“If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us we’d be millionaires” – Abigail Van Buren

Raise your hand if you’ve never made a mistake with money or never had a financial regret. Anyone? I thought not. We’ve all made mistakes with money.  I know I have.

So many women beat themselves up for how they’ve dealt with- or not dealt with- money. So we have to start this conversation with forgiveness.

First of all, everyone has made mistakes. Everyone. Some of us are mad that we incurred credit card debt. (I was upset with myself about that one.) Some of us regret not saving more money.  (I really got down on myself for that one too.)

Some of us feel we made a mistake buying a house we could not afford, or taking out large student loans. Some of us realize how much we have undersold ourselves. (I was shocked when I realized that people around me had asked for more money at one of my jobs. I hadn’t even negotiated!) People make all sorts of mistakes. Everyone has made mistakes and everyone has money regrets. Join the club. There’s plenty of room.

To compound our woes, we rarely talk about them. When we make relationship mistakes, we often hash over the “I can’t believe I did that” with girlfriends over a glass of wine. But when it comes to money, we can be extremely self-critical—suffering pangs of regret and remorse- replaying our money mistakes over and over in our head– mostly in isolation.

So I want you to consider the idea that you are NOT alone. Everyone has made money mistakes!

And now I want you to consider that it is time to forgive yourself so you can move on. One of my favorite quotes is this Victoria Holt quote -“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience!” And oh yeah, we’ve all got a heck of a lot of experiences.

I know you’ve heard it said that you did the best you could at the time, with where you were and what you knew. And that’s true. To err is human, remember. And you ARE human.

But I also want you to consider this- your health, emotional and physical- NEEDS you to forgive yourself. Every study done on the subject of forgiveness tells us that not forgiving actually harms our health. You are more prone to illness when you don’t forgive yourself.

So can you imagine saying, “I need to move on for the sake of my health?”

Some people have a hard time forgiving because they confuse it with forgetting. But they are not the same. You do not have to forget. You can use what has happened in your life around money as amazing fuel to move you forward. But you deserve to forgive yourself. What happened is one piece of your life, but it is not YOU.

Here is my vote: find the silver lining- so what is the silver lining? What did you learn? The school of hard knocks is hard, but it isn’t called a “school” for nothing. What would you do differently now? If this hadn’t happened, might it have happened in the future in a bigger or different way? There is a learning here. Find it.

For me, I was embarrassed about having credit card debt, and about not making enough money. I didn’t want to talk about it. But I thought about it- a lot. When I finally let myself talk about it, I could hear how self-critical I was. And once I started sharing my feelings, I experienced a huge sense of relief.

When I began to reflect on my financial life, I realized I had learned a lot. And I needed to experience what didn’t work in order to seek a new way.

Remember, to make mistakes is human. And making money mistakes does NOT define who we are. What we do about them, though, does say a lot. It is our capacity to see and learn and grow that makes us amazing human beings. Transforming and healing your relationship to money is a sacred journey, full of twists and turns at times. But it is a journey none-the-less. Is it time to forgive yourself so you can continue the journey?

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

So— I just read the most depressing article on divorced women and retirement funding. And it REALLY pissed me off. Perhaps not for the reasons you think. We have all heard how divorced women have less money for retirement, and often less money period.

But this article was so damn depressing I thought, “Okay, I’m divorced. So I guess I’m just screwed. I’d best just jump off a bridge now and be done with it. Since I sure as hell don’t want to live UNDER the freaking bridge.”

Now I’m not sure this is the effect they were looking for. And keep in mind that I’m a money coach, for god’s sake. But this article really hit me. (I’ve been stewing on it for a couple of weeks. I won’t even link to it here- it’s too depressing. On Slate.com. Email me if you want the link.)

I mean, what is the point of scaring people? To be clear, the article was not on how to get a better divorce settlement. Now THAT could be helpful. If you are divorced, well, you are divorced. And are you trying to scare women in to staying in bad marriages? Really? So if you are in a horrid, or just loveless, this-chapter-in-my life-has-definitely-run-its-course (and I may have married the wrong guy to begin with) marriage, well, too bad. No matter how bad it is, you should stay married. Are you kidding me?? REALLY???

