We tend to spend most of our time with people who are like us. We are comfortable with people who make about the same amount of money, and if we spend time with people who make significantly more or less, it feels strange and uncomfortable. But consider this: many of us need to spend more time with people who are more successful than us! I  think that we should spend one third of our time with people who make less money than us. We can mentor them and show them how to succeed. Then we can spend one third of our time with people who are very similar to us— our friends and colleagues, sharing, relating and just relaxing. And I believe we should spend one third of our time with those who are more successful than us—these people are the “way-showers”, showing us the way.

I realized that all the people I invite over to my house for dinner are in the middle third. I am comfortable with them. So I resolved this year to invite the “upper third” to dinner more. I know amazing women who are more successful than me. Women who are kind and generous and have done amazing things with their businesses and lives. And I suspect some of them don’t consider themselves more successful then me. But I know. I need to get over the fact that I don’t have the perfect house or the perfect furniture. In my gut, I know these women don’t care. People are thrilled when someone invites them to dinner and cooks them an old-fashioned roast! So that is my resolution. I’m going to spend more time with the “upper third”. I need to expand my comfort zone and invite more models of success into my life. Let the inspiration come. What about you? Who do you hang out with?

The New Year is a great time to remind current clients about your cancellation policy. One easy way to do this is to give all your clients, new or old, a copy of your policy once a year. You might give them a “Private Practice Policy Statement”. In general, this simple document has:

• Your hourly fee or day rate
• Your cancellation policy
• How you want to be paid
• Confidentiality information

Mine is one sheet and has my mission statement at the top and a paragraph on each of the four above points. Often times, I’ll say to current clients, “Happy January! Let’s hit a couple of house keeping items before us start. I wanted to give you another copy of my policy statement, so you remember my cancellation policy. It works like this….” I’ve talked to many women who tell new clients about their 24 hour cancellation policy, only to have it slide into forgetfulness six months later. Remind your clients once a year about your cancellation policy and you will keep a lid on last minute cancellations and no-shows that never pay. Remember, every day you are training your clients how you want them to treat you. (This is one thing I discuss in my new ebook, How to Set and Raise Your Rates, publishing in March 2007)

Perfectionism issues abound for self-employed women. I have a client who is paralyzed at doing her e-newsletter. She knows she needs to put herself out there more. And she has a lot to offer people with her particular expertise. She is even a fabulous writer who often writes on other people’s behalf. But when it comes to herself, she just can’t do it. When she thinks about putting her name on it, the bar goes up. It must simply be perfect. If it is less than perfect, what will people think? Will it hurt her reputation? So now her assignment is this: create and write an imperfect newsletter. Yes, that is correct. An imperfect newsletter. Oh, she’ll create a perfect newsletter someday. That’s the project for 2008.

Another client is stopped in her tracks with her website. And while she came up with many reasons as to why it isn’t finished, some of which sound very reasonable, she openly admits that perfectionism is playing a pretty big role. She is a professional! Her site must look perfect! (She laments.) What will people think if something is worded wrong, or something doesn’t work correctly? So her new mission is this: she is going to create an imperfect website. She’ll create the perfect website in 2008. For now, she is busy creating an imperfect site.

Get the idea? What imperfect creation is on your list?

Women tend to be perfectionists when it comes to their business, even if they don’t see themselves as perfectionists. And no where is this more obvious than when it comes to raising their rates. They always seem to have a good reason to wait to raise their rates. It is as if they never feel they are quite good enough to command more money. The litany of reasons/ excuses may sound familiar: “I’ll raise my rates when I have more experience, when I have more clients, when I finish my website, when I write a book, when I collect more testimonials, when I finish that certification, when I feel like I’m worth more money….” (Of course they don’t say that last one out loud!)

Men are not waiting. I believe that self-employed men raise their rates more often then women and increase their rates by a higher percentage. (Of course there are men who suffer from this also!) Stop waiting! The question is, are you good enough right now, just as you are, to charge more money? I believe you are. Start repeating to yourself, “I deserve to make good money!” Stop waiting to be perfect. You’ll be waiting a long time.

Welcome to the Self Employed Life Blog! I was blogging earlier this year and took a hiatus. (You can see previous posts below. I kept the good ones.) Now that the blog is integrated into the www.womenearning.com website, it is so much better! This blog is dedicated to earning your worth, your own way.  I’m the founder of the Women’s Earning Institute, and I’ve been self-employed for more than a decade. In fact, I don’t think I’m “employable” anymore, in terms of the mainstream job market. Sometimes it makes me nervous. (Could I navigate traditional office software anymore?) But I rarely look back.

To me, being self-employed has become one facet of building a conscious life. It’s true that I became self-employed because my field (the psychology of money) didn’t really have a salaried counterpart. I started my first private practice in 1996 because that was the only way I knew to do the work I loved. I’m not sure how conscious I was at the time that I was embarking on being a business owner! Like many self-employed women, I did it because it seemed the logical thing to do at the time, and I loved my work. I loved the idea of flexibility and “being my own boss”. I loved being in charge. Back then, I didn’t love marketing, but I was willing to learn. And I knew that if I had children in the future, it would be easier with a flex schedule.

