Robert Middleton, on his More Clients blog did a great post called Risking by Not Risking. He recommends creating a short list of things you are not doing or learning, because of the perceived risk, and then asking yourself these four questions:

1. Is this something that would truly benefit me if I learned it or put it into action?
2. What are some of the possible benefits I might gain if I learned or did this thing?
3. What could I potentially loose if I didn’t learn this thing or do this thing?
4. What’s the worst that could happen if I took a risk and learned this thing or did this thing?

For many of us, the greatest risk is not risking in the first place. Questions such as these help us put things in perspective. What is the worst thing that could happen? If we don’t name it, anxiety and fears loom larger then reality. Naming your fears help tame your fears.

Want to post a comment? Click on the word ” comment” under the posting. A window will pop up, asking you to “choose an identity”. If you are not a blogger, click on “other” or “anonymous”. Then it asks you to put in your name and website, which you can skip if you want to. After you write your comment, it asks you to do the “word verification” which is where you have to type in the letters you see. (This is to prevent automated spammers. Computers can’t “read” these strange letters.It proves you are a real person.) Then click “publish comment”. That’s it. It sends an email to me with your comment, which I will then publish on the blog under comments. I do this to avoid spammers. I promise to post what you write!

A lot of women in business struggle with being overly nice. When people ask us to do something, such as give away our time for free, we have a hard time saying no. This is part of the “Good Girl Syndrome”- we want everyone to like us and we don’t want to make anyone mad. Often times we say yes when we should say no, and then silently berate ourselves. The energy cost of saying yes too much is very great. In fact, giving our time and services away for free, or at a discount, is one of the number one ways that women underearn. (Underearning is the pattern of consistently earning less then you need.)

Here is a tip to help with this. Use “the pause”. The next time someone asks you to do something for free or at a discount, refrain from answering. Simply say, “let me think about it. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” It is ALWAYS okay to ask for time to think about something. Once you have some distance, and the person is not right in front of you, it is easier to think clearly. If saying yes is not in your best interest, you can plan your response. “Yes, I see the need, but all my extra time and energy is spoken for right now.” “Thanks for the opportunity, but it simply doesn’t work for my business to do that right now.” Using the pause helps the internal good girl gain perspective.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what your price says about you. It’s true that it can be very scary to occupy the high-end niche. Charging top dollar brings up a lot of issue for people. (“Who am I to charge that much?” “Am I really worth charging that much?”) But no matter what you charge, you are conveying a message. If you are at the bottom of your niche, what does that say?

A friend of mine who has heard me speak on pricing issues told me a fun story. She works for a puppet theatre that has many preschools and elementary schools as clients. One day, a woman who owned a local pre-school was sharing with my friend some of her financial frustrations. My friend advised her to start charging more money. The woman looked uncertain and said she was concerned people might not be able to afford her. My friend looked at her and said “You don’t want to be the Wal-Mart of preschools, do you?” The woman was aghast and raised her prices the following month.

What about you? Do you want to be the Wal-Mart of your niche?

A while ago a colleague sent me a great link to Robert Middleton’s More Clients Blog, with a great piece on Knowing Your Value (5.22.06). I just found it (yes, I got behind when I bought my new computer…) and wanted to pass it on. It’s so true:

Most professionals don’t feel they are being paid what they’re worth, and Robert says that this is part of their scarcity mindset.

For most people, their “wealth thermostat” is set to the amount of money they are comfortable earning. If you can’t see yourself earning $100,000, for example, then as much as you may want to earn that, you won’t do what you need to do to cross that threshold, including charging your clients enough money.

(This is where our money messages come in—“Just who do I think I am to make that much money”, “It would be greedy to ask that much”, “Good people don’t make a lot of money”….)

We are often unconscious about where our thermostat is set, but we always end up in the same range, financially. Look at your social security statement of earnings to get a sense of your thermostat.

Middleton lists a wonderful five step process to help you change your mindset about the value of your services. Check it out!

I have to pass on this fabulous article called Friends with Money from the Elements of Feminine Power ezine. Read this excerpt:

Well, for one thing, you KNOW they don’t happen among men, do they?!? Don’t get us wrong – we’re not guy-bashing when we say it. But the truth is, women have a lot more energy wrapped up in worrying about how money affects (or might affect) our relationships than men do. We want to get paid what we’re worth – and we know we’re worth a lot! And we want to be able to buy nice things for ourselves and others. But if you’re like us and our clients and friends, you’ll probably admit: you NEVER want money to come between you and the people you care about…and we women frequently suffer big-time when money and relationships get mixed together.

It is all so true! Women are intensely relational by nature. And we have to balance our desire for relationship with our need to be paid what we’re worth. Good food for thought.

A lot of women I work with don’t like to sell. They fear being seen as pushy and would rather wait for someone to come up to them and say “Hello there, can I buy from you, please?” But sometimes people need and want us to sell to them, especially if we have something they could really use.