I think not.

I am divorced and I have created a wonderful life for myself. It’s not what I saw for myself 15 years ago. My house is smaller. But my house is wonderful and so truly “me” that it’s the favorite hangout spot for many of my friends. (Some of whom have bigger houses.) And in many ways my life is even more wonderful that I could have imagined.

Having to be super conscious about creating a new life will do that to you. There is nothing in my life that I do not want in my life.

My mother divorced, and her generation of divorced women really skew those depressing stats in a downward death spiral. BUT she has used her creativity, practicality and general even-keeled view of life to create a life that is envied by many of her friends (and some of mine as well.) Oh- and she retired last year and is having a great time!

So- I share my pissed-offness to say, if you are divorced, you CAN thrive and create an amazing life. It takes thoughtfulness in a different way. It takes conscious living. And it takes a willingness to really look at what you value so you can have more of that, and less of what you don’t. If you do have less money, there is simply no room for things that don’t light your fire. (And if you are working, there is wonderful new fuel to take your career and sacred earning to a new level.)

In fact, many divorced women I know are actually living more authentic and joyful lives then before they divorced (we divorced for a reason, remember?) They are focused on intentional life creation. Do they have to be? Yes. The downside is that the stats tell us that if we are not super intentional and really look at our relationship to money, we risk not having enough. But when we step back and ask “what is enough?” and how do I use my creativity to create a new life of MY own design, all things are possible. Really.

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

As a divorced woman, I know well the trials and tribulations of this life event. Most of us don’t think about our earning power when we marry. Our lives are full of many things beyond career- from home to relationships and children. So when divorce happens, and money begins to demand our serious consideration, we are often awash in fear and confusion. 

Of course it is more than just earning money that commands our attention. After exiting a marriage that may have spanned many years, many women are unsure of how to manage their personal finances when it is just them. What does this new life even cost? And the emotions run very high as a new financial reality becomes apparent. Often, we do not have the financial resources to maintain the lifestyle we potentially took for granted for many years.

But earning issues eventually come up when you no longer have a partner who can contribute to the monthly expenses. For years I’ve written about “underearning”- when people earn below their potential. Sometimes women earned less than they could because their energy went into their homes and families. Other times, they may have been earning good money but they simply need to earn more now, to support their lifestyle on their own.

So on top of the practical new reality of being single, they are often angry and overwhelmed at their ability to command the amount of money they suddenly see they need.

Here are three tips:

First, take time to think carefully about what you actually need to earn. I’ve helped many women craft a spending and income plan for their new life that looks at their new expenses. Often I have women track their spending for a while before creating a plan, so we can see what is actually happening- the new bills, their lifestyle etc. We also look at new forms of income such as child support and spousal maintenance. Then we look carefully to see what needs to be earned.

So consider tracking your spending so you can get a deeper sense of what you actually need.

Knowing what you need to earn is powerful. It can help you decide everything from what type of job you are looking for to deciding if you will keep the house, and what to do with certain expenses. You don’t want to much financial pressure as you re-build your new life. Now is the time to assess the lifestyle you will build for the next several years.

Second, when thinking about applying for work, asking for raises, or getting contract jobs, do the research on what you can command. I can’t emphasize this enough- don’t trust your gut!!! When left to their own imaginings, women de-value their work and don’t ask for enough money. Most women suffer from this, but divorced women even more so. Often, their self-esteem is down, and they may not have been working in the same way during their marriage. So they frequently make the mistake of not asking for enough money.

Let the market guide you, not your gut. Trust me. An employer is extremely lucky to have you. Make sure you do your research and talk to knowledgeable friends before accepting anything. You are worth more than you likely feel.

