Category Archives: Emotional Money Path

Want More Abundance? Deepen Your Relationship to Money

Emotional Money Path

Are willing to expand how you look at money? Are you willing to deepen your relationship to money?

A lot of women are in pain around money, and I want to change this. One reason they are in pain is because they don’t earn enough, despite how good they are in their work. “Underearning” is about the pattern of earning below your potential. And while this is relative, I know far too many amazing women who underearn.

I believe that what fuels underearning is a fractured approach to money—an approach that doesn’t nurture your relationship to money. Perhaps you look at the mechanics of finance, trying to figure out how to earn more, debt less and save more. Or you look at your money beliefs and try to figure out why you do what you do, fighting your discomfort or ambivalence about money. Maybe you practice an affirmation for a while. But this fractured approach doesn’t honor your overall relationship to money. And maybe this is part of the problem. Do you want this relationship? Or does your relationship to money feel like an “arranged marriage” and now you just have to make do?

It may sound overwhelming, but in my years as a money coach, I’ve found that when women embrace a more holistic relationship to money, and decide to actively nurture this “relationship” on many levels, making money becomes easier and easier.

So I want to invite you to look at ALL three aspects of your relationship to money. It’s time to attend to your emotions and core beliefs around money (emotional money), AND learn skills around asking for and managing money (practical money), AND master the metaphysics of money– how what you think and feel affects your financial life. In short, it’s time for a well rounded holistic approach to this vital relationship, so you can earn what you are really worth. This is the way out of financial pain and into abundance. And this is the path to a more authentic relationship to money.

If you maintain a narrow view of money, looking at only slices of how you relate to finance, your relationship to money stays painful at worst and inconsistent at best. You may earn more for a while and then find yourself slipping backwards—engaging in financial self-sabotage or simply not able to sustain the level you desire. And if you persist in being compartmentalized about money, you will forever keep true abundance at arm’s length!

We are complex beings who are both emotional and intellectual. For too long we have viewed money as either a neutral tool at our disposal or the embodiment of our personal energy. This goes back to the very mind-body split that so many now rail against! Let’s heal this split around money. Let’s look at finance in a way that honors all the facets of who we are.

The good news is that it is possible to have a fabulous relationship to money—a relationship that nurtures you and supports you earning what you’re really worth. As we pay more attention to our emotions around money, learn useful skills around asking for and managing money with ease, and master the metaphysics of money, we step more and more into our true potential. We become more alive. We release limitations and step into our power.

So the question is—are you willing to expand how you look at money? Are you willing to enter into a deeper relationship? If you find the mechanics of money easy, are you willing to look at the emotional aspects? Or if you are at ease in the emotional realm, are you willing to learn some new skills? The first step to earning your worth is to be willing to look at your relationship to money, in all its facets.

Join me as I journey with you down all three of these paths. Please consider earning your worth as a true journey of self-discovery. Healing and transforming your relationship to money is one of the most intense personal growth journeys you can make.

Instead of discounting, try this to feel good about your full fee

Emotional Money Path, Practical Money Path

Are you afraid that people who need you can’t afford you? And is this one reason why you discount your fees at times?

I was talking about the topic of my new workbook  Emotional Pricing~ How to Feel Great Charging What You’re Really Worth, and a colleague said to me, “I don’t know about all of that. I don’t feel right charging a ton of money—what about people who truly need help but can’t afford a lot?”

First of all, isn’t it interesting that she immediately assumed that charging what you’re really worth is a “ton of money”. Hmmm. You can bet that it will be hard for her to charge enough money because she assumes that it is just too much!

But here is the real issue: the fear that people who need you can’t afford you. So let me be clear about something: If you want to make more money, you need to work with a target audience who can afford to pay what you need. There simply isn’t any other way to say it, or do it.

I am very passionate about my work and I want to help the world as well, so I make sure I charge my full fee and make great money. Otherwise, I have no time and I feel resentful. (If people are not paying you enough money, it takes a lot of clients to pay the bills….) If I didn’t make enough money, I would eventually have to close my business and take a full-time position somewhere. And before I got to that point, I would experience a lot of deprivation and frustration with how little money I was earning. I doubt I would be in the best frame of mind to really do my best work. Being under financial stress is incredibly draining.

