I wanted to share some additional thoughts to my previous post on my work with couples and money.

While happily married couples are generally compatible, they have some dynamic differences between them as well. This often comes out in their money relationship and can be quite wonderful to explore. The key is to be able to talk about money and share a vision for your life.

Sometimes one person has been managing the money for years and they want to shift to feeling more equal around the financial decision making. They want to be able to explore what is and isn’t working around their money, and feel like they are on the same page about both their present and their future.

Couples sometimes have fairly different backgrounds around money and different “money personalities”. This is not a bad thing- in fact, it is very common. (Besides, it’s not very sexy to marry your clone- of course you have differences!) “Savers” often marry “spenders” (in a very simplistic sense) and couples often want to transcend this, as it tends to not work for either person.  Likewise, “money worriers” often marry “money avoiders”, and eventually this doesn’t work for either person, but they don’t know what to do.

And often one person is more detailed oriented while the other is a bit more “big picture” oriented, though of course everyone needs both of these abilities.

Money coaching helps you explore your differences and utilize your individual strengths around money, while shoring up your weaknesses.  There is a sense of being a team and money coaching facilities this. This work is about exploring how to balance your present needs, wants, income and expenses, while making sure you avoid debt you don’t want, you build savings that makes you feel great, and you have a way to talk about money and make financial decisions. It is about how to create a life you both really love, as well as a future you look forward to.

(see previous post on Couples money coaching – becoming the dream team you knew you could be)

It was 20 years ago that I started my own journey of Financial Recovery.

At the time, I was completing graduate school and considered myself a pretty smart cookie. I was already fascinated with money and the almost mystical power it had. I was studying the psychology of money, and I loved digging into the metaphysics and spirituality of money, as well as learning about the connection between brain science and personal finance.

One thing that bothered me the most about this period of my life as a grad student was that I didn’t have enough money, and I didn’t have a handle on what I did have…  This stressed me out at a fundamental level. How was this possible–   I even have a bachelors in economics!

Then one day at a conference on “The Soul of Money” I hear Karen McCall, founder of the Financial Recovery Institute, talk about money in a way that was new from what I was learning. She talked about how we have to address our issues of shame and deprivation if we wanted to have a healthy relationship with money. She said that often our most persistent money problems have nothing to do with how smart we are or how hard we work. Rather, destructive money behaviors come from something much deeper—deprivation.

She further explained that deprivation meant living in a state of emptiness and longing. I knew that day that I wanted to work with Karen—I wanted to work with her as a coach and I wanted to do what she was doing.

This was profound work for me.

As Karen and I explored my own relationship with money, I saw that sometimes I was frustrated at not being able to buy what I wanted. Yet at other times, I felt guilty for indulging in things I couldn’t afford. I bounced from getting too much to not having enough, in more than one area of my life. I remember Karen saying, “You can never get enough of what you don’t need.”  So true.

Fast forward- it’s been more than 20 years that I’ve been working with people on how to transform their own relationship with money- both practically and emotionally. It is deeply rewarding work, both for me and for my clients who use this process to design a life of their own making- a life of conscious choice.

Powerful work.

If you are not ready to work with me, here is a great opportunity to work on healing deprivation issues in a very cost effective way: Karen McCall has a monthly membership group devoted to healing these issues and creating a more meaningful life. I am proud to be one of her guests whom she interviews on this powerful topic.

I think you will love this membership group.

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

I’m often asked for book recommendations to read as part of your money journey. So below are three wonderful books that get to the heart of your relationship with money. They are not just about the practical side of money, with advice on debt and savings, but rather, they all go much deeper into the emotional and spiritual sides of money.  All three of these women are trusted colleagues of mine. I’m quoted in Karen’s book, I’ve been cited in various books by Barbara (and even contributed to one of her anthologies) and Bari has had me both teach for her and has interviewed me. I say this not to brag, but to let you know how well I know and trust their work. These books cover everything from how you were raised with money and your “money story”, to getting to the root of overspending and underearning. They are each an odyssey of personal growth and will move you forward.

And as you know, I feel strongly about the transformative nature of my work as a money coach. Working with a guide will move you from feeling bad or just plain frustrated about your money life to designing a life you love and feeling great about money.  But sometimes it is a book that is your guide. So it my hope and prayer that one of these books can be a light for you on your money journey. Enjoy!

Financial Recovery- How to develop a healthy relationship with money

Karen McCall is my oldest and dearest colleague and this book is in many ways a capstone of her amazing 40 year career as a money coach. Whether you are suffering under crushing debt, unable to save money, or caught in the tangle of inherited wealth, Karen’s book offers a time-tested plan for building a stable and satisfying way of life — and keeping it that way. It will help you make a fundamental shift in the way you understand and behave around money.

Filled with many stories, Karen’s book presents a simple system that enables you to discover your underlying attitudes about money — often the cause of self-defeating money behaviors such as overspending, chronic debt, underearning, and low or no savings — and provides the tools, strategies, and support to achieve financial well-being. Karen is a master money coach and true adept at getting to the emotional heart of the matter.  (I trained with Karen after completing graduate school.)

The Art of Money- A life-changing guide to financial happiness

Bari Tessler has been a money coach for many years and finally wrote a book that captures her thinking and feelings about money. It’s a beautiful book. From how to heal your money story, to the practical side of what to DO with money, she maps it all out. She focuses on money “healing”, and using our relationship with money as a gateway to self-awareness. She weaves together emotional depth, big-picture visioning, and refreshingly accessible, nitty-gritty money practices. Like Karen’s book above, it is full of many honest stories, including her own journey. Enjoy with a cup of tea.