Last, stop worrying about being “behind”. I’ve talked with many clients over the years who lament being behind men in the earning game. Let this go. Many women hit their career strides much later than men, but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Men can start to sputter and worry about other things. While they secretly bemoan hair loss and other age-related “men-fears”, women are often kicking ass and doing amazing work.  Women in this phase of life are extremely powerful. We are like a mighty phoenix rising from ashes and are capable of commanding a lot of money and respect.

A final word- consider your new life support team. Ideally, divorcing women would benefit from a therapist, a job coach and money coach. We are all unique, of course. But this is a time when you deserve support.

Your new life awaits.

Ready to earn more and step into greater freedom? Click here to be notified of the next time Mikelann offers her 8 week Unlock Your Earning Power course.

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

I recorded this five minute video on how we can all design our lives to step more fully into creativity. When we get clear about money, options open and the way forward becomes clear. We are meant to live creative lives. And embracing creativity often means getting creative with money as well. When you are clear about your finances, all things are possible. So here’s to more inspiration and passion! Enjoy these thoughts and the stories of people who designed their creative lives.

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

Recently I read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love.  I gobbled it up like candy. It’s on how to live a creative life- whatever that looks like for YOU—and how to invite in inspiration. And she does not leave money out of the conversation. Personally, I’ve always been frustrated with the “Do what you love and the money will follow” and the “Follow your bliss” school of thought.  I think Gilbert would agree. So while her book is not about money, I loved some of her thoughts on it that she wove in. I wrote an op/ed piece on the subject for credit.com.  Enjoy! (Some of the links in the article link to credit.com, since they originally published my article.)

Is Money the Key to a Creative Life?

Should our passions pay us? If we focus on what we love, should we be able to earn a living from it?

I believe in living a creative life – in whatever way that applies to you. It could be finding time to paint or write, designing a career that feeds your soul, or putting together a non-traditional lifestyle that provides abundant time for your family and your personal life.

And yet so often, money is left out of the conversation. But ignoring your finances invites a life of imbalance. In reality, the more you take care of money, the easier it is to be creative and create life on your terms.

Follow Your Bliss … Ignore Your Finances?

Around the time I graduated from high school (the late 1980s) a very famous book called Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow by Marsha Sinetar was published. The title seemed so descriptive, it never really occurred to me to actually read it. I was already in love with the idea of doing what I loved and, like so many others, believed money would magically appear as a result. It also seemed to fit with my growing (and somewhat misguided) knowledge of metaphysics: focus on what you want, and you will attract it. How could money not be part of the bargain?

When combined with the perennially popular theme of “follow your bliss” (popularized by the work of American mythologist Joseph Campbell), it is no wonder so many people growing up in that time period divorced money from the creative life conversation.

Here is the dilemma: These notions often translated as “Don’t worry about money.”

We may start to believe if we focus on what brings us joy, money will magically take care of itself. We may even want to ignore the money conversation. In fact, many believe that talking about money actually “taints” the creative process.

We may start to believe if we focus on what brings us joy, money will magically take care of itself.

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An Alternate Point of View

Unfortunately, falling prey to the “just follow your bliss” mentality may put you in a very stressful financial situation that actually shuts down our creativity.

Recently, I read Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Big Magic. (Gilbert also wrote Eat, Pray, Love.) At its core, Big Magic is about how to live a creative life. We are all creative beings, but so many of us are blocked and we find it difficult to access our creativity. Gilbert is attempting to show us how to find it and use it to live deeper, fuller lives. One of her points is that when we blindly expect our creativity to pay the bills, our inspiration literally dries up.

As Gilbert writes, people have been sold the idea that they should be able to support themselves if they are following their true passion, but she points out that many artists do not make a lot of money and their financial lives can be extremely stressful. What if they did not force their creativity to pay them? She maintains they would be happier and their inspiration would not feel so squeezed. Per Big Magic:

“I’ve always felt like this is so cruel to your work — to demand a regular paycheck from it, as if creativity were a government job, or a trust fund. Look, if you can manage to live comfortable off your inspiration forever, that’s fantastic. That’s everyone’s dream, right? But don’t let that dream turn into a nightmare. Financial demands can put so much pressure on the delicacies and vagaries of inspiration. You must be smart about providing for yourself. To claim that you are too creative to think about financial questions is to infantilize yourself — and I beg you not to infantilize yourself, because it’s demeaning to your soul.”

