All posts by SeattleMoneyCoach

Three steps to feeling better about money in the New Year

January 17, 2017Emotional Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

It’s a bright shiny New Year, and I bet you’ve heard many versions of “New Year, New You.” So—is this year the year to shift your relationship with money? Here are three steps to contemplate, so you decide if this is the year to make the shift.

The first step is to name the feeling that you are tired of experiencing.

Here are examples: you are tired of worrying that the money you make isn’t going to the right places. You’re tired of feeling guilt over what you spend sometimes, like taking vacations. You’re tired of feeling frustrated over not having enough for large home projects. You’re tired of stressing over balances (retirement account balances, debt balances). You feel anxiety when you think about sitting down and trying to figure it all out.

Worry, guilt, stress, anxiety. Yikes. If you feel these things relating to money, I imagine it is draining you. I find that people often get used to feeling these feelings, though. However, money frustrations can often morph to free floating anxiety.

And, sometimes people simply can’t kick this nagging feeling that they are “not good with money”. This feeling may go all the way back—to childhood. If so, I bet you are tired of this feeling!

So step one is naming what is not working. More specifically– name the feeling that you are tired of experiencing.

Step two is to assess your energy you could potentially devote to making a shift.

Do you have the energy to devote to this project? Making shifts does take time. And time is energy. Yes, you can hire a guide and get help (step three perhaps) but before then, you want to contemplate your energy. This may be the year that you need to devote to your health, or your children or some other area of life. Is this the time to consider making a shift in your relationship to money?

Step three is to begin by taking one action to show the universe that you are ready to make the shift.

Here are some possible actions:

Read a money book (I will share three books I recommend in my next post.)
Set up automatic payments (to retirement accounts or to credit cards or line of credits)
Talk to your financial planner
Start tracking your spending and income
Work with a money coach (you knew I would throw that one in there.)

What action appeals? Which feels doable? What does your intuition tell you is a good place to start?

Again, the three steps to feeling better are name the feeling you want to change, assess your energy to make a shift, and start by taking one action.

I have guided many women on this journey to feeling better about their finances. It is a sacred journey, and yes, it has twists and turns at times. Our individual money stories would make quite a fascinating read! But most of all, my wish for you is that you feel better about money. As simple as this sounds, we all know it is huge. When we feel better about money, we breathe easier, think about money less, have more freedom, and begin the next stage of the journey around money- designing a life we truly love.

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work. Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

6 tiny tips to keep your holiday sanity

December 13, 2016Practical Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

Happy Holidays,

I am sure everyone is in the swing of the holidays and doesn’t have time to read a newsletter. So here are six tiny thoughts to keep you happy and sane during this magical time….

Remember, some gifts should be considered “token gifts” and, as such, should be small enough and of a low enough value that the receiver doesn’t feel obligated to reciprocate.
I love this quote from Mary Hunt: “It’s not up to you to find the exactly perfect gift that will fulfill the deepest heart’s desire of your recipient. It’s not your responsibility to become the ultimate mind reader and desire fulfiller. A gift is simply an expression of your fondness for the recipient.” Yes!!
The reason shopping with a list is so important is that you know when to stop. If you don’t have a finish line, or an end, you are going to keep going as long as the stores are open.
Family favorites? Ask family members what 2 or 3 things they liked the best about last year’s holiday events. Sometimes the simplest things get the highest rating. You may find out you are knocking yourself out on things no one is really interested in. When I asked my son, he said gifts (predictable) and helping me make chocolate walnut bourbon balls. It was quite the production– and a fun night.
For all us single parents—don’t get caught up in one-upmanship with your ex-spouse over gifts. It is your relationship with your kids that matters. They want time with us. (And they want to help us make chocolate walnut bourbon balls.)
Holiday mantra to repeat over and over—“I am not June Cleaver”- nor would I want to be! A messy house sure looks great if you dim the lights and plug in the tree. (I can’t be the only one who grew up watching reruns of Leave it to Beaver- after school in the seventies…)

My holiday best to you all,

Mikelann

P.S. If you want to transform your relationship to money next year, please contact me.

The food and money connection (video)

October 26, 2016Emotional Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

Did you know that food and money are connected in many ways? We spend and eat to feel better, or just to “numb out”. Yes, they both have a deeply emotional component to them. Here is my article on this. And here is a three minute video about this. I end it with three helpful questions to ask yourself so you can get a handle on both emotional spending and eating.

The food and money connection

October 18, 2016Emotional Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

As a money coach, I ask new clients about their relationship to food.

What?! Why am I asking that? Because food and money issues are often related. For starters, they are the two most common things we turn to, to make ourselves feel better.

Think of it this way– when we are depressed, sad or angry, many of us will eat to make ourselves feel better or we’ll spend money to feel better. They are also how we sooth ourselves when we feel anxious.