I was reminded of this when I was reading Seth Godin’s Marketing Blog. At the farmer’s market, a man was really pushing eggplants, which Seth decided to buy. And he was glad he did!

In our permission marketing world, sometimes it’s easy to forget how important selling is. Not because people are so stupid that they need to be sold something. Not because selling is obsolete because you can just search for what you want and then buy it. No, because selling overcomes fear. Fear of closing, fear of commitment, fear of blanching or sauteeing or just plain fear of buying something. (Posted by Seth July 8th)

A lot of people are afraid of eggplants and need help overcoming their fears. So remember, if you have a valuable service, you owe it to people to tell them about it.

Our customers are not mind readers. They don’t know how much we can help them and make their lives better if we don’t tell them. Seth was really glad he bought that eggplant, and he wouldn’t have bought it if someone hadn’t sold it to him.

Rate-setting issues are in the air! I am getting many emails asking about how to set and raise your rates. Fortunately, I’m in the middle of writing an eBook called A Woman’s Guide to Setting and Raising Your Rates. Unfortunately, I can’t write fast enough. (I’m struggling a bit with balancing seeing clients, running groups, and writing. I need a few more hours in my day….) But I want to share some excerpts from my section called “Seven Signs it’s Time to Raise Your Rates”.

1. You have very little price-resistance
As Harry Beckwith, author of Selling the Invisible says: If everyone can afford you, you aren’t charging enough money. If no one can afford you, you are charging too much. So how much should you charge? Beckwith suggests that you should set your price so that about 20% of your prospects don’t hire you because your price is too high for them. This is “price resistance.” Remember, not everyone should be able to afford you!!! If everyone can afford you, you definitely can raise your rates, perhaps significantly. Now if you are losing about half your prospects because you are too expensive for them, that’s too much. Aim for about 20%. Beckwith also reminds us that abut 10% of all people balk and walk away when it comes to price. Perhaps they weren’t serious buyers of your service, it is out of their budget, or they don’t trust you. Who knows! But you simply can’t expect to close every sale. So if you don’t even have 10% price resistance, then it’s definitely time to raise your rates.

This concept was very helpful to me personally. When I raised my rates in January, I had a lot self-doubt. (“Just who did I think I was, anyways?!”) But when I realized I didn’t have much price resistance- most people could afford me- it made it easier to raise my rates and know I wouldn’t lose tons of clients.

“The Good Girl Syndrome”, which I write so much about, is alive and well in me. I’m a good girl! Good girls want everyone to like them and they don’t want to make anyone mad. They don’t want to rock the boat. Good girls have a hard time negotiating for themselves and asking for what they want and need. It seems to crop up everywhere for women, and if you are self-employed, it is a huge issue!

I notice, for me, how it crops up in my hesitation about self-promotion. For example, I send out an electronic newsletter once a month with, I think, a great article. Then I send out a second email about upcoming events. That’s it. Two emails a month. (And now that I’ve tamed my database, only Puget Sound subscribers will even get this second email! I know I’m annoying my subscribers who live far away when they get local notices. And “Good Girls” hate to annoy people!) But I still agonize. Am I sending out too much email? Am I annoying people? What is the “right” amount? It does pain me that I could be annoying people with too much mail, and yet I know that you have to put yourself out there, even when not everyone welcomes you. So perhaps the answer is not to banish the good girl. I’m not sure that is possible. Beside, I like being a “nice person”. But I’ve got to challenge my internal “good girl”. If I always worry about inconveniencing everyone around me, I won’t get very far….

I’ve been thinking a lot about masculine and feminine energy, since I wrote my last newsletter on how women can balance these energies. In my latest newsletter (email mikelann@womenearning for an article copy) I said that obviously society is out of balance and favors the masculine too much.

“However, in your personal life, many of you may need to tap into more of your
masculine energy. This energy will help you work “on” your business, while
feminine energy is wonderful for working “in” your business. When you work on
your business, you can rationally strategize for the future and then take
action. You are able to go out into the world and tell others what you do, even
though this feels risky. You assert yourself and feel strong in your marketing
and focused in your planning.”

Recently, I met Michele Lisenbury Christensen, of www.elementsoffemininepower.com. They talk a lot about masculine vs. feminine energy, and are concerned that many women are hurting themselves in the workplace by subjugating their feminine energy. When women live in an overly masculine world, eventually they burn out. I agree. But what I am wondering about is the difference between self-employed women and salaried women. My hunch is that some women leave the workplace because there is too much masculine energy. (They usually don’t say it that way!) But when women enter the world of self-employment, where everything is up to them, they often shun masculine energy and hence have a hard time promoting their businesses. In the end, it’s all about balance. No surprise there. Now if we can only achieve this balance!