In other words, it is simply not fair to our inspiration to put that kind of pressure on it. In Big Magic, Gilbert suggests most “artists” shouldn’t “quit their day jobs,” not because they are not amazingly good at their art, but because making it responsible for paying for your life puts a huge burden on your creative pursuits. (She herself always kept her jobs through the publication of numerous books.)

Making Your Creativity Work for You 

Don’t get me wrong: I think you should follow your passions. But, as a certified money coach, I recognize that when we believe our passions should pay enough money to live the life we long to live, we can enter into dangerous territory. The key is to combine our creativity and passion with creative money-thinking.

Strategizing goes well beyond “work by day and create by night.” Instead, you may want to have a creative conversation with yourself about your finances.

Get creative. Get conscious. What kind of life do you want to live? When you are open and at peace with talking about money, it can actually support you in many ways. There are all sorts of possibilities you can explore to have your bliss and a sufficient paycheck, too. Here are a few examples from my own experience as a money coach:

• One woman rented out her large house to a family and then rented herself a smaller apartment. She saved so much money that she was able to work part time and had enough time to pursue her writing career.
• One couple downsized their expenses to the point where they could take turns supporting the household while the other pursued various interests.
• One single father asked for a large raise — and got it. With the extra money, he hired a housekeeper and other people to help with all his “chores.” With his extra time, he pursed a new career direction, eventually going to ministerial school in the evenings.

There is a dance here: Earning what you are truly worth (don’t undersell yourself) combined with keeping your expenses low, often will create enough space in your life for exploring your own dreams and interests.

When we stop blindly demanding that our creativity financially support us, we can take the conversation deeper. Yes, live a creative life. And yes, get creative with money to make it happen. When you create a life that supports you financially, you can engage in the dance of creativity – and inspiration feels free to visit you often.

When you create a life that supports you financially, you can engage in the dance of creativity.

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Want more help transforming your relationship to money? Check out all the eBooks, audios, and more robust products Mikelann has created. Are you ready to break free of the “money fog” and step into earning what you are worth? Are you are ready to get in touch with your emotions so you never feel out of control around money again? Are you ready to love your financial life? Let Mikelann help you get there. Free items are at the top of the page.

Back in the fall, while on a trip with a girlfriend, I was leafing through a magazine and came across an odd advertisement which said, “Who are you when the pattern changes?”

It captivated me.

You see, I’ve had a lot of change this year. I ended a romantic relationship, my career continued to evolve, and my teenage son insisted on being “older and wiser.” These changes shook up my life. Change – who am I when the familiar patterns change?

In light of the New Year and contemplating this question…I decided to open up to possibility in a new way. I have always done an annual plan, but this year I resolved to try a vision board exercise before sitting down with my plan. In case you aren’t familiar with the concept, a vision board is a collage you create with pictures and words you compile to bring a vision to life. It can be a very powerful exercise.

A vision board can center around something specific (like the dream of buying a new house or creating a successful business) or you can simply sit down and see where the exercise takes you. Not attached to a particular theme (I was feeling more open and “curious” about the future), I decided to create a board by meditating on this question: “What do I want more of in my life?”

So, after I determined a time and space where I knew I would be uninterrupted, I bought a large poster board, rubber cement, and about 15 used magazines. Tip: choose a wide variety of magazines when you start this process (mine included Oprah, food and travel magazines, and business magazines) to give your mind an opportunity to diversify your thoughts.

It’s very important to clear your mind and get centered before beginning on vision work. So, before I began to tear out pictures, I got very quiet, lit a candle, and went deep into meditation. I asked myself many questions: Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What do I want to have? What is it time to let go of?

I meditated a long time on the path before me. What sights, sounds, colors, feelings, and experiences do I want? Or think I want?

