Welcome to the Self Employed Life Blog! I was blogging earlier this year and took a hiatus. (You can see previous posts below. I kept the good ones.) Now that the blog is integrated into the www.womenearning.com website, it is so much better! This blog is dedicated to earning your worth, your own way.  I’m the founder of the Women’s Earning Institute, and I’ve been self-employed for more than a decade. In fact, I don’t think I’m “employable” anymore, in terms of the mainstream job market. Sometimes it makes me nervous. (Could I navigate traditional office software anymore?) But I rarely look back.

To me, being self-employed has become one facet of building a conscious life. It’s true that I became self-employed because my field (the psychology of money) didn’t really have a salaried counterpart. I started my first private practice in 1996 because that was the only way I knew to do the work I loved. I’m not sure how conscious I was at the time that I was embarking on being a business owner! Like many self-employed women, I did it because it seemed the logical thing to do at the time, and I loved my work. I loved the idea of flexibility and “being my own boss”. I loved being in charge. Back then, I didn’t love marketing, but I was willing to learn. And I knew that if I had children in the future, it would be easier with a flex schedule.

Well, a lot has happened in the last ten years! My career has evolved, and I like to think I’ve evolved along with it. Owning a business is an amazing personal growth opportunity, though it’s hard to think like that when things are not going well…. But the bottom line is, I strongly believe it IS possible to truly earn your worth, your own way. And to that end, this blog is dedicated. I welcome your comments.

I gave a keynote talk this weekend at a conference that addressed the deeper reasons why women undersell themselves. I call it “The Seven Earning Challenges Women Must Embrace”. (It’s a fabulous talk, but I need a catchier title…) Afterwards, as I was talking informally with the audience about some of these deeper psychological reasons women underearn, a woman raised her hand to say, “I just realized that if I don’t start, I won’t fail. If I really get going with my business, I’m not sure what will happen.” I’ve heard versions of this from numerous women. We are so afraid of failure and what it must say about us personally. Coupled with our drive for perfectionism, it DOES feel intimidating to launch a business, or start offering a new service. What if it doesn’t work? What if no one wants it or no one signs up? It can feel like the time you threw a party and almost no one showed up. You wish you could take back all the invitations.

The truth is that if you do launch something, it might not work. Gasp! Yes, it’s true. To make it easier to get going, I recommend we change our definition of success.

Stop measuring success by the results your new initiative achieves. Start defining success as the guts it takes to put out something new.

You are successful if you attempt to launch a new service. When you put yourself out there, that is a success. If it works, that is a SECOND success. Whenever we put ourselves and our businesses out there, we should clap ourselves on the back and say, “Yes! I’m doing it! I’m successful! I’ve put myself out there.” The results will be what they will be. It’s true that if you don’t start, you won’t fail. But you won’t move ahead either. And wonderful possibilities await.

It may sound paradoxical, but sometimes you have to take time off in order to make more money. What?! I find that people who struggle with earning issues never take a full day off. They are working a little bit, all the time. One of the keys to earning more money is to learn how to maximize your time. This means you work when you work and don’t work when you are off. I realize it sounds obvious, but it isn’t. Many self-employed people don’t take enough days off. They simply work too much and never rest. They never allow their batteries to re-charge. Of course they may not be working full days when they are working, which leads back to the pattern of working a little bit, all the time. Have you ever scheduled a day off and then found yourself returning phone calls, checking your work email and doing a little puttering around your office? Don’t! If you schedule a day off, don’t work! When you return, you will be rested, rejuvenated and ready to focus. Action item: Look at your calendar and decide on a “free day”. Promise yourself you will do no business work on that day.

This weekend I read a fascinating article on Dale Chihuly, the famous Northwest glass artist, called Inside the Glass Empire. The article discussed how Chihuly, always colorful and controversial, has built his profitable business. The following section caught my eye:

…Elliott, who worked for Chihuly in the 1970s and ‘80s, remembers their conversation when an Arizona craft gallery couldn’t sell a batch of glass cylinders. Chihuly looked at the prices and came up with a startling solution: “I bet if I add a zero to that they will get some respect.”
The higher prices helped push his work into the realm of fine art rather than craft—paying off brilliantly for Chihuly and eventually for others, too…. (Seattle Times, August 6, 2006)

Again, this goes back to price perception. Right or wrong, people value what they pay for. When you increase the price of your products or services, people believe they are worth more. We know this is not always true, but the PERCEPTION is that it must be a great service if it is expensive. So what does your price say about your service? Could you command more respect if you increased your price?

