I am thinking a lot about foundations- literally. I am in the process of building a second home that I will rent out. (I’ll write future posts on alternative ways to think about retirement, income streams and going “work optional”. Once you are in command of your money, there are many ways to do it.)

I had underestimated the importance of the foundation part of the project. But not anymore. My back lot is a sea of mud, there is an excavator parked in the middle, and concrete forms are rising up out of the earth. Water and sewer pipes are being trenched in. (Is that a verb?) The picture is complete with a honey bucket in my front yard.  Wow.

As I gaze upon my queendom, I realize that this foundation will stand strong for my entire life, regardless of whether the house that appears on top is remodeled and changed over the years.

I sat with a client recently, coaching her on how to manipulate her annual income and spending plan to give her more of what she wants- more time, more savings, less debt. But she was able to engage at this high level because she had worked hard on her foundation. She had spent several months with me learning how to be in touch with her money– track it,  use savings to manage her cash flow (instead of debt) and work at the monthly planning level. She had also fully engaged in exploring her emotions around money. And while the initial stages were a bit messy, like my back lot, her foundation is now very strong.

So it goes without saying that a healthy foundation is key to building the house- and life – you want. But in money, we often want to rush to the “sexy” stuff. So we build a gorgeous room on dirt or sand, and then it eventually sinks and falls apart. We want to move to investing, or focus on making large pots of money from big projects etc. But without a strong foundation, these things will simply not give us lasting impact. A year later, we often find ourselves in the same place. (Stressed out and anxious about money.)

The cornerstone to the foundation for a healthy relationship with money is tracking the flow of it. If you can track the flow of money in and out of your life, then you become in charge of that flow. You can direct the flow, like a conductor leading an orchestra. And once you learn how to direct the flow, pure magic can happen. (It’s also easier to increase the flow once you are in control of it. Trust me.) You become the conscious creator of your life- your own life architect.

From strong foundations, pure magic can arise and you can build the house of your dreams.

(But oh man– I can’t wait for the honey bucket to get carted away.)

 I wanted to share some additional thoughts to my previous post on my work with couples and money.

While happily married couples are generally compatible, they have some dynamic differences between them as well. This often comes out in their money relationship and can be quite wonderful to explore. The key is to be able to talk about money and share a vision for your life.

Sometimes one person has been managing the money for years and they want to shift to feeling more equal around the financial decision making. They want to be able to explore what is and isn’t working around their money, and feel like they are on the same page about both their present and their future.

Couples sometimes have fairly different backgrounds around money and different “money personalities”. This is not a bad thing- in fact, it is very common. (Besides, it’s not very sexy to marry your clone- of course you have differences!) “Savers” often marry “spenders” (in a very simplistic sense) and couples often want to transcend this, as it tends to not work for either person.  Likewise, “money worriers” often marry “money avoiders”, and eventually this doesn’t work for either person, but they don’t know what to do.

And often one person is more detailed oriented while the other is a bit more “big picture” oriented, though of course everyone needs both of these abilities.

Money coaching helps you explore your differences and utilize your individual strengths around money, while shoring up your weaknesses.  There is a sense of being a team and money coaching facilities this. This work is about exploring how to balance your present needs, wants, income and expenses, while making sure you avoid debt you don’t want, you build savings that makes you feel great, and you have a way to talk about money and make financial decisions. It is about how to create a life you both really love, as well as a future you look forward to.

(see previous post on Couples money coaching – becoming the dream team you knew you could be)

It was 20 years ago that I started my own journey of Financial Recovery.

At the time, I was completing graduate school and considered myself a pretty smart cookie. I was already fascinated with money and the almost mystical power it had. I was studying the psychology of money, and I loved digging into the metaphysics and spirituality of money, as well as learning about the connection between brain science and personal finance.

One thing that bothered me the most about this period of my life as a grad student was that I didn’t have enough money, and I didn’t have a handle on what I did have…  This stressed me out at a fundamental level. How was this possible–   I even have a bachelors in economics!