Of all the questions I meditated on, “What do I want more of in my life?” kept coming to the surface. It is not a material question (though I suppose it can be that too). Instead I considered what feelings and experiences I want more of.

I cut and cut for days. (This may seem crazy, but I was on a mini vacation and nothing makes me happier than scissors and glue.) I did not judge any image. If it called to me, I cut it out and added it to the pile.

Throughout the process, I took breaks to meditate and cull through the seemingly random pile of pictures and words that had appealed to me in the moment.

Eventually, satisfied with my pile, I thoughtfully glued them to my poster board in a way I liked. At the center is the magazine phrase that started it all, “Who am I when the pattern changes?”

I truly love what I created. Sure, to you it may look like a bunch of magazine pictures glued to a board. But I find inspiration every morning because I look at it as I do my journaling and meditating.

It’s About Visualization

Vision boards work because they are a potent form of visualization. Every day you are visualizing what you want to call forth into your life. Some call this the “Law of Attraction” and others are inspired by the Olympic athletes who use this technique to successfully improve their craft. Whatever you call it, visualization is powerful. So, when you get tired of “goal setting,” try cutting out pictures instead. It truly does work in a way that almost feels magic.

 Every day you are visualizing what you want to call forth into your life. 

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The key is, a vision board should focus on how you want to feel.

Here’s a four min video of me talking about how to create a vision board.

Remember- what you focus on expands.

My board has pictures of travel; not because I will necessarily go see the pyramids of Egypt, but I love the feeling of adventure. There are paints and crayons on it because I want more creativity in my life. I love the feeling these pictures evoke in me.

Standing back, I found myself truly happy with what I had created. While not necessarily art, it is inspiring. Without a doubt, l love how it makes me feel. And when I look at it, I want to bring it to life.

What you focus on expands.

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The Annual Plan

After staring at my vision board for three weeks, I sat down in front of it to create my annual income and spending plan. I kept thinking, “How do I bring these feelings into my life?”

I found myself making new categories, like one for creativity classes. And I increased what I wanted to spend on travel, while balancing this with my retirement funding. I added more yoga classes because they had a significant presence on my vision board as well.

The year is young and my vision board is new. Determined to keep the momentum, I am buying a frame so I can hang my vision board in my bedroom and look at it daily. These visions are so engrained in my life and my plan now – in a way they never would have been if I hadn’t created the board. I have no doubt I will continue to find ways to bring it to life.

And you? How do you want to feel this year? Maybe you don’t know yet…

Whatever you want, I think a vision board can help you get there. Invite the magic of imagery and words into your consciousness. It’s not about setting goals, but creating a vision of how you want to feel.

Tip: find a picture of yourself and embed it somewhere in your collage. This is about you, after all, and the vision you have for yourself.

So, is it time to create your own vision board for 2016?

Want more help transforming your relationship to money? Check out all the eBooks, audios, and more robust products Mikelann has created. Are you ready to break free of the “money fog” and step into earning what you are worth? Are you are ready to get in touch with your emotions so you never feel out of control around money again? Are you ready to love your financial life? Let Mikelann help you get there. Free items are at the top of the page.

When my third money coaching client said, “I’ve just read this book on ‘tidying’ and I think it’s connected to money somehow.” I got very curious. “Tidying?” Yes. Literally a book about decluttering and organizing your space – and they were all raving about it. (Ummm…were they really raving about a book on tidying?)

Suffice it to say, I bought the book. It’s called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing, by Marie Kondo. And it truly is a #1 New York Times best seller (with more than three million copies sold).

In it, Kondo teaches you exactly how to discard what no longer brings you joy, until you are only left with the possessions you truly want to surround yourself with. Then, she explains how to organize those items within your space. If you do this using her methodology, she promises you’ll never “relapse” – you’ll never again come home to energy-depleting clutter. And more than that, if you put your house in order, you will no longer be distracted or weighed down by your stuff.

