Washington Post Reporter Julia Feldmeier called me a few weeks ago, wanting to interview me for an article on self-promotion in the workplace. I had a thing or two to say! I told her that women have to toot their own horn, regardless of how uncomfortable it is. Because whether you like it or not, you get what you demand, not necessarily what you deserve. (And yes, that quote ended up in the article!) She writes,

There is a reason the word “shameless” is so often paired with “self-promotion”: We are taught that bragging is bad, and self-promotion is regarded as, well, bragging. Or is it?

One of the important points she makes is that in school, our achievements tend to stand on their own. We are tracked through class rankings, test scores and multi-tiered sports. We’ve grown up believing that such measurements speak for us. The problem is that after school, we have to speak for ourselves. Check out the article: Bragging Right: How to Promote Yourself without Ruffling Too Many Feathers.

One tip: It’s often better to “show” your accomplishments with a story then simply telling someone everything you have achieved. In my case, I’ll often share success stories about clients (with their permission of course!) or feedback I’ve heard from women who attend my courses. “Seven women reported to me that they raised their rates after my class. I was so happy for them!” This is much more effective than simply saying, “I’m great!” and it’s more comfortable too. Can you craft some success stories that showcase something you’ve done for a client?

I keep thinking about the stated reasons women make less then men, and the differences between being salaried and self-employed. (In my previous post, the article mentioned negotiation skills, choosing lower paying work and lack of childcare as reasons that contribute to the pay gap.) Many women chose self-employment to help balance work with family, an important element of self-employment. But self-employment is not just about flexibility. We have to make good money, or we will have to go back to the corporate world. For those of us who are self-employed, we MUST keep on top of our negotiation skills and we must make sure we are pursuing work that pays well. So ask yourself: where is the money? Don’t launch a new service only because you see a need or it sounds interesting. Where is the money? Of all the services you could offer, which one pays the best? A profitable business will keep you self-employed! The world will be our oyster if, as self-employed women, we maintain flexible schedules, learn to ask for what we want (negotiate) and focus on having profitable businesses.

I was reading the Seattle Times yesterday, and there was the latest depressing article on the pay gap: Gender Pay Gap Emerges Early, Study Finds. Basically:

One year out of college, women working full time earn 80 percent of what men earn, according to the study by the American Association of University Women Educational Foundation, based in Washington, D.C. Ten years later, women earn 69 percent as much as men earn.

Ouch! What is concerning is that if these people are only one year out from college, parenthood hasn’t exacted the heavy toll that it takes on women’s careers yet. The article goes on to say that “These unexplained gaps are evidence of discrimination, which remains a serious problem for women in the work force,” I’m not sure I agree with this, however. Yes, there is discrimination in the workforce. No doubt. (Discrimination is one stated reason that salaried women leave to start their own companies.) But even this study talks about three different factors that cause this gap: women chose to go into lower paying fields from the beginning, such as teaching instead of science, and women are not tough negotiators for themselves. (Does teaching need to be paid more and valued more? Yes, it does. But the fact remains—women know the fields they chose do not always pay well.)

Women have control over these two factors—career choice and negotiation. While the answers are still difficult, this does not boil down to simple discrimination. Where it gets even more complicated, however, is the third factor: employers need to do more to accommodate the needs of mothers with young children. The world has changed, and corporations need to change also. Gone are the days of one working parent and one stay-at-home parent. If companies want to attract and keep female talent, they need to cater to working mothers. Inflexible corporate standards is one large reason why so many women leave traditional work and become self-employed. Did any of you become self-employed to escape pay discrimination and/or to have a more flexible schedule for your family?

I just got back from a trip to Las Vegas where I spoke at the International Mom’s in Business Conference, put on by the Moms in Business Network. What a great day! Working mothers came together to support each other in being mothers AND working women! Gina Robison-Billups, founder of the MIBN, said to me several times, “I just can’t believe there are no other large organizations dedicated to supporting working mothers.” Well, here is a great organization.

Besides speaking, I facilitated a luncheon panel of “Moms Who’ve Made a Million”. How powerful! I’ve spoken of the “mommy tax”- the issue that the biggest pay gap isn’t between men and women, but rather between women with children and everyone else. Yet where were three “Moms Who’ve Made a Million”! (Among them was Kate Everett-Thorp, CEO of Real Girls Media Network, and Marsh Engles, of the Marsh Engles Show.) It is so inspirational to see women with children who are making fabulous money.

The most common question was, “How do you balance motherhood and working?” To various degrees, all the women answered, “Delegate domestic work!” These women valued their families and their careers, in that order. But the rest—they outsource. They hired housecleaners, organizers, you name it. One millionaire mom (Lisa Hammond, CEO of Femail Creations) said that when she’s really busy, they eat every meal on recycled paper plates. Cleanup is a snap. She can go from eating with her kids to playing games after dinner, and skip the clean-up! She told a story about her daughter coming home from a stay-at-home mom’s house, and how strange it was that the family ate on “hard plates” and put everything into serving dishes before the food was put on the table. What a waste of time, said her daughter! They just had more dishes to wash!

Today I had a fabulous radio interview with Marsh Engles of the Marsh Engles radio show. We discussed why women really undersell themselves. As a “creative consultant”, she made an interesting point. Sometimes women have a hard time charging enough money if what they are doing is creative. Because this work may be “easier” for some of us, and closer to our hearts, we may feel funny charging top dollar for creative work. It’s important to be aware of this tendency. Stay focused on the value that you deliver to your clients. Even if you love the work and it is easy for you, that is no reason to undercharge! If your clients are gaining value from your work, they should pay you for this value and the results they receive from your work. Check out our radio interview here. It was a great conversation and I think you’ll pick up some good tips for charging good money and feeling good about it!