So I charge my full fee. Then, to “give back,” I do a certain amount of pro bono work that I feel really helps the world. I donate some of my time to causes I feel strongly about.

Years ago I heard the “Rule of the Three Fs.” Do your work for your full fee, do it for free, or flee. The point of the Rule of the Three Fs? Don’t discount! So, one way to feel like you are giving back is to do just that: give back. Charge your full fee and decide to donate a certain percentage of your time to a cause that could benefit from your work. It is a much cleaner way of doing business.

Doing a certain amount of pro bono work on the side can be very satisfying. Many powerful business women become strong pillars in their respective communities because they give back some of their time to causes and charities that are personally important to them. For example, I will occasionally do free seminars for organizations in my area that service disadvantaged women. Some of these women are domestic abuse survivors, or have lived their entire lives far below the poverty line. I care about these women, and know full well they can’t afford my fee, so I will do seminars a couple of times a year on how to ask for a raise, how to negotiate or how to raise your fees. I will talk with them about the pattern of underearning and discuss ways to stop underselling themselves.

These women are not my “target market” – they simply can’t afford me. But rather than discount myself or offer a sliding scale, I’ve found other ways to “give back.”

So stop with all the bartering, sliding scales and discounts. Charge your full fee. (Your “full fee” may still not be high enough. You may need to raise yours fees. But that is a different subject.) You’ll make more money with fewer clients if they pay you enough. Then use some of your time to truly give back to the world.

TIME TO EARN MORE?

If you would like to earn what you’re truly worth and step into greater abundance, please see Mikelann’s Unlock Your Earning Power toolkit.   Identify what has been holding you back, learn the skills to ask for more and start earning at your true potential. For both self-employed and salaried women.

 

Broke is Temporary. Poor is Eternal.

Emotional Money Path, Metaphysical Money Path

Money is energy. It ebbs and flows. Some of you are very frustrated right now that the “flow” feels blocked.  Perhaps it is. But if you are experiencing this, you must tell yourself that this is temporary. When our income goes down the danger is that we tell ourselves horrible things—and we feel bad about ourselves. We scare ourselves and say “I’ll never get ahead. I’ll never make enough.” Stop that!

I tell my clients that “Broke is temporary. Poor is eternal”. Everyone goes through periods of being “broke” in their lives. Like I said, money is energy. It ebbs and flows. If your cash flow is down, do NOT tell yourself that you are poor! You may temporarily have to get very creative about getting your needs met. This happens. Life happens. But feeling “poor” is a very negative state of mind. Being broke is a temporary state. (And if someone says that they’ve never been broke, I likely wouldn’t believe them.)

I’ve gone through periods of being broke. Gasp! Did the director of the Women’s Earning Institute just cop to being broke at times? Sure. My family has dealt with unemployment and other unexpected life curve balls. I’ve had to temporarily get very creative about getting our needs met. But I also tell myself, “This is a temporary state of being. I am an abundant person.”

Remember this: Money—having it or lacking it—cannot change the essence of who you are. You are wonderful. You are a divine child of the universe. Money is a lovely tool. And we do want more of it to make our lives easier. But money is our servant. We are not the servant of money.

I sometimes think that part of why some people fear money is because they fear it will somehow change them. But money does not have this power. You have this power. If you are a strong, ethical, generous person, you will be this whether you have a lot of “flow” in your life right now or not! The amount of money in your life has nothing to do with who you are. (A line from the movie The Matrix is running through my head: “The Matrix cannot tell you who you are!”)

So, it is okay to admit you are “broke” right now, if this is the current truth. This will pass. How do you communicate this to others while still focusing on the positive and getting your needs met? Try this: “I’d love to go on our yearly Las Vegas trip, but my cash flow is down right now. How else can we have a lot of fun for less money? I really want to get together.” This is living in integrity with money. It is honest. And when you are honest, it allows others to be honest too.

Lastly, now is the time to start a gratitude practice. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for. Spend time on this list. When you focus on all the good things in your life, you feel better. And money flows easier when we feel good about ourselves, so stay focused on all the amazing goodness that is in your life.

A good friend of mine lies in bed every night going through all the things she is grateful for. She often falls asleep somewhere in the middle. She credits this practice with helping her get through a temporarily difficult financial time in her life. She stays focused on the positive.

So remember—being broke is temporary.  Be mindful of what you tell yourself. You are an abundant person. Remember that.

