All posts by SeattleMoneyCoach

Rachel’s Rhinestone Earrings: The Secret to Spending Money on What Matters

August 5, 2022Emotional Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

My own first money coach, Karen McCall, wrote in her book, Financial Recovery, “Chronic overspending comes from a deep internal state of longing. The spender keeps trying to fill an emotional void by buying things.”

Have you ever bought something you didn’t really need or even want as a way to lift your spirits, feel a little better or fill a deeper need you couldn’t readily name or immediately satisfy?

We all do.

And when we do, we have the perfect opportunity to stop, reflect, discover what our deeper need really is, and make conscious choices about how to spend our money.

Rachel’s Rhinestone Earrings

Like my client, Rachel, who went shopping for a new dress for an upcoming office party. After trying on a few different things, she selected a pretty jewel-toned dress. On her way out of the store, she wandered over to the jewelry department, just to see if there was something there that might catch her eye. Sure enough, there was a pair of expensive rhinestone earrings that went perfectly with her newly purchased dress.

She bought them.

While the dress was a part of Rachel’s monthly spending plan, the earrings were not. So by the time Rachel got home, she was perplexed. Why had she bought those earrings? She certainly didn’t need them, and buying something that expensive had fouled up her spending plan.

“I bought them to look good for the party,” she thought.

But she knew it was more than that.

“What’s so important about looking good for the party? Why am I so concerned about looking attractive?”

Then it came to her.

Before she’d left the office that evening, she’d had a conversation with her brother. He’d told her of his plans to buy a diamond necklace for his wife for her birthday. She realized, in hindsight, that this revelation had made her so much more aware of being alone, of not having a partner, and her deep desire to have a relationship like her brother had with his wife.

As she processed how she felt, she realized she’d bought the earrings not to complete her party outfit, but rather as a way to feel more attractive, more dateable, more desirable.

And less lonely.

Spending Your Money On What Matters

This happens to all of us. We spend money on something we think we want (like Rachel’s rhinestone earrings) when what we truly desire is something else entirely.

As you begin to explore your own experiences of overspending, ask yourself the question, “What was so important about buying that?”

As the answer emerges, ask yourself, “And why is that so important?” Continue to dig down until you uncover the deeper emotional need you were trying to meet by buying something you didn’t need. You’ll discover what your true needs and wants really are.

This is one of the first steps to identifying your true needs before your wants, so you can focus on spending your money on what matters. Once Rachel got clear on the need she was trying to fulfill by buying those earrings, she decided to invest in one of the nicer online dating sites.

“Who knows if it will work,” she told me, “But I do know that buying those earrings wasn’t going to bring me any closer to what I truly want. And now I can choose to spend my money on something that might!”

7 Symptoms of Underearning–Identify your Pattern and Step into Prosperity

February 10, 2022Underearning 101SeattleMoneyCoach

Remember that “underearning” is the pattern of earning below YOUR potential. It’s about underselling yourself, even though you don’t want to. But you can’t overcome this pattern if you don’t see it. You must identify your pattern- your behaviors– in the first place. Women tend to see each situation in isolation—it is time to connect the dots.

I want you to take a step back and look back through your career. Look at the last 10 or 20 years. Do you see a pattern of earning less money than you need? If you have made “enough” money, do you think you’ve been earning at your true potential? Have you been thriving?

Here are 7 common ways that self-employed women undersell themselves. Do you identify with any of these? Remember, you have to identify your pattern before you can step into great prosperity.

7 Common symptoms of underearning

You set your original fees too low (lower than a man would have!)—often because you felt you were too new or inexperienced…
You struggle telling your clients you are going to raise your fees (you fear you’ll lose your clients or you worry they will feel that you think money is more important than people.)
When you do raise your fees, you don’t raise them by enough money, and hence always feel behind.
You did not negotiate your commission structure/ contract —or didn’t push it as much as a man would have
You discount your services in a variety of ways and often times don’t bill for all of your time
You often give a lot away for free—free advice, free consultations, free help
While working hard, you don’t market yourself enough. You don’t spend enough time making sure you are highly visible

Do any of these ring a bell?

As you can see, there are countless ways that women “underearn” though often times it is about what they don’t do. Did you notice that a lot of underearning is passive, as opposed to active? We just never say anything….

Women work hard and value their relationships with their colleagues and their clients. Underearning can slip in, silently, by simply not doing what needs to be done. You don’t have the negotiation conversation, or the fee conversation. You just don’t ask for what you need and want. Hence, a lot of underearning quietly saps your energy and strength over time.

Take heart! It is possible to earn more.