How about you? Have you ever had a bad fight with a friend or a boss and then found yourself out shopping? Or perhaps indulging in some yummy ice-cream?

We also turn to spending or eating when faced with fear of lack or not having enough. When people start a weight loss program, for example, it is common for their spending to spiral out of control. They are afraid of being deprived in one area of their life (food) so they turn to another area (money) to indulge and prove to themselves that they are okay.

I’ve had many clients sheepishly confess that before coming to their first appointment with me they did some major shopping. Why? They were afraid that when they really looked at their money, they’d see they wouldn’t have enough and they would be forced to spend less. They were worried. So they wanted to spend before they saw they “shouldn’t” spend. Now the truth is that when you truly learn how to take control of your finances, you learn how to truly take care of yourself. There IS enough. But the initial fear is that of not-enough.

Yes, food and money swing in the same orbit. We use food and money to reward ourselves. Sometimes we use food and money to punish ourselves. (It’s true- sometimes we don’t spend enough money on ourselves and we don’t eat enough. We may also deprive ourselves by underearning.)

I find that yet another reason food and money are so related is that there is no hard core “bottom line” for either. You can’t say to yourself, “I just won’t eat.” or “I just won’t spend money.” You have to eat and you have to spend. So what is the right amount? This is where it gets very personal. You need to discover, for you, what your ‘bottom line behaviors” are around money. What are your personal guidelines? They may be different than someone else’s. Money is very personal. And all of this goes for food as well.

The good news is that when we become aware that eating and spending have an emotional component, change becomes easier. It’s not all about “just do it”. When you take the time to see what is underneath the behavior, true change becomes possible.

For starters, I have clients think on these three simple but deep questions when they feel drawn to spend in an emotional way:

1. How am I feeling right now?

2. Am I trying to change how I feel or am I trying to numb out?

3. How else might I go about taking care of my feelings?

And as you can guess, these questions can work for emotional eating as well.

Money and food are deeply related. So here is to thinking about your own relationship to them. What do you notice?

The key to simplifying your money — and your life (Video)

September 27, 2016VideosSeattleMoneyCoach

As a money coach, I am a huge proponent of simplicity. The more complex a person’s financial picture, often the more money fog creeps in. Multiple accounts invite fog- keeping us from truly seeing what we earn and spend as the money moves round and round among accounts… Simpler is better. So here is a video I recorded for you on the key to simplifying your finances- and your life.

Vision Board: How to create life you love (Video)

September 14, 2016VideosSeattleMoneyCoach

Check out my 4 minute video on vision boards- how to create a life you love. I talk about how vision boards work and how I created mine. Every day you are visualizing what you want to call forth into your life. Some call this the “Law of Attraction” and others are inspired by the Olympic athletes who use this technique to successfully improve their craft. Whatever you call it, visualization is powerful . What you focus on, expands. And vision boards work because they are a potent form of visualization.. When you combine this visualization with your money skills, you can do anything.

How to let go of past money mistakes

July 26, 2016Emotional Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

“If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us we’d be millionaires” – Abigail Van Buren

Raise your hand if you’ve never made a mistake with money or never had a financial regret. Anyone? I thought not. We’ve all made mistakes with money. I know I have.

So many women beat themselves up for how they’ve dealt with- or not dealt with- money. So we have to start this conversation with forgiveness.

First of all, everyone has made mistakes. Everyone. Some of us are mad that we incurred credit card debt. (I was upset with myself about that one.) Some of us regret not saving more money. (I really got down on myself for that one too.)

Some of us feel we made a mistake buying a house we could not afford, or taking out large student loans. Some of us realize how much we have undersold ourselves. (I was shocked when I realized that people around me had asked for more money at one of my jobs. I hadn’t even negotiated!) People make all sorts of mistakes. Everyone has made mistakes and everyone has money regrets. Join the club. There’s plenty of room.

To compound our woes, we rarely talk about them. When we make relationship mistakes, we often hash over the “I can’t believe I did that” with girlfriends over a glass of wine. But when it comes to money, we can be extremely self-critical—suffering pangs of regret and remorse- replaying our money mistakes over and over in our head– mostly in isolation.

So I want you to consider the idea that you are NOT alone. Everyone has made money mistakes!

And now I want you to consider that it is time to forgive yourself so you can move on. One of my favorite quotes is this Victoria Holt quote -“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience!” And oh yeah, we’ve all got a heck of a lot of experiences.

I know you’ve heard it said that you did the best you could at the time, with where you were and what you knew. And that’s true. To err is human, remember. And you ARE human.

But I also want you to consider this- your health, emotional and physical- NEEDS you to forgive yourself. Every study done on the subject of forgiveness tells us that not forgiving actually harms our health. You are more prone to illness when you don’t forgive yourself.