Want more help transforming your relationship to money? Check out all the eBooks, audios, and more robust products Mikelann has created. Are you ready to break free of the “money fog” and step into earning what you are worth? Are you are ready to get in touch with your emotions so you never feel out of control around money again? Are you ready to love your financial life? Let Mikelann help you get there. Free items are at the top of the page.

Voluntary simplicity vs. noble poverty- one woman’s story

Emotional Money Path

Susan walked into my office and flung herself in my chair. “I think it’s time to simplify. Yep, it’s got to be back to basics for me.” At 46, Susan was a successful psychotherapist who enjoyed her work, but was tired of feeling financially stressed out. She had come to me for typical reasons—credit card debt, underearning, and a pervasive feeling of being in a money fog. We had spent time looking at where her personal money went and started a proactive planning process about how she WANTED to spend her money. Big questions were coming up for her.

I asked her, “What does it mean to simplify? And do you want to simplify your life?” Big questions. One of the things we had discussed was the difference between “voluntary simplicity” and “noble poverty”.

Voluntary simplicity is the conscious choice to lead a simpler life. If you simplify your lifestyle, you may need less money for some things and your life may be less complicated. On the surface, Susan was really drawn to the idea. It sounded more spiritual to her. And she said that in the past she had felt guilty for wanting more money.

But I told her that those feelings of guilt were more likely indicative of being caught up in noble poverty, not a conscious choice to simplify. When people are caught up in noble poverty, they generally have an unconscious belief that money is bad, or really good people shouldn’t want a lot of money. And noble poverty often get’s confused with anti-materialism.

One way you can tell if someone is wrapped up in noble poverty is if they wear their frugality as a badge of honor. (“Look at me! See how little I can get by with!”)

Susan was starting to tap into a lot of good things she could do with money—better self care for herself was at the top of the list. She counseled her clients to take better care of themselves but often felt like she didn’t have the money to nourish herself the way she wanted to.

Susan also really wanted to give money to some great causes, as well as her church. Personally, I think that giving away money in a conscious manner is very important to keep the flow of money moving in your life. Consciousness is key, though.

I also pointed out that voluntary simplicity was not the same thing as suppressing one’s income. Just because someone simplifies her life is no reason to make less money. True, simplifying may take some financial pressure off. Susan had decided, for example, to take a less expensive vacation. (At first she was going to cancel her vacation due to cost, but she had a real need to take time away. We found a way to satisfy this need with less money.)

And there are many wonderful uses of money. Buying local is more expensive then going to Wal-Mart. We do want to give to good causes. And making enough money helps secure our retirement.

Susan did decide to simplify parts of her life, though in a very conscious way. She made sure she identified what she really needed. She decided to spend less on some things so she could spend more in other areas she really cared about. But as she became more conscious about money, she decided that she did want to earn more. She raised her rates (which were under her colleagues rates), tightened her cancellation policy and focused on a new specialty.

In the end, she lowered some of her expenses and raised her income. Wow. She felt freer. She gave more money away and she saved more money.

One day Susan said, “Before, I was “simplifying” my life out of fear. Truthfully, I was just depriving myself. I guess there really is nothing noble about being poor…. Now, I feel so free that I could burst!”

Get conscious about your money. It’s your life and you have many options. But I agree with Susan—there is nothing noble about poverty. If you decide to simplify your life, do it carefully and thoughtfully. Think about what you really need. And don’t assume you can’t raise your income also.

So here is to earning what you’re really worth AND spending your money consciously.

I’m perfecting the art of learning to fail fast (you should too.)

Emotional Money Path

One of the most important aspects of achieving success in self-employment is learning to fail fast. Not failing doesn’t seem to be an option. Now I don’t mean “failing” in the oh-my-god-I-have-to-go-back-to-the-cubicle way. No. I mean all those small “failures”—our new niches that don’t work out; our new products that don’t sell; our seminars that don’t get filled. Women are so afraid of the word failure. We take it personally. We translate it to “We failed” instead of “Well, it looks like that new program didn’t work out”.

Case in point. I have killed a program- the Virtual Earn Your Worth monthly program for self-employed women. Perhaps I didn’t let it run long enough. Perhaps. But I think there were some serious flaws in it and I learned some really good lessons. For example, I tried some new technology and in reality, in was a pain in the butt and people didn’t really use it. I think a more important learning was that once a month is simply not often enough to meet as a group, if it is not in person.

