What does it take to be a truly successful woman? At the top of the list is the ability to take risks. But if you risk, it may not always work out. So to be truly successful, women must have the ability to not only tolerate, but learn from their mistakes.

I’ve made mistakes and had some whopping failures. Like when I rented seminar space at the Hilton for a big seminar and then failed to market it adequately. (Looking back, I don’t think my mailing list was large enough to support a seminar of that size. There is a learning!) When I ask women about their business failures, they often look at me blankly, or they simply recoil. Failure! What a loaded word! We don’t want to talk about them, let alone brag about them. But failures are simply mistakes—and we all know logically that you can’t really learn anything without making mistakes. Mistakes can be our greatest teachers.

The bottom line is that often times women don’t risk enough to make any big mistakes in the first place. If you can’t easily come up with some whopping failures—things you tried and didn’t work—that is a sign that you are not taking big enough risks to begin with. We should all have failures that we are proud of. They are badges of honor that show we are out there taking risks and trying to move forward.

In a recent business support group I ran, we did a “failure circle”. We all went around and shared a business failure/mistake we made, and what we learned from it. Someone volunteered that she had heard of the “goddess of mistakes”—that you HAVE to feed this goddess or she gets very hungry. So as we went around the circle, several of the women began, “Here is how I fed the goddess of mistakes….” By the time we finished our circle, we all felt lighter, and inspired by what each other had shared.

Are you risking enough? If you would like to make more money, you will have to risk, and risking is uncomfortable. But you must be willing to be uncomfortable. And you must be wiling to endure making some mistakes. With mistakes come experience and a sense of “well, let’s try it this way.” Women who are successful are perseverant. They make mistakes and they learn from them, and then keep going.

So go ahead, brag about your mistakes! Feed the goddess of mistakes. Otherwise, she will get very hungry….

Here is one method that is respectful of your clients and feels may feel more comfortable to you.

Decide how much you are raising your rates and when the new rates will go into effect. Let’s suppose that it is September, you currently charge $100 per hour, and you want to increase your rate to $110 per hour the following January.

As soon as you decide to raise your rate, prospective clients are quoted the new price immediately. Do not give new in-coming clients the old rate and tell them that it will increase in January. Start charging the new rate as soon as you set it. You may have to work through some discomfort at stating your new rate to prospects.

To your existing clients, say this: “I want to let you know that I am raising my rates, but since you are a current client, I will not raise your rate for three months. My new fee is $110, and new clients are already billed this amount. I really value our work and enjoy working with you, so I am going to wait until January to raise your rate.” You are telling them that they are getting a deal and that others are already being charged more.

I have always followed this process when raising my rates. Because of the ongoing relationship, I give my existing clients about three months’ notice. When I tell them that I’m raising their rate but not for three months, they often thank me, especially when they know that others are already paying more.

I announce a rate-hike in a letter that doubles as a marketing opportunity. I send my clients a letter that has other information (new schedule, hours, services, and so on), and in the letter, I inform them that I’m raising my rate.

A colleague of mine sent out a letter to all her past clients, informing them that she was raising her rates. (She had asked for my advice on how to do this.) She had not seen some of these clients in a long time. She was nervous about announcing a rate hike and wondered if she would lose current clients, but she made herself send the letter anyway. She also used the letter as a reason to inform her clients of some of her expanded services and other news items. Imagine her surprise when two old clients, whom she had not seen in a very long time, called her the week they received her letter and booked appointments with her! The letter had, in effect, reminded them about her and her wonderful services, and they couldn’t wait to get back in!

If you want help with this subject, check out www.ratesettingtoolkit.com. I’ve had so many people ask about this subject that I finally bundled the workbook and audios together.

Want more help transforming your relationship to money? Check out all the eBooks, audios, and more robust products Mikelann has created. Are you ready to break free of the “money fog” and step into earning what you are worth? Are you are ready to get in touch with your emotions so you never feel out of control around money again? Are you ready to love your financial life? Let Mikelann help you get there. Free items are at the top of the page.