Well, a lot has happened in the last ten years! My career has evolved, and I like to think I’ve evolved along with it. Owning a business is an amazing personal growth opportunity, though it’s hard to think like that when things are not going well…. But the bottom line is, I strongly believe it IS possible to truly earn your worth, your own way. And to that end, this blog is dedicated. I welcome your comments.

I gave a keynote talk this weekend at a conference that addressed the deeper reasons why women undersell themselves. I call it “The Seven Earning Challenges Women Must Embrace”. (It’s a fabulous talk, but I need a catchier title…) Afterwards, as I was talking informally with the audience about some of these deeper psychological reasons women underearn, a woman raised her hand to say, “I just realized that if I don’t start, I won’t fail. If I really get going with my business, I’m not sure what will happen.” I’ve heard versions of this from numerous women. We are so afraid of failure and what it must say about us personally. Coupled with our drive for perfectionism, it DOES feel intimidating to launch a business, or start offering a new service. What if it doesn’t work? What if no one wants it or no one signs up? It can feel like the time you threw a party and almost no one showed up. You wish you could take back all the invitations.

The truth is that if you do launch something, it might not work. Gasp! Yes, it’s true. To make it easier to get going, I recommend we change our definition of success.

Stop measuring success by the results your new initiative achieves. Start defining success as the guts it takes to put out something new.

You are successful if you attempt to launch a new service. When you put yourself out there, that is a success. If it works, that is a SECOND success. Whenever we put ourselves and our businesses out there, we should clap ourselves on the back and say, “Yes! I’m doing it! I’m successful! I’ve put myself out there.” The results will be what they will be. It’s true that if you don’t start, you won’t fail. But you won’t move ahead either. And wonderful possibilities await.

It may sound paradoxical, but sometimes you have to take time off in order to make more money. What?! I find that people who struggle with earning issues never take a full day off. They are working a little bit, all the time. One of the keys to earning more money is to learn how to maximize your time. This means you work when you work and don’t work when you are off. I realize it sounds obvious, but it isn’t. Many self-employed people don’t take enough days off. They simply work too much and never rest. They never allow their batteries to re-charge. Of course they may not be working full days when they are working, which leads back to the pattern of working a little bit, all the time. Have you ever scheduled a day off and then found yourself returning phone calls, checking your work email and doing a little puttering around your office? Don’t! If you schedule a day off, don’t work! When you return, you will be rested, rejuvenated and ready to focus. Action item: Look at your calendar and decide on a “free day”. Promise yourself you will do no business work on that day.

This weekend I read a fascinating article on Dale Chihuly, the famous Northwest glass artist, called Inside the Glass Empire. The article discussed how Chihuly, always colorful and controversial, has built his profitable business. The following section caught my eye:

…Elliott, who worked for Chihuly in the 1970s and ‘80s, remembers their conversation when an Arizona craft gallery couldn’t sell a batch of glass cylinders. Chihuly looked at the prices and came up with a startling solution: “I bet if I add a zero to that they will get some respect.”
The higher prices helped push his work into the realm of fine art rather than craft—paying off brilliantly for Chihuly and eventually for others, too…. (Seattle Times, August 6, 2006)

Again, this goes back to price perception. Right or wrong, people value what they pay for. When you increase the price of your products or services, people believe they are worth more. We know this is not always true, but the PERCEPTION is that it must be a great service if it is expensive. So what does your price say about your service? Could you command more respect if you increased your price?

Well, I just broke my rule. I try to send out only two emails a month (newsletter and general tip/info) but there are some interesting local events coming up, and thought people may want to know about them. I worry about sending people too much stuff, about being perceived as being too “pushy”. Interesting. Then I was reflected on an intro meditation class I just took. I am contemplating taking a follow-up three month meditation intensive, and had briefly read a short flyer about it. I was waiting for our instructor, at the last class, to mention this upcoming intensive. She never brought it up. So I finally asked her about it. When she told our class about it, many of my classmates were intrigued and downright excited about the possibility. I think she didn’t want to be perceived as “selling” or being pushy. But often times people WANT to know what we have to offer! What about you? Do you neglect to tell people about events or services for fear of being seen as pushy? Could people benefit from knowing about them?

Many women simply don’t risk enough. Why? Risk is scary. And in truth, risk taking is about learning to tolerate anxiety. It is stressful to risk. Things might not work out. Being able to risk really means being able to deal with the possibility of defeat, and a lot of women tend to interpret defeat as rejection. Rejection always feels more personal than simple defeat.

Game-playing, which boys tend to engage in far more than girls, teaches kids that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. If boys interpreted all “losses” as “rejections,” their game playing careers would be short-lived! I hope that as more and more girls play sports, this will translate into their future business skills. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. It is not about rejection.

Many women simply haven’t had enough practice risking. Men tend to engage in risk-taking activities from a very young age. And while this may drive their mothers crazy, they are developing their risk muscles and learning to tolerate the anxiety that comes from risking, at a very young age.

Good Girls have an especially hard time risking. If they risk, they might upset the boat. Better to keep things the way they are. Don’t ruffle anyone’s feathers.
Unfortunately, without risking, it is hard to reach your full income potential. It is a risk to raise your rates. It’s a risk to offer a new service. It’s a risk to define a niche.

What about you? What risks have you taken that resulted in more money? And how have you dealt with the anxiety that comes from risking?