The point is, when a program or product doesn’t work and you kill it, you have to learn as much as you can from the experience. But first you have to grieve it. I was really bummed for a couple of weeks. I wallowed away in indecision at first, then pulled the plug and wallowed some more. (If you read my blog, you know I hang out with plenty of supportive women who keep me balanced.)

When the wallowing was done, I listed out what I learned. I mean, this is an expensive lesson! I sure as hell better learn a lot!!! I think of the movie Awakenings, with Robert Deniro and Robin Williams. Deniro’s character has “awakened” from a debilitating disease due to the help of Robin William’s doctor character. But then Deniro’s character starts deteriorating again. It is just heart breaking! Robin Williams films his patient, trying to study the illness. At one point, in the middle of a filming session, Deniro’s character has an acute attack and Williams stops filming him out of pity. But Deniro begs him to keep filming him, shouting, “Learn! Learn! Learn!”

Okay, perhaps that is too dramatic, but you get the point. When things don’t work out, it is painful. But if you are going to “fail”, learn all you can from it. Learn! All learning is expensive, so make it pay. Whether you learn in the classroom or from the school of hard knocks, learn your lessons well. Don’t wallow too long. But don’t be afraid to fail. If you never fail, you are not taking enough risks.

I finally launched the program that people have been asking me for. Mikelann’s Three Month Conquering Underearning Program is a simple 12 teleclass program over three months. One class a week for 12 weeks. The Phoenix has risen out of the ashes.

How I cope with the stress of being visible (the hard part of being self-employed)

Emotional Money Path

Melody Ivory asked me a great question when she interviewed me recently (listen to the first audio with Melody- 12:58 minutes)—what is the most difficult part of being an agent of change? Said another way, what is the most difficult part of being successful? The answer was easy. The most difficult part of success to me is having to be so visible. I have to really put myself out there, and that is stressful and anxiety-provoking. I really do want people to like me, like most people pleasers, and I know that if I am really visible, chances are that I will rub someone the wrong way. Yep, not everyone will like me. Gulp.

My friend Joan Casey, a therapist who specializes in boundary issues, always says if everyone likes you, you must be doing something strange. Not everyone in the world is going to like you! If they do, you must be pretty bland Yuck. I don’t want to be bland.

And the truth is that I am pretty intense, and this intensity comes across in my talks. Undoubtedly my intensity rubs some people the wrong way. I could “tone it down”, but I don’t. I figure that people will self-select. I am simply too much for some people, or they don’t like my style. That is the way it is. That is not to say that I don’t strive to be a better speaker/facilitator/teacher. We can all improve our skills. And my topic is very sensitive, so I do need to be careful at times. But the truth remains that I am pretty intensive and I like to get down to brass tacks- both practically and emotionally. So there.

Having said all there, it is still difficult for me to really put myself out there at times. I suffer from the Good Girl Syndrome like so many others. Of course I want people to like me and I don’t like to piss people off. I really don’t. (Though I confess that making people a little uncomfortable at times can be a useful thing to create change…..)

The real question is this: how do I manage my anxiety and stress? Not having anxiety and stress doesn’t seem to be an option. I’m always growing, always at my own leading edge of change. I don’t sit still. So I use “The Sisterhood”. I have great women friends who are also self-employed. And we talk. I mean, we really talk. And walk. (And drink sometimes too.) My friend Kathy Clayton is a great personal coach in Seattle. And she is amazingly honest and self-revealing with her friends. We walk around our local park and share what is working and NOT working in our businesses. We share mistakes we’ve made. It’s amazing to me how it helps my stress to “confess” my foibles and mess-ups.

Create your own sisterhood. Start a dinner group of self-employed women. You will have the juiciest conversation imaginable. You simply must find ways to manage your anxiety so you can continue being visible. (Listen to Mikelann’s 12:58 minute interview)

Discounting fees on your clients behalf?

Emotional Money Path, Practical Money Path

Check out this great blog: Women and Money: Where chicks make “cents”, by Kathleen Burns Kingsbury. In her post, Who’s money is it anyways, she talked about fee setting and the fact that many business owners will reduce their fee if they think the other business owner can’t afford it. She wrote,

To me the idea that a client needs a reduced fee based on no hard data says more about the business owner’s relationship with money than the clients. Therefore, I challenged each group member to think about where the responsibility lies for making spending decisions. Is it with the business owner or the customer?