Want to know one secret to feeling more deserving of money? Go to lunch with a woman who makes great money! (I’ve written before about spending time with the “upper third”.)
Two things to keep in mind:

It must be a woman. It doesn’t really help to spend time around men who make good money. We often times have issues with high income men. And we don’t need more examples of them anyway. But spending time with WOMEN, that is different. Because if they can do it, we can do it too!

It must be a woman you like and respect. So many of us have issues around “noble poverty” and the belief that there is some virtue in not having a lot of money. We sometimes assume really good people shouldn’t be too attached to making money. But when you spend time with people you like and admire, who earn good money, this affects you. Maybe you CAN make great money and still be a good person!

I recently went out to lunch with Kristen Schuerlein, of Affirmagy. (She sells affirmawraps – blankets silkscreened with powerful affirmations—and she gives some of the money back to the community.) She is a superb business woman who isn’t ashamed of her money. She worked hard for it! And she wants other women to do well, also. Spending time with her was like a breath of fresh air. We laughed and laughed, while comparing notes on being women business owners. I left feeling optimistic about earning the big bucks. If she can do it, I can too! And of course money is a good thing, and yes I deserve more of it! (I already own her “abundance” blanket!)

Make that your assignment this month. Find someone you like whom you think is successful, and ask them to lunch. It is very powerful!

There has been a lot of talk lately about women and negotiation in the workplace. But I want to point out that the most important negotiation women need to do is actually on the home front. The greatest inequality between men and women is in the home, not in the work place. Full time working women still put in DOUBLE the number of hours in the home than men do! (Cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning the house, supervising the kid’s homework…) So if you want to earn your worth, you have to contend with the dreaded “second shift”.

When I increased my own work hours, I sat down with my hubby and had a talk. We negotiated the dinner schedule. He now cooks dinner three nights and I cook dinner three nights. (We seem to wing Saturday.) This really frees up my energy and allows me to work more effectively. We also had a talk about homework—who was supervising it etc.

Do you need to sit down and negotiate some things on the home front? Here is a four minute TV interview I did for women re-entering the workforce where I discussed this. (Go to the Press Room at www.womenearning.com if you have trouble with the link.)

I did an all day seminar on How to Set and Raise Your Rates, and have been thinking about the feedback. (The next seminar is November 9th in Seattle.) People loved learning the formulas and the true cost of discounting etc. (This stuff is just not taught!) But I love this comment:

One of the biggest benefits I went away with is the realization that I have been setting my rates based on MY perception of what I’m giving (which seems so simple to me), rather than charging my clients for THEIR benefits or results received. What an eye-opener! That awareness, alone, gives me the confidence to raise my rates and to quote them to prospects and existing clients with my head held high!

Don’t charge your clients for what you are doing. Charge them for the results that they get. You may be quite used to your work. It might even be simple and easy to you! If you charge according to what you do, your rates might be all over the place, depending on how you are feeling. But what do they get from working with you? More peace and less stress perhaps? That is worth a lot of money. Charge for the results you deliver– not for how you do what you do. (By the way, I just put up www.ratesettingtoolkit.com.)

I’ve got five brilliant ideas, all of which could make money, and my head is spinning. But I seem to be going in too many directions and not making progress anywhere. Then I read Karyn Greenstreet’s latest (August 07) Self-Employed Success Newsletter. (Karyn is a fabulous business coach. Her website is http://www.passionforbusiness.com.) She identified my culprit: The Bright Shiny Object Syndrome. She writes:

It seems to be a trend that’s growing: small business owners are getting distracted by too many ideas or the latest fad, going off in a million directions and never completing anything. This loss of focus is costing you hundreds of hours a year in lost productivity, lost hours, lost dollars.
It even has a name: SOS – Shiny Object Syndrome. It’s not quite ADD/ADHD. It’s more that a new idea captures your imagination and attention in such a way that you get distracted from the bigger picture and go off in tangents instead of remaining focused on the goal.