But step number one to conquering underearning is naming it. (In order to break a pattern you must identify the pattern.) Yes, it can be overwhelming to get in touch with this. Grief commonly comes up. And we can get mad at ourselves when we look at this. But please know that you are not alone. This is a very common, though often hidden, phenomena. It’s time to break the isolation around this issue. You are an amazing woman doing great work, and I believe it is possible to make more money.

Be gentle with yourself as you continue to look at this. Trust that this is the perfect time to address this issue. How wonderful to look at this now and not in another five or ten years. Earning your worth is a process. Give yourself credit for stepping into this process.

Start talking about underearning with your women friends and colleagues. Do they undersell themselves? (Somehow it is easier to see in other people! We just tend to stew in our own growing resentment.) Start writing about this. Keep reading about this.

Be willing to be uncomfortable. Author Barbara Stanny wrote that the number one prerequisite to making more money is the willingness to be uncomfortable. I agree with her. If you wait until you are perfectly comfortable telling people what you charge, for example, you will wait too long. Be willing to stretch. It gets easier. And then you move to the next level.

For now, start noticing your own pattern.

Ready to earn more and step into greater freedom? Click here to be notified of the next time Mikelann offers her 8 week Unlock Your Earning Power course.

Need to Set Rates? Find Your “Resentment Number”

January 25, 2022Emotional Money Path, Practical Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

Have you ever resented the amount of money you accepted to do a job? It is time to stop! If you are clear about what you need to earn in order to be happy, you will never resent your work (or having a business). You will make good money and your clients will sense you are happy and confident in what you do. They will feel they are receiving a great product or service for a fair price.

Years ago, I was asked to present a seminar in a distant city. They asked me “What do you charge?” Having no idea what to say, I told them I would get back to them.

I called up my friend and colleague, Karen McCall, of the Financial Recovery Institute, and asked her how much I should charge. Truthfully, I wanted her to tell me what to do…but instead, she said:

“How much would you need to charge them in order to not resent doing the work?”

Her question sent me spinning.

I thought hard about her advice. At the time, I had a baby, and saw many clients on my client days. This seminar would take two days of my time, meaning I could not see clients, and would be away from my family.

I decided what I would need to charge in order to not resent the time and effort required. Then, I added an amount on top of this, a number that made me smile. I called it my “happy number.” Then I called them up and told them my fee, knowing I could negotiate down to my secret resentment number if needed, but I could not go below that number. To make a long story short, I asked for– and received– what I really wanted.

What about you? Are you earning enough to not resent your clients or boss? How much do you need to charge to not resent all the time and effort you put into your work?

Really meditate on this. You may resent the pay, or the time it takes, or the drain on your energy – whatever it is, take it into account. Once you know your number, it’s important to never go below it. If you do, it will never be worth it. The resentment number acts as a safety net – a way to know your secret bottom line. Of course, I want you to earn at your “happy number,” but knowing your resentment number will keep you from going too low.

Knowing your resentment number puts you in a win-win situation. Going back to my example, if they could not pay me what I wanted, I would have stayed home and enjoyed my family (win). Since they paid what I felt I needed, I did the work and was happy doing it (win).

We all have a resentment number. And I suspect we’ve all internally resented work at one point or another because we didn’t charge enough.

When you value what you do adequately, others value it too. I suspect you already know the number in your gut. Name it. Own it. Then, aim for your happy number.

Want more help transforming your relationship to money? Check out all the eBooks, audios, and more robust products Mikelann has created. Are you ready to break free of the “money fog” and step into earning what you are worth? Are you are ready to get in touch with your emotions so you never feel out of control around money again? Are you ready to love your financial life? Let Mikelann help you get there. Free items are at the top of the page.

Ready to earn more and step into greater freedom? Click here to be notified of the next time Mikelann offers her 8 week Unlock Your Earning Power course.

Grounded Magic: rethinking the law of attraction

March 9, 2016Metaphysical Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

Can you attract more money?

We’ve all heard about the “Law of Attraction”—that what you focus on, you attract. (This was popularized in the book and movie, The Secret.) Said another way—many believe that your thinking creates and brings to you what you think about. While this may sound a bit overstated, I do believe that what you focus on tends to expand. Therefore, it is very important to be aware of what you focus your thoughts on. Yes – the Law of Attraction can be very powerful.

So why does it not always seem to work?

Just last week I was talking to a new money coaching client who said, “I’ve read all that stuff on the Law of Attraction and I really try to practice it, but it’s not working. What am I doing wrong?!”