Sacred Success: A Course in Financial Miracles, by Barbara Stanny

Barbara Stanny has focused for years on working with women and their relationship to money. (Prince Charming isn’t Coming- how women get smart about money—was her first big book. It’s also fabulous.) This book goes deep into women’s often troubled relationship with power, and how this translates to financial success. Sometimes, it’s necessary to take a step back and surrender for a time, heal, step into YOUR vision, and from there move into your own sacred success. I have a lot of my high power clients who earn a lot of money, but may be questioning their life paths, read the first half of this book. What does it really mean to be a woman of power?…. This book is amazing.

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

It’s a bright shiny New Year, and I bet you’ve heard many versions of “New Year, New You.” So—is this year the year to shift your relationship with money? Here are three steps to contemplate, so you decide if this is the year to make the shift.

The first step is to name the feeling that you are tired of experiencing.

Here are examples: you are tired of worrying that the money you make isn’t going to the right places. You’re tired of feeling guilt over what you spend sometimes, like taking vacations. You’re tired of feeling frustrated over not having enough for large home projects. You’re tired of stressing over balances (retirement account balances, debt balances). You feel anxiety when you think about sitting down and trying to figure it all out.

Worry, guilt, stress, anxiety. Yikes. If you feel these things relating to money, I imagine it is draining you. I find that people often get used to feeling these feelings, though. However, money frustrations can often morph to free floating anxiety.

And, sometimes people simply can’t kick this nagging feeling that they are “not good with money”. This feeling may go all the way back—to childhood. If so, I bet you are tired of this feeling!

So step one is naming what is not working. More specifically– name the feeling that you are tired of experiencing. 

Step two is to assess your energy you could potentially devote to making a shift.

Do you have the energy to devote to this project? Making shifts does take time. And time is energy. Yes, you can hire a guide and get help (step three perhaps) but before then, you want to contemplate your energy. This may be the year that you need to devote to your health, or your children or some other area of life. Is this the time to consider making a shift in your relationship to money?

Step three is to begin by taking one action to show the universe that you are ready to make the shift.

Here are some possible actions:

• Read a money book (I will share three books I recommend in my next post.)
• Set up automatic payments (to retirement accounts or to credit cards or line of credits)
• Talk to your financial planner
• Start tracking your spending and income
• Work with a money coach (you knew I would throw that one in there.)

What action appeals? Which feels doable? What does your intuition tell you is a good place to start?

Again, the three steps to feeling better are name the feeling you want to change, assess your energy to make a shift, and start by taking one action.

I have guided many women on this journey to feeling better about their finances. It is a sacred journey, and yes, it has twists and turns at times. Our individual money stories would make quite a fascinating read! But most of all, my wish for you is that you feel better about money. As simple as this sounds, we all know it is huge. When we feel better about money, we breathe easier, think about money less, have more freedom, and begin the next stage of the journey around money- designing a life we truly love.

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

Did you know that food and money are connected in many ways? We spend and eat to feel better, or just to “numb out”. Yes, they both have a deeply emotional component to them. Here is my article on this. And here is a three minute video about this. I end it with three helpful questions to ask yourself so you can get a handle on both emotional spending and eating.

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

As a money coach, I ask new clients about their relationship to food.

What?! Why am I asking that? Because food and money issues are often related. For starters, they are the two most common things we turn to, to make ourselves feel better.

Think of it this way– when we are depressed, sad or angry, many of us will eat to make ourselves feel better or we’ll spend money to feel better. They are also how we sooth ourselves when we feel anxious.

How about you? Have you ever had a bad fight with a friend or a boss and then found yourself out shopping? Or perhaps indulging in some yummy ice-cream?

We also turn to spending or eating when faced with fear of lack or not having enough. When people start a weight loss program, for example, it is common for their spending to spiral out of control. They are afraid of being deprived in one area of their life (food) so they turn to another area (money) to indulge and prove to themselves that they are okay.

I’ve had many clients sheepishly confess that before coming to their first appointment with me they did some major shopping. Why? They were afraid that when they really looked at their money, they’d see they wouldn’t have enough and they would be forced to spend less. They were worried. So they wanted to spend before they saw they “shouldn’t” spend. Now the truth is that when you truly learn how to take control of your finances, you learn how to truly take care of yourself. There IS enough. But the initial fear is that of not-enough.

Yes, food and money swing in the same orbit. We use food and money to reward ourselves. Sometimes we use food and money to punish ourselves. (It’s true- sometimes we don’t spend enough money on ourselves and we don’t eat enough. We may also deprive ourselves by underearning.)

I find that yet another reason food and money are so related is that there is no hard core “bottom line” for either. You can’t say to yourself, “I just won’t eat.” or “I just won’t spend money.” You have to eat and you have to spend. So what is the right amount? This is where it gets very personal. You need to discover, for you, what your ‘bottom line behaviors” are around money. What are your personal guidelines? They may be different than someone else’s. Money is very personal. And all of this goes for food as well.

The good news is that when we become aware that eating and spending have an emotional component, change becomes easier. It’s not all about “just do it”. When you take the time to see what is underneath the behavior, true change becomes possible.

For starters, I have clients think on these three simple but deep questions when they feel drawn to spend in an emotional way:

1. How am I feeling right now?

2. Am I trying to change how I feel or am I trying to numb out?

3. How else might I go about taking care of my feelings?

And as you can guess, these questions can work for emotional eating as well.

Money and food are deeply related. So here is to thinking about your own relationship to them. What do you notice?

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.