.)  But what is often missing from the conversation about “how to create an amazing life” and “how to manifest your life goals” is the money piece. When you infuse money- how to handle it, think about it, use it wisely– you really CAN create a life of your choosing.

Money is the ultimate tool for designing a new life you love.

I wish so many of us didn’t have to divorce to get to this piece. But so many people marry young, and create busy lives with years full of children, career and our marriage partnership. And money is often a topic of frustration between couples with differing styles, so years can go by without people looking at it clearly, let alone getting a good handle on it.

But now everything has changed. And you can use learning about money as a personal growth opportunity just for you. You can take the time to examine your emotions around money, your history around money, and your early money beleifs. Money IS emotional- and being able to examine our feelings around money- feelings about spending, earning, how much money there is, what we wish we could do, etc, is a huge game changer.

 Women are creative in this phase of life.

 We are creative beings. And women in this phase of life are extremely creative. On the other side of divorce, we are freed up from the drive to “have children” and sometimes we are freed up in other ways as well.  We look at everything with fresh eyes. Why? Well, we have to. Everything HAS changed, so it forces us to assess everything. We end up assessing our friendships- old ones strengthen, some friendships wither away, and new friendships come into being.

We often think about how we are dressing and taking care of ourselves, now that it is just us. We think about what WE want our homes to look like and feel like. We find fresh energy for our careers. We engage with our children in truly thoughtful and meaningful ways, as we help them weather a family divorce as well.

Divorce shakes us out of ruts. I don’t mean to make it all sound fun. Heck, it’s hard work. But none-the-less, like the phoenix rising from the ashes, we are reborn into a new life. So learning how to handle money in a lovely and easy way, ensures this new life is one we consciously create. Not just something that happens to us.

A tip for you- keep things simple

Here is a tip- use this as an opportunity to clean up accounts and start fresh- keep things simple and elegant, so you have an easy time seeing where all your money is going and coming from. Open up new accounts all at the same bank, and keep it simple. I recommend opening one checking account, one attached savings account and one credit card account at the same bank. This way you can log onto one interface and see all your accounts in one place. And refrain from opening up multiple accounts. Again,  keep it simple.

Here is a video I recorded on how to simplify your financial life. It’s perfect if you just went through a divorce. (Three minutes)

And here is the accompanying article I wrote on the art and magic of simplifying your finances. 

You can do it

You really can create a new life that you love, during this pivotal transition.  This is an opportunity to hit the reset button on your relationship to money. You can let go of unhealthy ways of relating to money and really befriend it. Truly.  And since it is just you, you can create a relationship with money that suits YOU.  

The process I coach people on is perfect for women post-divorce. It is about how to create a life you love, using your relationship to money as a way to craft it. It’s about getting a handle on expenses, and learning to plan where your money goes, so you don’t create debt. It’s about learning how to manage your cash flow to avoid financial stress, rebuild  savings and move into the future so you can work on growing your net worth. If you are curious about the tool I use and recommend for tracking and planning, it is www.moneygrit.com

Once it is just you, you can really give everything a fresh shot. There is no one telling you what to do. There is no one to react to. You get to spend the way you want, you get to decorate the way you want, you get to sleep in the middle of the bed and hang that picture he hated. 😉

So- since we have to “deal with money” anyways, why not use it as a vehicle for personal growth AND a way to create and design a life you love?