So can you imagine saying, “I need to move on for the sake of my health?”

Some people have a hard time forgiving because they confuse it with forgetting. But they are not the same. You do not have to forget. You can use what has happened in your life around money as amazing fuel to move you forward. But you deserve to forgive yourself. What happened is one piece of your life, but it is not YOU.

Here is my vote: find the silver lining- so what is the silver lining? What did you learn? The school of hard knocks is hard, but it isn’t called a “school” for nothing. What would you do differently now? If this hadn’t happened, might it have happened in the future in a bigger or different way? There is a learning here. Find it.

For me, I was embarrassed about having credit card debt, and about not making enough money. I didn’t want to talk about it. But I thought about it- a lot. When I finally let myself talk about it, I could hear how self-critical I was. And once I started sharing my feelings, I experienced a huge sense of relief.

When I began to reflect on my financial life, I realized I had learned a lot. And I needed to experience what didn’t work in order to seek a new way.

Remember, to make mistakes is human. And making money mistakes does NOT define who we are. What we do about them, though, does say a lot. It is our capacity to see and learn and grow that makes us amazing human beings. Transforming and healing your relationship to money is a sacred journey, full of twists and turns at times. But it is a journey none-the-less. Is it time to forgive yourself so you can continue the journey?

The art and magic of simplifying your finances

June 22, 2016Practical Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

Want to know a secret to feeling more peaceful and in control with your money? Simplify your finances. And the best way to do this is to limit the number of accounts you have. Simpler is better.

Over the years, I’ve seen just about everything. When new clients come in, one of the first things we do after they share their story is draw a picture of all their accounts and how the money flows. I’ve seen people with three checking accounts, four credit card accounts and three savings accounts—at multiple banks. It’s not uncommon.

Sometimes multiple accounts are a left over from a past relationship. (Divorce?) Other times people purposefully set up multiple accounts in an effort to manage their finances. “I’ll pay the mortgage from this account and my car and other bills from here. And this checking account is for fun….” And then they divide up the money among accounts- and then commence to move it around when it doesn’t quite work….

Other times it just feels like accounts breed behind our backs- sometimes from offers from banks. We want to be smart and get the better interest bearing account, so we open a new one….

I find that people are truly trying to do the best they can.

So here’s the deal: for many people the more accounts you have- the more money fog you are likely in. And the harder it is to plan what you want to do with your money. Simpler is better. Period.

People who are successful with money- who feel good about their finances and feel in “control” of their money– often have one checking account and one primary savings account linked to it. Then they have one credit card account.

That’s it.

One. The power of one.

One checking account. One savings account. One credit account.

In fact, studies show that people with multiple credit cards are often in danger of overextending and having late payments. The most successful/ high credit scores are actually owned by people that use one card. Two at the most. Multiple cards are often taken as a warning sign by credit institutions. It’s simply a lot to juggle, and banks know this.

And no matter what- the more accounts you spend out of, the harder it is to see what you spend.

So- can you close some accounts?

Multiple accounts are simply not worth the time and attention they take. Think of it like spring cleaning. Time to clean out the wardrobe, redo the insides of that kitchen cabinet, and rethink what accounts you want to use.

In the simplest, sanest and happiest of all worlds, primarily use one account- your checking account. Befriend your debit card. It’s very easy. (And as I’ve written about before, people spend more when they use credit as opposed to debit. It’s a brain thing- it’s very difficult to avoid overspending when you use a credit card because you simply don’t feel it in the same way. I’m not saying to not possess a credit card. You can use it for large purchases and then pay it off. But it will be easier to do if you only have one credit card, and you seldom use it. And if you have one primary checking account, you can clearly see that you have the money to pay it off.)

But if you do use a credit card, use one card. That will simplify things immensely.

One is a magic number. Anxiety goes down with fewer places to look. Life calms down.

So, is it time to simplify things?

You are not screwed if you are divorced

May 9, 2016Emotional Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

So— I just read the most depressing article on divorced women and retirement funding. And it REALLY pissed me off. Perhaps not for the reasons you think. We have all heard how divorced women have less money for retirement, and often less money period.

But this article was so damn depressing I thought, “Okay, I’m divorced. So I guess I’m just screwed. I’d best just jump off a bridge now and be done with it. Since I sure as hell don’t want to live UNDER the freaking bridge.”

Now I’m not sure this is the effect they were looking for. And keep in mind that I’m a money coach, for god’s sake. But this article really hit me. (I’ve been stewing on it for a couple of weeks. I won’t even link to it here- it’s too depressing. On Slate.com. Email me if you want the link.)