Well, this new client was in a lot of pain. She really wanted to attract more money and was frustrated that it wasn’t working. (As many of us know, people commonly use the Law of Attraction to attract more financial security to themselves. Of course this is what gives the Law a bad rap sometimes. Some people see it as a New Age angle on materialism. But that’s a whole different article…)

I suspected I knew why it wasn’t working. Want to know the secret to the Secret? The Law of Attraction can be a very powerful, metaphysical law. However, if it is not grounded, it will not work. What do I mean by “grounded”? In terms of money—you must be clear on exactly what you are asking for.

Think of it this way: The Law of Attraction tells us to focus on what we want. That is often the first problem. Often, we don’t know exactly what we want. If you don’t know exactly how much money you need to bring in, for example, how are you going to practice the Law of Attraction? It won’t work if you are uncertain of what you want to attract.

You would never call a catalog company and say, “Please send me a shirt.” They need more details. What shirt? What size, color, style…?

In the same way, exactly how much money do you need to cover your lifestyle? Exactly what does your life cost you?

If you want the Law of Attraction to work, you will want more financial clarity by practicing healthy financial behaviors. I think that sometimes we wish all we had to do was visualize what we want to attract. Just affirm that you want more money, and it will come. But that is not enough. We must do the work it takes to get financially grounded and clear. And we must maintain this clarity. When you maintain financial clarity, magic can truly happen. Week after week and month after month, you stay grounded in what you spend and what you need. You are crystal clear on what you want to attract. This creates grounded magic.

I have my clients start out by looking at the reality of their money. We look at where it is going. I teach people how to gain control over their money so they can then decide where they want their money to go. That is where it begins to get exciting – people learn how to direct their spending and consciously create a lifestyle that is in balance. We start with the small picture and progressively move to the bigger one.

Once someone is clear about the lifestyle they want, and the money needed to maintain this lifestyle, then the Law of Attraction can be a huge help. You know what you are focusing on. (Send me a short sleeved silk red blouse, size medium please.)

When you look at where your money goes, you become more financially conscious and aware. And when you take the time to plan where you want to spend your money, you unleash a powerful force of intention in your life.

The Law of Attraction can work. By getting grounded in the world of money and practicing healthy financial behaviors, you can more easily attract what you want and need. And that is magic – grounded magic.

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work. Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

The journey from divorce to earning your worth- three tips

March 8, 2016Emotional Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

As a divorced woman, I know well the trials and tribulations of this life event. Most of us don’t think about our earning power when we marry. Our lives are full of many things beyond career- from home to relationships and children. So when divorce happens, and money begins to demand our serious consideration, we are often awash in fear and confusion.

Of course it is more than just earning money that commands our attention. After exiting a marriage that may have spanned many years, many women are unsure of how to manage their personal finances when it is just them. What does this new life even cost? And the emotions run very high as a new financial reality becomes apparent. Often, we do not have the financial resources to maintain the lifestyle we potentially took for granted for many years.

But earning issues eventually come up when you no longer have a partner who can contribute to the monthly expenses. For years I’ve written about “underearning”- when people earn below their potential. Sometimes women earned less than they could because their energy went into their homes and families. Other times, they may have been earning good money but they simply need to earn more now, to support their lifestyle on their own.

So on top of the practical new reality of being single, they are often angry and overwhelmed at their ability to command the amount of money they suddenly see they need.

Here are three tips:

First, take time to think carefully about what you actually need to earn. I’ve helped many women craft a spending and income plan for their new life that looks at their new expenses. Often I have women track their spending for a while before creating a plan, so we can see what is actually happening- the new bills, their lifestyle etc. We also look at new forms of income such as child support and spousal maintenance. Then we look carefully to see what needs to be earned.

So consider tracking your spending so you can get a deeper sense of what you actually need.

Knowing what you need to earn is powerful. It can help you decide everything from what type of job you are looking for to deciding if you will keep the house, and what to do with certain expenses. You don’t want to much financial pressure as you re-build your new life. Now is the time to assess the lifestyle you will build for the next several years.

Second, when thinking about applying for work, asking for raises, or getting contract jobs, do the research on what you can command. I can’t emphasize this enough- don’t trust your gut!!! When left to their own imaginings, women de-value their work and don’t ask for enough money. Most women suffer from this, but divorced women even more so. Often, their self-esteem is down, and they may not have been working in the same way during their marriage. So they frequently make the mistake of not asking for enough money.

Let the market guide you, not your gut. Trust me. An employer is extremely lucky to have you. Make sure you do your research and talk to knowledgeable friends before accepting anything. You are worth more than you likely feel.