Well, I just broke my rule. I try to send out only two emails a month (newsletter and general tip/info) but there are some interesting local events coming up, and thought people may want to know about them. I worry about sending people too much stuff, about being perceived as being too “pushy”. Interesting. Then I was reflected on an intro meditation class I just took. I am contemplating taking a follow-up three month meditation intensive, and had briefly read a short flyer about it. I was waiting for our instructor, at the last class, to mention this upcoming intensive. She never brought it up. So I finally asked her about it. When she told our class about it, many of my classmates were intrigued and downright excited about the possibility. I think she didn’t want to be perceived as “selling” or being pushy. But often times people WANT to know what we have to offer! What about you? Do you neglect to tell people about events or services for fear of being seen as pushy? Could people benefit from knowing about them?

Many women simply don’t risk enough. Why? Risk is scary. And in truth, risk taking is about learning to tolerate anxiety. It is stressful to risk. Things might not work out. Being able to risk really means being able to deal with the possibility of defeat, and a lot of women tend to interpret defeat as rejection. Rejection always feels more personal than simple defeat.

Game-playing, which boys tend to engage in far more than girls, teaches kids that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. If boys interpreted all “losses” as “rejections,” their game playing careers would be short-lived! I hope that as more and more girls play sports, this will translate into their future business skills. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. It is not about rejection.

Many women simply haven’t had enough practice risking. Men tend to engage in risk-taking activities from a very young age. And while this may drive their mothers crazy, they are developing their risk muscles and learning to tolerate the anxiety that comes from risking, at a very young age.

Good Girls have an especially hard time risking. If they risk, they might upset the boat. Better to keep things the way they are. Don’t ruffle anyone’s feathers.
Unfortunately, without risking, it is hard to reach your full income potential. It is a risk to raise your rates. It’s a risk to offer a new service. It’s a risk to define a niche.

What about you? What risks have you taken that resulted in more money? And how have you dealt with the anxiety that comes from risking?

Robert Middleton, on his More Clients blog did a great post called Risking by Not Risking. He recommends creating a short list of things you are not doing or learning, because of the perceived risk, and then asking yourself these four questions:

1. Is this something that would truly benefit me if I learned it or put it into action?
2. What are some of the possible benefits I might gain if I learned or did this thing?
3. What could I potentially loose if I didn’t learn this thing or do this thing?
4. What’s the worst that could happen if I took a risk and learned this thing or did this thing?

For many of us, the greatest risk is not risking in the first place. Questions such as these help us put things in perspective. What is the worst thing that could happen? If we don’t name it, anxiety and fears loom larger then reality. Naming your fears help tame your fears.

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A lot of women in business struggle with being overly nice. When people ask us to do something, such as give away our time for free, we have a hard time saying no. This is part of the “Good Girl Syndrome”- we want everyone to like us and we don’t want to make anyone mad. Often times we say yes when we should say no, and then silently berate ourselves. The energy cost of saying yes too much is very great. In fact, giving our time and services away for free, or at a discount, is one of the number one ways that women underearn. (Underearning is the pattern of consistently earning less then you need.)

Here is a tip to help with this. Use “the pause”. The next time someone asks you to do something for free or at a discount, refrain from answering. Simply say, “let me think about it. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” It is ALWAYS okay to ask for time to think about something. Once you have some distance, and the person is not right in front of you, it is easier to think clearly. If saying yes is not in your best interest, you can plan your response. “Yes, I see the need, but all my extra time and energy is spoken for right now.” “Thanks for the opportunity, but it simply doesn’t work for my business to do that right now.” Using the pause helps the internal good girl gain perspective.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what your price says about you. It’s true that it can be very scary to occupy the high-end niche. Charging top dollar brings up a lot of issue for people. (“Who am I to charge that much?” “Am I really worth charging that much?”) But no matter what you charge, you are conveying a message. If you are at the bottom of your niche, what does that say?

A friend of mine who has heard me speak on pricing issues told me a fun story. She works for a puppet theatre that has many preschools and elementary schools as clients. One day, a woman who owned a local pre-school was sharing with my friend some of her financial frustrations. My friend advised her to start charging more money. The woman looked uncertain and said she was concerned people might not be able to afford her. My friend looked at her and said “You don’t want to be the Wal-Mart of preschools, do you?” The woman was aghast and raised her prices the following month.

What about you? Do you want to be the Wal-Mart of your niche?