Siren Call: definition- The enticing appeal of something alluring but potentially dangerous; — “Unable to resist the siren call of the cards, she withdrew her savings and headed for Las Vegas.”

She succumbed to the siren call of new carpeting… and left the broken front porch … broken.

Ultimately, one of the most profound issues in healing our relationship to money is being willing to enter into a conversation about needs vs. wants. This subject can be deceptively simple. However, many people are not clear about what they need vs. what they want, so they spend a lot on their wants and neglect their needs. And some people neglect both sides, assuming it’s not possible to get their needs OR their wants met.

Wants are so alluring, aren’t they? We think our wants fulfilled will make us happier. And when they don’t, we move to the next want, hoping it will do the trick.

If you are still not satisfied after a big purchase, it is possible that the money would have given you a deeper sense of satisfaction if you targeted it to a need.

But wants sound so great- they sing to us like the sirens of Greek mythology- the beautiful but dangerous creatures that lured sailors with their enchanting musical voices to shipwreck…

And so it is that attending to our wants first will shipwreck our beautiful financial ship.

I remember years ago my mentor Karen McCall wrote that when we spend money on our wants before our needs, it is like we are putting up pretty wallpaper in a room that has faulty wiring sticking out. Wow. Here are some examples:

·         We buy lots of plants at the plant sale instead of having the front porch fixed

·         We spend money on fancy clothes, but we neglect our teeth.

·         We spend money on the new master bathroom, but we neglect our retirement funding.

Did you notice the word “neglect?” What are you neglecting or ignoring? What you ignore leaves you feeling depleted or deprived. And deprivation is the opposite of fulfillment.  And when you meet your true needs first, you feel fulfilled. 

Though you have to know what your needs are, in order to resist the call of the sirens.

Try this: 

Grab a piece of paper and make three long columns. In the middle column, start writing a list of needs and wants.  Just start writing. Don’t worry if it’s a need or a want. Just dump. Invite the Siren’s song. What calls to you? (When you listen to the sirens call in this way- writing down and acknowledging what is alluring to you, it actually makes you feel more grounded. It puts you in the adult role of naming your needs and desires, giving you the ability to discern.)

To help you brainstorm, think about these four areas: material items, services, experiences and feelings.

Material Items—what stuff do I need or want? Boots, a new couch, a better computer, more jewelry, a nicer dining room table, a house

Services—what services do I need or want? I want monthly professional hair coloring, monthly house cleaning, dental work, personal trainer

Experiences—what experiences do I need or want? I want two weeks in Hawaii. I want more mountain climbing.  I want to go to a musical this fall.

Feelings— What feelings do I need or want to have? I want to feel more secure (that might mean more savings), I want to feel more attractive (throw the tummy tuck on the list) I want to feel more confident (there’s the tooth whitening or attractive wool blazer)

And for a final doozy, answer this question: What am I tired of putting up with? I’m tired of that broken porch railing and cracked windshield

Now label the empty left column “need” and the right column “want”. Simply sit with your list and start moving the items to the left or right. For each item, ask yourself, “Do I need this or do I want this?” Is this necessary or would this be nice? Will I feel more fulfilled/ ‘right with the world’ with this? Should this be attended to? Can this wait?

Keep this list with you and chew on it. It is a process.

I sat on my couch just this weekend with a new list of needs/ wants jumbling and tumbling down a center column. I sat there and took in the siren’s call. So beautiful. And it took me a while to move each item left or right. Now I have my priority list. Will I attend to some of my wants? Absolutely. But when I do them, I will know that I am truly taking care of myself by attending to the needs first.

Then the wants will be all that much more satisfying.

Remember, when you call everything a NEED, you lose the ability to think through how to prioritize items, how to get projects done creatively, and what is really important to you.  Ultimately, this is about taking care of YOU.