Sometimes our “stuff” is a part of who we used to be and the life we used to have before we divorced, or it can be related to what we think we should be. Perhaps these things are simply vestiges from old relationships. Letting go of the items that don’t tie in to who you really are now will allow what is truly “you” to remain. The “magic” that comes from tidying will enable you to discover what you want to do next in your life.

It makes sense, doesn’t it? If you teach yourself to understand what really gives you joy – and only surround yourself with those items – you get in touch at a very deep level with who you truly are. And as Kondo writes, “The question of what you want to own is actually the question of how you want to live your life.”

Now what does this have to do with your money?

I find that when I first meet clients, they have a lot of financial clutter that weighs on them. And when we “declutter” their finances, they feel lighter and freer, so our work can go to a deeper level. They begin to get clear on who they are and what they really want.

The Clutter of Multiple Accounts

At the first session with a new client, I get out a piece of paper and literally draw a picture of all their accounts: checking, savings, credit cards, etc. Then I draw out how they are connected – how the money flows from one place to another.

You should see the large messes that begin to take shape on this paper. Money is transferred partly to this account and then some to that account. Some bills are paid out of certain accounts, while other accounts are used for discretionary spending. Some things are auto-debited and others seem to get lost in the cracks with late fees. But then when accounts don’t have enough money, money is transferred back and forth, with credit card accounts taking up the slack, and then being paid for as best people can.

Eventually, we sit back and look at my drawing with all its lines, circles, and arrows.

“No wonder you are feeling frustrated,” I often say. Seeing their financial life this way usually creates one of the first lightbulbs. The more accounts a person has, the more “clutter” there is.

Simpler is better.

In my personal life, I use one primary checking account. I never have a question of how much money I have or if I can pay a bill. I simply put everything through one account. That way, I can focus on more important things – like how to use my money to make me happy and move towards my goals.

The initial act of “tidying” I ask clients to consider is to stop using so many accounts and begin to close ones that are no longer being used. My most successful clients have very few accounts (many do well with one checking account and one credit account). Remember, the goal is not to come up with elaborate ways to move our money around. It’s to create a happy life now, and a secure future later.

Messy Unexamined Expenses

Once you cut down on the “account clutter,” you can begin to clearly see what you spend. (It’s very difficult to see what you spend when the payments come from five different places.)

And often, we find that some expenses are simply left over from a previous relationship, or they no longer “fit” in someone’s life for various reasons.

One client never watched Netflix, but it still came out of her account, a remnant from her ex-husband who was a movie buff. Another client was a member of a wine club, but when we examined this expense, she realized it was really a hobby she had inherited from her ex. There are many layers of saying goodbye in a divorce. You may need to say goodbye to expenses that no longer make sense in your new life.

And yes, sometimes expenses simply don’t “fit” in your new single life. Hard choices need to be made. Often, people need to spend less to reflect a single income. You may need to simplify. But is this always bad? When we declutter and organize our homes, it feels sooo good. Reframing your new life as a chance to simplify and streamline can make a big difference in your outlook.

Marie Kondo writes, “The process of assessing how you feel about the things you own, identifying those that have fulfilled their purpose, expressing gratitude, and bidding them farewell, is really about examining your inner self – a rite of passage to a new life.”

And while she was not talking about your new life after divorce, she very well could have been.

Under the Clutter

Often, financial clutter can mask real fears and concerns, keeping us distracted. Just like when you finally unclutter a room, when you declutter your financial life, it is easier to see what is really going on. You can uncover what is working, what is not, and where you really want to go.

Unexamined financial affairs keep us locked in stressful financial cycles, with no time or energy to delve into deep questions that might provoke real change.

The good news is, when we discard accounts and let go of expenses that no longer suit who we are, then the next phase of the work begins. As Kondo writes, “[Tidying] allows you to confront the issues that are really important. Tidying is just a tool, not the final destination. The true goal should be to establish the lifestyle you want most once your house has been put in order.”

How wonderful to discover, and start working towards, the kind of life you truly want.