Today is April 24, 2007, and that means that we, as women have finally earned what the average man earned in 2006. Yep, you read that right. Each year, the National Committee on Pay Equity (NCPE) organizes the national observance of Equal Pay Day to raise awareness about unfair pay for women and people of color in America. Equal Pay Day is observed in April to indicate how far into each year a woman must work to earn as much as a man earned in the previous year. So this is the day that women’s wage’s catch up to men’s wages.

Now I write a lot about women’s pay, and I happen to think this issue is a lot more complicated than gender discrimination and the glass ceiling. Women play their own part in earning issues as well. But discrimination does indeed still exist, and there is a lot more work to be done. So I, for one, always want to commemorate this day.

Being self-employed means you do so much yourself! I have these moments when I grip the desk and say, “Should I really be the one doing this? I mean, who is in charge here?! Oh crap. It’s me.” With so many tasks to do, it really makes you confront your perfectionist tendencies! So when it was time to do my first press release, I had to tell myself, “OK, this is not the time to do a perfect press release. I’ll do that next year. For now, I’ll do one that is good enough.” So I did two things. I ordered Nancy Juetten’s Media-Savy-To-Go Publicity Tool Kit. Then I went to www.prfree.com and ordered their ezine on writing press releases. I gave myself one week to digest the material (I had to schedule in the time to read all of this in my calendar) and then I sat down to write a press release celebrating the first year in business for the Women’s Earning Institute. I had Googled “Press Releases” and found www.prfree.com, so I decided to use them. So I signed up and spent my $72 to distribute my one page “imperfect masterpiece”. The result? Well, Oprah hasn’t called me yet to discuss why women undersell themselves, but the press release is popping up under Google in a couple of places. So that is good. Good enough. Good enough. Good enough.

Years ago, I heard Woman Business Owner of the Year Mimi Kirsch speak at Seattle Women Business Owners. She owns Paradigm Communications (they produce the in-flight magazines Alaska Airlines and Horizon Air) and she was addressing working mothers. I remember her message very well. If stay-at-home mothers like being at home, their children are happy. If they don’t like being at home, their children don’t do as well. If working mothers like their work and communicate this to their children, their children are very well adjusted. If they communicate that they hate having to work etc, their children are not as well adjusted.

Once, when I had to work in the evening, I communicated to my young son that I didn’t want to go. I just want to work that night. Oh my gosh. My normally self-reliant kid glommed onto my leg and pleaded with me, “Momma, pleeeese don’t leave me”. The picture was complete with big eyes and a tear or two. The next time I had to work in the evening, I communicated how happy I was to go do what I was doing, and how interesting it was going to be for me. He was a totally different kid. He looked up briefly from his Legos to say “Bye mom! Dad and I are having pizza!”

The lesson—if you have children, communicate to them that you like your work. They will be happier and better adjusted. Kids pick up on our discontent and it affects them. Kids need to see positive examples of working women. Share your frustrations with your friends, not your kids.

This is just not working. As my final client for the day was writing me a check, I sent a quick instant message to my husband asking him if he could pick up our son from school today, even though it was my day to do it. He couldn’t. So I pulled it together, picked up our seven-year-old, raced back to my home office, and got back on the computer. I also supervised math homework, produced an after school snack and directed a change of clothes, all while sending out emails and revising a talk I would be giving the next day.

This is not working. Our son is in after school care two days a week, and we pick him up the rest of the time. But my “quality” time with him on those days isn’t quality, and the motherly guilt mounts. As I was meditating on this situation in the shower (we have a huge water bill, and well worth it), I decided that I could commit to picking him up one day a week, and that would be a “quality” afternoon. My husband agreed to one afternoon (we are both self employed) so that left one day that needed to be filled. Of course he also wants to take swimming lessons (I had visions of balancing my laptop at the poolside) so I decided to ask my mother’s best friend, who often baby-sits him and adores him, if she would consider picking him up from school one day a week, supervise his homework and take him to swim lessons. Since she could use the extra money and they adore each other (she doesn’t make him eat his vegetables….) it looks like it will work out.

The lesson– the joy of self-employment is flexibility. But it still takes us a while to figure out when things aren’t working. So what isn’t working for you? Get creative. There is usually more than one solution.

The time has come to lease outside office space. I’ve seen clients out of a home office for nearly a decade. I set it up that way on purpose. When we were looking for a house, we chose a certain layout so I could see clients in a home office. On the whole, I’ve enjoyed it. There are ups and downs though. The upside is that I have no commute, I can wander into the kitchen for lunch and I can still work in my office when my son is home (though he is gone during “client days”) The downside is that we have to keep the house looking neat, it requires a larger house, and I finally seem to be losing some of my work-life boundaries. I’m big on boundaries, and for years I simply shut the office door at 5pm. But the Women’s Earning Institute is growing so fast and there is so much to do! I seem to be working all the time. If I’m not with clients or my groups, I’m with subcontractors working on various projects. And I am renting a lot of outside space to run all of my groups, which is getting expensive. (I’m paying $20/hour to rent “conference space” at various places in Seattle.) A home office can no longer contain the Institute. So I’ve put the word out to my network. The dilemma is that I need full time space. A lot of people are subletting space a few days a week. I’m already beyond that. And people have advised me to “look around” in the neighborhoods where I want my office. Yes, in my spare time, I drive around the city…. I should have tuned into this need sooner, really. I need outside/larger office space three months ago! The launch pad doesn’t even fit in here! Stay tuned. Arg!