Then one day at a conference on “The Soul of Money” I hear Karen McCall, founder of the Financial Recovery Institute, talk about money in a way that was new from what I was learning. She talked about how we have to address our issues of shame and deprivation if we wanted to have a healthy relationship with money. She said that often our most persistent money problems have nothing to do with how smart we are or how hard we work. Rather, destructive money behaviors come from something much deeper—deprivation.

She further explained that deprivation meant living in a state of emptiness and longing. I knew that day that I wanted to work with Karen—I wanted to work with her as a coach and I wanted to do what she was doing.

This was profound work for me.

As Karen and I explored my own relationship with money, I saw that sometimes I was frustrated at not being able to buy what I wanted. Yet at other times, I felt guilty for indulging in things I couldn’t afford. I bounced from getting too much to not having enough, in more than one area of my life. I remember Karen saying, “You can never get enough of what you don’t need.”  So true.

Fast forward- it’s been more than 20 years that I’ve been working with people on how to transform their own relationship with money- both practically and emotionally. It is deeply rewarding work, both for me and for my clients who use this process to design a life of their own making- a life of conscious choice.

Powerful work.

If you are not ready to work with me, here is a great opportunity to work on healing deprivation issues in a very cost effective way: Karen McCall has a monthly membership group devoted to healing these issues and creating a more meaningful life. I am proud to be one of her guests whom she interviews on this powerful topic.

I think you will love this membership group.

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

I’m often asked for book recommendations to read as part of your money journey. So below are three wonderful books that get to the heart of your relationship with money. They are not just about the practical side of money, with advice on debt and savings, but rather, they all go much deeper into the emotional and spiritual sides of money.  All three of these women are trusted colleagues of mine. I’m quoted in Karen’s book, I’ve been cited in various books by Barbara (and even contributed to one of her anthologies) and Bari has had me both teach for her and has interviewed me. I say this not to brag, but to let you know how well I know and trust their work. These books cover everything from how you were raised with money and your “money story”, to getting to the root of overspending and underearning. They are each an odyssey of personal growth and will move you forward.

And as you know, I feel strongly about the transformative nature of my work as a money coach. Working with a guide will move you from feeling bad or just plain frustrated about your money life to designing a life you love and feeling great about money.  But sometimes it is a book that is your guide. So it my hope and prayer that one of these books can be a light for you on your money journey. Enjoy!

Financial Recovery- How to develop a healthy relationship with money

Karen McCall is my oldest and dearest colleague and this book is in many ways a capstone of her amazing 40 year career as a money coach. Whether you are suffering under crushing debt, unable to save money, or caught in the tangle of inherited wealth, Karen’s book offers a time-tested plan for building a stable and satisfying way of life — and keeping it that way. It will help you make a fundamental shift in the way you understand and behave around money.

Filled with many stories, Karen’s book presents a simple system that enables you to discover your underlying attitudes about money — often the cause of self-defeating money behaviors such as overspending, chronic debt, underearning, and low or no savings — and provides the tools, strategies, and support to achieve financial well-being. Karen is a master money coach and true adept at getting to the emotional heart of the matter.  (I trained with Karen after completing graduate school.)

The Art of Money- A life-changing guide to financial happiness

Bari Tessler has been a money coach for many years and finally wrote a book that captures her thinking and feelings about money. It’s a beautiful book. From how to heal your money story, to the practical side of what to DO with money, she maps it all out. She focuses on money “healing”, and using our relationship with money as a gateway to self-awareness. She weaves together emotional depth, big-picture visioning, and refreshingly accessible, nitty-gritty money practices. Like Karen’s book above, it is full of many honest stories, including her own journey. Enjoy with a cup of tea.

Sacred Success: A Course in Financial Miracles, by Barbara Stanny

Barbara Stanny has focused for years on working with women and their relationship to money. (Prince Charming isn’t Coming- how women get smart about money—was her first big book. It’s also fabulous.) This book goes deep into women’s often troubled relationship with power, and how this translates to financial success. Sometimes, it’s necessary to take a step back and surrender for a time, heal, step into YOUR vision, and from there move into your own sacred success. I have a lot of my high power clients who earn a lot of money, but may be questioning their life paths, read the first half of this book. What does it really mean to be a woman of power?…. This book is amazing.

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.