Want more help transforming your relationship to money? Check out all the eBooks, audios, and more robust products Mikelann has created. Are you ready to break free of the “money fog” and step into earning what you are worth? Are you are ready to get in touch with your emotions so you never feel out of control around money again? Are you ready to love your financial life? Let Mikelann help you get there. Free items are at the top of the page.

The blue suede shoes sit on the elevated pedestal in the department store, calling to you. At last, the perfect complement to the outfit you purchased last month. You hesitate for a moment, afraid to turn them over and see the price…

Understanding what happens in your brain when you spend money on something you really like can make a big difference. This lets you know how to keep your spending brain balanced and your wallet happy – while still enjoying those trips to the mall. Because I love my blue suede shoes.

This is Your Brain on Shopping

Deep in our brain are pleasure centers and pain centers. Spending money on something we like gives off a feel-good hit of dopamine. This wonderful neurochemical is part of the spice of life; it’s the same chemical that floods our brain when we bite into a perfect piece of chocolate cake.

Dopamine is really active when we do things that are new, novel, or exciting. And often, shopping fits this bill. We are “hunting” for something new, and when we hit a sale or find a really great deal it is very exciting and triggers a boost of dopamine.

Then comes the pain. You turn over the perfect shoes and see the price tag. Ouch! And when you pull out the cash to pay for them, you really feel the pain.

It is actually healthy to feel both the pleasure of the purchase and pain of paying for it. We get into trouble (overspend) when we float away on the pleasure and hide from the pain of paying for something.

The Problem

Stores know how to amp up your pleasure centers with mood music, nice salespeople beautiful surroundings and, of course, those amazing shoes on sale.

If you put the shoes on a credit card, the payment is divorced from the transaction, so you don’t feel the “pain” of paying.  Let’s face it, you know in the back of your mind you aren’t going to pay that bill for a couple of weeks. And even when you do, the shoes will only be one item among many.  So while you may be in shock when your credit card bill arrives, you still won’t really “feel” the shoe purchase. And you will already have (over) spent on the shoes. You have oversaturated in pleasure and not let yourself feel the pain of paying.

Simply put, credit cards unbalance the brain.

(In addition, credit cards induce money fog. Many purchases are lumped into a single payment, making it difficult for our human brains to think about and plan our purchase rationally.)

Some Solutions

Here are some basic strategies to help you be in control and not overspend:

1. Don’t put your pleasure spending on credit cards. Use your debit card for clothes and things you enjoy. This way you feel the purchase and will be more mindful of what you spend. Keep your credit card for times when you are not prone to overspend, such as car repair.
2. If you do use your credit card, track your spending in a credit card register right away. Tracking your purchases in your spending plan software almost instantly balances your brain. (MoneyMinderOnline, financial software, was designed to help users track their spending, including credit card spending, for just this reason.)
3. Find other ways to boost your dopamine levels so you are less likely to do it by shopping.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying shopping and buying things you love. If you allow yourself to feel your purchase you will keep your brain balanced, healthy, and happy.

Want more help transforming your relationship to money? Check out all the eBooks, audios, and more robust products Mikelann has created. Are you ready to break free of the “money fog” and step into earning what you are worth? Are you are ready to get in touch with your emotions so you never feel out of control around money again? Are you ready to love your financial life? Let Mikelann help you get there. Free items are at the top of the page.

I can’t be the only woman who’s dealt with the blues, right? I’m going to take a guess and say you’ve dealt with them too. From dealing with full on depression to just feeling down every so often, no one feels great all the time.

And one common way that women (and men too but I’m talking to women in this article) make themselves feel better is to hit the mall. Now shopping is not just about relieving depression. We shop for entertainment, to spend time with friends, and to buy things that we need. But there is an interesting thing about shopping – it really DOES make us feel better sometimes. It isn’t your imagination. And why? Because shopping can literally release a “feel good” chemical into your brain.

Dopamine is a neurochemical that gets released when something is new, novel, exciting or unexpected (in a good way). It’s also released when we are rewarded in some way or when something is just plain pleasurable. It’s a great chemical! We all have it and we all need it. And we all want more of it. (By the way, many anti-depressants work on serotonin, another great neurochemical that helps us stay even and not be depressed. It’s a companion to dopamine, but works differently.)