I mean, what is the point of scaring people? To be clear, the article was not on how to get a better divorce settlement. Now THAT could be helpful. If you are divorced, well, you are divorced. And are you trying to scare women in to staying in bad marriages? Really? So if you are in a horrid, or just loveless, this-chapter-in-my life-has-definitely-run-its-course (and I may have married the wrong guy to begin with) marriage, well, too bad. No matter how bad it is, you should stay married. Are you kidding me?? REALLY???

I think not.

I am divorced and I have created a wonderful life for myself. It’s not what I saw for myself 15 years ago. My house is smaller. But my house is wonderful and so truly “me” that it’s the favorite hangout spot for many of my friends. (Some of whom have bigger houses.) And in many ways my life is even more wonderful that I could have imagined.

Having to be super conscious about creating a new life will do that to you. There is nothing in my life that I do not want in my life.

My mother divorced, and her generation of divorced women really skew those depressing stats in a downward death spiral. BUT she has used her creativity, practicality and general even-keeled view of life to create a life that is envied by many of her friends (and some of mine as well.) Oh- and she retired last year and is having a great time!

So- I share my pissed-offness to say, if you are divorced, you CAN thrive and create an amazing life. It takes thoughtfulness in a different way. It takes conscious living. And it takes a willingness to really look at what you value so you can have more of that, and less of what you don’t. If you do have less money, there is simply no room for things that don’t light your fire. (And if you are working, there is wonderful new fuel to take your career and sacred earning to a new level.)

In fact, many divorced women I know are actually living more authentic and joyful lives then before they divorced (we divorced for a reason, remember?) They are focused on intentional life creation. Do they have to be? Yes. The downside is that the stats tell us that if we are not super intentional and really look at our relationship to money, we risk not having enough. But when we step back and ask “what is enough?” and how do I use my creativity to create a new life of MY own design, all things are possible. Really.

Consciousness, Money and Technology – the art of staying awake and aware

April 5, 2016Metaphysical Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

My favorite definition of consciousness is very simple, yet profound: it is the state of being awake and aware of one’s surroundings.

So, this begs the question: how does one stay conscious about money, a potent form of life energy, while using technology to your advantage?

And more to the point- what is the best use of technology when it comes to thinking about your finances?

As the cofounder of MoneyMinderOnline (spending plan software that is used to track and plan your spending and income) I have spent a lot of time pondering this question. And because I have a Master’s in Consciousness Studies and Psychology, I feel literally compelled to ask these questions!

Disclaimer: first and foremost, I am a money coach (not a technologist). And as such, my goal is to help people feel better about their relationship to money. My clients want to feel more in control (like they are in the driver’s seat of their life). It is way too easy to feel out of control—like someone else is driving our money car and we are along for a scary joy ride… I became a money coach to help fix that problem.

We are all busy, and sometimes attending to our money feels like it falls between the cracks of our overscheduled lives. We would love to work on to our relationship to money if we knew how (that’s where we money coaches come in) but we want to be mindful of our time and spend it on what matters.

I’ll let you in on the big secret.

What matters is being conscious about what you spend. What matters is knowing what you need to earn. What matters is having a plan each month that takes care of you, helps you meet your financial goals, and makes you feel great about your lifestyle choices and your life.

So, you need a way to track your spending that is efficient and uses technology, but helps keep you awake and aware.

Recently, our spending plan software went through a major upgrade (hooray!). Users can now download their spending from checking and credit card accounts. And – even more exciting—MoneyMinderOnline “learns” your spending. Your Safeway transaction will now to default to groceries. Oh happy, happy!

If you can track faster using technology, that is great. But only if you then spend the saved time thinking about what you are doing and planning where you want to spend your money this month.

Sometimes automation can lead to being unconscious. When all our bills are on autopay, for example, they often go unexamined and unquestioned.

Yes, technology makes it easier to track your finances. However, the key is to use technology correctly. It is there to give you the ability to spend your valuable time on what really matters—not to drift off into an automated money fog.

What is the point of tracking, even with the help of technology, if you don’t really look?

(I mean, just because software thinks Safeway should be categorized as groceries, doesn’t always mean it is. I ran in to Safeway last week and bought a massive bouquet of flowers as a gift for a friend. And sure, that visit to Target was for clothes last time, but that doesn’t mean your Target transactions should be categorized as clothing every time. You need to look at what your automation is assuming. You have the final say and should review all transactions to make sure they are categorized the way YOU want.)

Bottom line: technology is wonderful because it saves us time on tedious repetitive tasks. But the key is to make sure that we then use some of the reclaimed time to think, feel, and notice what we notice.

When you analyze where you spend your money, you may see where you spent differently than you intended, and why. This is where emotional money issues come up. This is where different ways to handle cash flow can be debated. This is where you think about how to create more satisfaction within your lifestyle – and contemplate how to create the life of your dreams while attending to all your financial goals.

This is the true power of technology: to save us time so we can use our precious minutes on the things that matter most.

It’s about staying conscious.