Here are Karyn Greenstreet’s tips for not getting caught up in the Shiny Object Syndrome. Ask yourself:

• Is this right for my business?
• Do my customers want this and are they willing to pay for it?
• Do I have the time, resources, energy, and money to put into this to make it successful?
• Do I have too many open projects sitting on my desk that need to be finished before I begin something new?
• Do I have the ability to finish this new project, plus implement and maintain it?
• What has to drop off my radar in order for me to start something new?

Well, now that I look at her questions, I’m in a different frame of mind. I think I’ll focus on only two things that I’ve got the time, resources and energy to do!

Speaking of Practicing the Pause, I just got this email from Wyatt Bardouille, who interviewed me for their show WhitneyandWyatt.com. I asked her if I could share it.

Hi Mikelann– I just wanted to tell you that I put to use one of the tenets that you taught us on our show – Practicing the Pause. And it really came in handy! An acquaintance called and asked if I could volunteer some editing time with a group of children for an upcoming charity event. A request can’t get anymore benevolent than that. I barely have time to take a shower in the morning, I’m so busy, but I felt REALLY guilty about saying no, even though I don’t know this person very well, and I volunteer time and donate to charitable causes a lot.

So I just practiced the pause and let her talk a bit more. Then I said, “I’m super-swamped. Can I get back to you by the end of the week on this?”. That gives me time to think realistically about whether I can do this or not before committing. So thank you for that!!!!!

This is a great example. Share your example of practicing the pause!

During a recent Web TV interview for www.WhitneyandWyatt.com (I’ll post it as soon as I get it) they asked me, “What is one thing that women can do to stop underselling themselves?” Only one thing??!! But then I had it—“Practice the Pause”. The next time someone asks you to volunteer your time, discount your services or asks for something that you feel a tiny bit guilty saying no to, simply refrain from answering for a moment. Let them keep talking. Then say, “Let me think about this and get back to you.” This simple technique is incredibly effective. So often we say yes out of guilt, and then resent the time something takes, or the discount we are giving. So if you can’t say no on the spot, simply don’t say yes. Practice “The Pause”.

I practiced this today when someone called me up and asked me to give a free local talk. I needed time to sort out if it was worth it to me. Of course they wanted an answer from me right then. Too bad! I told them I would have to get back to them. Now I am sitting with it. Is it worth it? What do I need to get out of it to not resent the time it would take? But if I didn’t give myself “The Pause”, I wouldn’t have time to think deeply about it and reflect on what works for me. Practice The Pause.

Well, the Institute has landed! I signed on new lease space a month ago, and it feels great. What feels even better is how I negotiated the lease. The office space came with access to their conference room for a certain number of hours each month. That is great, since it is one reason I was interested in leasing the space. (I run a number of live support groups for women.) And of course this was put forth as “here is the price and this is what is included”. But what did I really want? I wanted even more hours included. So as I was looking at the space and admiring his building (which is very lovely!), I simply asked him, “Would it be possible to include this many hours in the same price?” He smiled and said he would think about it. When it came down to signing the lease, I brought it up again. (He didn’t bring it up!) “Have you thought about my request? Would you consider including more hours in the lease price?” This was uncomfortable. Asking for what we want and need is often uncomfortable. We fear rejection and ridicule. I knew rationally that if the answer was no, I could still have the office at the original price. But who wants to hear “no”? I made myself ask anyways, and decided to count it as a success regardless of the outcome. He smiled again and said, “Yes, I think I could do that.” It may sound like a small success, but those moments of discomfort saved me $1200 a year! (I would have had to pay extra money for the additional time I knew I needed.) Yeah! Remember, the answer to the question you don’t ask is usually no. So ask!