It’s dopamine that gets squirted into your brain when you enjoy that moist piece of chocolate cake, or scratch a winning lottery ticket or go to the casino and hit a sting of luck. It’s a powerful drug.

And it’s this chemical that can be released when you go shopping. Let’s think about shopping for a moment: you are hunting for a great deal, you don’t know when or if you are going to find it…and when you do find something (get rewarded) it’s likely new or novel, at least in that moment. You hunt and hunt, hoping for that great score until… At last! The perfect pair of blue suede shoes at DSW, on sale, in your size. YES! Dopamine!!!

Logically, when you’re down you naturally want to get more of this feel good chemical. Wandering the mall is quick and easy, it can make you feel better, AND it can be dangerous to your wallet.

So this all begs the question: “What are healthier ways to boost dopamine that don’t bust your wallet?” If you research how to boost this feel good chemical, you’ll find lists that include: exercising, laughter, getting plenty of sleep and eating the right foods with specific suggestions.

Now I’m not saying this isn’t a great list. But I also get depressed just looking at it. When I’m down, and someone says, “Don’t go the mall. You should eat better, exercise and get plenty of sleep!” I want to smack them and then go lay on my couch…just saying.

If you disagree with my reaction, that’s great!

If you’re on the same page, here are five ways I’ve boosted my feel good chemicals when I’ve been down that are frankly more FUN. Notice these things were either 1) new or novel to me, 2) just plain pleasurable, 3) had some element of “hunting” for something and being rewarded, or 4) a combination. And most were not free, but they did fit within my plan for spending.

1. I decided to host an appetizer party because I was in need of more friend/social time. I am not a great cook, so I had a great time “hunting” for a new appetizer to make. I bought an appetizer book at Half Price Books (hunted for it) and then I hunted through it for two nights and decided on some exotic new appetizers to try out on Friday night. It was a fun party!

2. My mom and I hosted a women’s poker night with a twenty dollar buy in. I know I can’t lose more than twenty dollars, and you can already see my little neurons fire as I try to increase my pile of chips. Bonus: hanging out with these women is a ton of fun. (Maybe I’ll become a better player… Who can say?)

3. My friend found a Groupon for a stained glass class. I’ve always been curious about this beautiful art and taking a class like this is totally new and novel.

4. I called up one of my girlfriends and set up a “shopper” appointment. She came to my house and spent the evening going through my clothes, shoes and jewelry, and put together five new outfits for me. It was a blast, and it totally got me out of some clothing ruts. I did the same for her the following month. Did I mention it was a total blast? And FREE??

5. Consignment hunting. Yes, I realize this is shopping, but the point is to feel good and live your financial life in balance. And it’s likely that you really may need to buy some clothes at some point. Again, this is not about spending zero money. I like shopping for clothes and completing an outfit, so sometimes I shop in consignment stores. The prices are a fraction of the mall prices. I can hunt and be rewarded, without breaking the bank.

Again, this is not about not spending. It’s about spending your time, money and energy on things that you value (Among my values are time with friends, family, and nice outfits) while not spending more than you can afford. Wandering the mall when you are down is just plain dangerous. You end up spending too much money on things you don’t really need. So while it acts as temporary pick-me-up, you often end up feeling worse when the bills pile up. (And this has a tendency to turn into an ongoing downward spiral.)

Instead of simply fighting your inclination for a pick-me-up by hitting the mall, try taking it in another direction. You deserve to feel better. I want you to feel great.

So what else can you do that is pleasurable? What ideas do you have to boost your own feel-good chemicals? Care to share?

Want more help transforming your relationship to money? Check out all the eBooks, audios, and more robust products Mikelann has created. Are you ready to break free of the “money fog” and step into earning what you are worth? Are you are ready to get in touch with your emotions so you never feel out of control around money again? Are you ready to love your financial life? Let Mikelann help you get there. Free items are at the top of the page.