Last, stop worrying about being “behind”. I’ve talked with many clients over the years who lament being behind men in the earning game. Let this go. Many women hit their career strides much later than men, but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Men can start to sputter and worry about other things. While they secretly bemoan hair loss and other age-related “men-fears”, women are often kicking ass and doing amazing work. Women in this phase of life are extremely powerful. We are like a mighty phoenix rising from ashes and are capable of commanding a lot of money and respect.

A final word- consider your new life support team. Ideally, divorcing women would benefit from a therapist, a job coach and money coach. We are all unique, of course. But this is a time when you deserve support.

Your new life awaits.

Ready to earn more and step into greater freedom? Click here to be notified of the next time Mikelann offers her 8 week Unlock Your Earning Power course.

Can you make 6 figures and still underearn? 4 min video

March 7, 2016Underearning 101SeattleMoneyCoach

I found this video I recorded a few years back and wanted to share it with you, as I think it’s helpful in understanding “underearning”. Because even if you make $100,000, you could still be underselling yourself. Really! So in these four minutes, I talk about many myths around earning money. For example- the connection between working hard and making money. Did you know that many “underearners” work their tails off and still often underearn?! And yes, you can be amazing at what you do and still underearn. So what the heck is one to do? I recorded this to get you thinking, so you could begin to shift your pattern.

Five ways you can beat the blues besides going to the mall

April 14, 2015Emotional Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

I can’t be the only woman who’s dealt with the blues, right? I’m going to take a guess and say you’ve dealt with them too. From dealing with full on depression to just feeling down every so often, no one feels great all the time.

And one common way that women (and men too but I’m talking to women in this article) make themselves feel better is to hit the mall. Now shopping is not just about relieving depression. We shop for entertainment, to spend time with friends, and to buy things that we need. But there is an interesting thing about shopping – it really DOES make us feel better sometimes. It isn’t your imagination. And why? Because shopping can literally release a “feel good” chemical into your brain.

Dopamine is a neurochemical that gets released when something is new, novel, exciting or unexpected (in a good way). It’s also released when we are rewarded in some way or when something is just plain pleasurable. It’s a great chemical! We all have it and we all need it. And we all want more of it. (By the way, many anti-depressants work on serotonin, another great neurochemical that helps us stay even and not be depressed. It’s a companion to dopamine, but works differently.)

It’s dopamine that gets squirted into your brain when you enjoy that moist piece of chocolate cake, or scratch a winning lottery ticket or go to the casino and hit a sting of luck. It’s a powerful drug.

And it’s this chemical that can be released when you go shopping. Let’s think about shopping for a moment: you are hunting for a great deal, you don’t know when or if you are going to find it…and when you do find something (get rewarded) it’s likely new or novel, at least in that moment. You hunt and hunt, hoping for that great score until… At last! The perfect pair of blue suede shoes at DSW, on sale, in your size. YES! Dopamine!!!

Logically, when you’re down you naturally want to get more of this feel good chemical. Wandering the mall is quick and easy, it can make you feel better, AND it can be dangerous to your wallet.

So this all begs the question: “What are healthier ways to boost dopamine that don’t bust your wallet?” If you research how to boost this feel good chemical, you’ll find lists that include: exercising, laughter, getting plenty of sleep and eating the right foods with specific suggestions.

Now I’m not saying this isn’t a great list. But I also get depressed just looking at it. When I’m down, and someone says, “Don’t go the mall. You should eat better, exercise and get plenty of sleep!” I want to smack them and then go lay on my couch…just saying.

If you disagree with my reaction, that’s great!

If you’re on the same page, here are five ways I’ve boosted my feel good chemicals when I’ve been down that are frankly more FUN. Notice these things were either 1) new or novel to me, 2) just plain pleasurable, 3) had some element of “hunting” for something and being rewarded, or 4) a combination. And most were not free, but they did fit within my plan for spending.

1. I decided to host an appetizer party because I was in need of more friend/social time. I am not a great cook, so I had a great time “hunting” for a new appetizer to make. I bought an appetizer book at Half Price Books (hunted for it) and then I hunted through it for two nights and decided on some exotic new appetizers to try out on Friday night. It was a fun party!

2. My mom and I hosted a women’s poker night with a twenty dollar buy in. I know I can’t lose more than twenty dollars, and you can already see my little neurons fire as I try to increase my pile of chips. Bonus: hanging out with these women is a ton of fun. (Maybe I’ll become a better player… Who can say?)

3. My friend found a Groupon for a stained glass class. I’ve always been curious about this beautiful art and taking a class like this is totally new and novel.

4. I called up one of my girlfriends and set up a “shopper” appointment. She came to my house and spent the evening going through my clothes, shoes and jewelry, and put together five new outfits for me. It was a blast, and it totally got me out of some clothing ruts. I did the same for her the following month. Did I mention it was a total blast? And FREE??