I think part of the problem is that we get our own money issues mixed up with our perceptions of our client’s money issues. No good can come of this. Spending decisions should be made by the client, not us acting on their behalf! Women take on way too much. When you decide what is in a client’s best interests, well…. That sounds like a parent-child relationship, not a professional one.

Self-employed women must stop over-identifying with their businesses!

Emotional Money Path

Let’s peek inside a typical self-employed woman’s head. “Am I really worth charging that much money? Will people believe my services are worth paying that much for? Will I really be able to deliver at a level equal to what I charge? Will people expect more than I can deliver if I charge at the top of the market? Just who do I think I am, anyways?!!!…..”

Part of the problem stems from over-identifying with our businesses. When I over-identify with my business, I AM my business. So when I feel confident, it is easier to charge good money. When I don’t feel that great, well… it’s harder to hold the line. And conversely, when things go well for my business, I feel great. And when things don’t go well for my business, I don’t do well.

So here it is: you must separate from your business. You are not your business. And your business is not you. Even if you run a very small business, you are still NOT your business. I’ve had to train myself in this over and over. When I over-identify with my business, I become very stressed. I tend to work too much and take everything personally—which is great, unless something is not going well.

Now I say to myself, “I am me, and that is the Women’s Earning Institute. It is not me.” When people ask me how things are going, I tell them how I am doing personally, or I tell them how the business is doing. Maybe I tell them about both. BUT THOSE ARE TWO SEPEREATE ANWERS! In the business world, as much as I may want people to know me and like me, they often don’t know me at all. They see my professional side, and that has to be okay.

Keeping my business separate from me helps me charge appropriate money. It helps keep me more objective. They are paying the Women’s Earning Institute, not me personally, and it has many costs. What I charge is a business decision, not a personal decision. It helps to keep this in mind.

Last week I HATED self-employment (warning: this post is not inspirational)

Emotional Money Path

Well, we tried to move my subscribers to the new company. It was awful!!! It was messy, confusing and infuriating. And we made some mistakes. I went with One Shopping Cart, by the way. After studying all the options, we decided on them because I use them already for my shopping cart and all my auto-responders. The fewer gadgets the better. Between me, my assistant, my marketing consultant, my web developer and the new company, we probably had too many cooks in the kitchen. That, and I don’t think this type of thing is ever easy. For one thing, the new company was supposed to send out the opt-in message to all my subscribers telling them what was happening and giving them the link to opt-in. Then I sent out a message from my old data-base explaining the situation and requesting people to click on the link they just received. One catch- the company held the opt-in email so people didn’t get it until hours after I sent out my message. The result: HUNDREDS of people emailed me personally, confused as to my message, and saying there was no link.

So there I was. I was seeing tons of private clients that week, I was preparing for the rate-setting toolkit launch, working with my new assistant and attending to 100 other details and then these emails started pouring in. I mean, POURING IN. I couldn’t keep up. Neither could my assistant. In the middle of it I left for an appointment with the eye doctor. She was late, of course, so I was cooped up in this little room, feeling like a caged animal. I ranted to my husband on my cell phone, “I’ve got to get out of this room!!!” I think the front desk heard me ranting. I’m trying to keep my cool. (Not succeeding). Then my personal cell phone rings, and it is my dad, “What is going on with your mailing list?! I can’t find this link…” and I started to cry. Crying is not good when you are seeing an eye-doctor, by the way. It makes it hard to check your eyes….

I spent several late nights responding to many, many people. I figured, if they actually took the time to email me, they must really want to stay on my list. I am honored by this! So I had better personally reach out as best I can.

I think I’ve gained some weight. It must have something to do with all the dark chocolate bars I bought this week. I’ve been nibbling away at night, coping with the anxiety and stress. Chocolate does seem to help, by the way. People think being your own boss must be soooo cool. Those of us who actually do it know the truth—being the queen of your own world has definite ups and downs. Yes, there is no cap on what we can earn. But there is no floor on how low we can go either. So you just ride along, as best you can, sometimes trying not to throw up. I’ll be more inspirational next week. I promise.