5. Consignment hunting. Yes, I realize this is shopping, but the point is to feel good and live your financial life in balance. And it’s likely that you really may need to buy some clothes at some point. Again, this is not about spending zero money. I like shopping for clothes and completing an outfit, so sometimes I shop in consignment stores. The prices are a fraction of the mall prices. I can hunt and be rewarded, without breaking the bank.

Again, this is not about not spending. It’s about spending your time, money and energy on things that you value (Among my values are time with friends, family, and nice outfits) while not spending more than you can afford. Wandering the mall when you are down is just plain dangerous. You end up spending too much money on things you don’t really need. So while it acts as temporary pick-me-up, you often end up feeling worse when the bills pile up. (And this has a tendency to turn into an ongoing downward spiral.)

Instead of simply fighting your inclination for a pick-me-up by hitting the mall, try taking it in another direction. You deserve to feel better. I want you to feel great.

So what else can you do that is pleasurable? What ideas do you have to boost your own feel-good chemicals? Care to share?

Audio: How your inner Good Girl can break free and Earn More Money

January 23, 2015Underearning 101SeattleMoneyCoach

I was recently interviewed on Debbie Whitlock’s Femme Finance radio show.

Together we explored how to earn more money and combat your inner “Good Girl”. We talked about the different ways that people “underearn” as well as some of the differences between men and women. We also dove into “noble poverty” and why some people struggle to break through their own earning ceilings. And of course we discussed how to earn more- how to make the emotional shift around earning more as well as practical ways to really go for it. Ready to break free? Listen to this jam-packed 30 minute audio. Enjoy!

A Gift for You: Create a Soulful, Balanced and Sane Season with this Holiday Planner

November 25, 2014Emotional Money Path, MoneyMinderSeattleMoneyCoach

Happy Thanksgiving! Listen- as a money coach I know that though the holidays are a joyful time, they can actually bring great stress in our lives. We often struggle to enjoy the season because of expectations and pressures we put upon ourselves. Many of us overspend, and then greet January with an emotional and spending hangover. Take heart! I want to share with you my good friend and MoneyMinder co-founder Karen McCall’s Holiday Planner . It can help you create a holiday season that is balanced and financially sane. Below, Karen shares a part of her powerful process. At the end you can download her free holiday planner. It’s a gift for you.

Best, Mikelann

How to Enjoy the holidays as balanced, within your means and stress free

From Karen McCall:

For years the holidays left me with an emotional and financial hangover. If you can relate, I’d like to share the process that turned this around for me.
The first step to making this holiday season better than previous ones is to examine what worked and what didn’t work with previous seasons. Would you like to do that? It’s not always easy, but let’s give it a try.
Here’s an example. I remember when my children were young that I used to love to buy them lots of presents… even if I couldn’t afford it. I’d start my shopping early when the department stores first started playing the Christmas music and decorating. (Have you noticed that they start this earlier and earlier these days) I would continue to shop throughout the holiday season, sometimes forgetting how many presents I had already purchased. January, when the credit card bills came, was not a pleasant experience.

Yet, when I look back to what my daughters loved the most, more than their gifts, it was the simplest things like Mom not being stressed, family time with games, and just spending time together.

What did I learn from this?

Planning.

Planning what I would spend and then sticking with it.

Remembering.

Remembering that it was the time I spent with my children, like baking cookies, that they loved even more than a new toy.
So now, each year in November, I get out my Holiday Planner and I work the process. Doing this helps me to stay in touch with the holiday season that we as a family want to have: balanced, within our means, and stress free.
To see all the steps and complete planner, you can download your copy here. Holiday Planner

The Transformative Power of a Personal Money Practice, 30 min audio interview with Mikelann

October 14, 2014MoneyMinder, Practical Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

Sara Harvey Yao, a national executive leadership consultant and head of Yao Consulting, interviewed me recently on her “Whole Leader Podcast”.

As Sara shares in this podcast, she has been on the receiving end of my coaching on how to create a healthy relationship with money. And she has also noticed how often the “money conversation” comes up in her work with leaders.

She wanted to share her experience and interview me on creating a “personal money practice”.

Sara and I both believe that this can help everyone- including the many amazing leaders Sara works with from around the country, embrace their goals of stronger leadership presence, less stress, greater impact and more peace. (In fact, Sara is an expert in how leaders can experience more presence in all areas of their life.) A personal money practice brings them all this and more. Enjoy this transformative 30 minutes.

Download the Podcast

If you’re curious about MoneyMinderOnline, you can watch a five minute video of it at www.moneyminderonline.com.