All posts by SeattleMoneyCoach

The Dream Catcher Podcast

Podcast: Creating a mindset of abundance

Uncategorized

Want some joyful inspiration for your money life? Here is an amazing 40 minute podcast on:

  • How to live your financial life in alignment with your core values- so you can spend on what truly gives you JOY, while also protecting your future.
  • How to unhook your self-worth from your net worth.
  • What the role of the Law of Attraction is, in creating financial abundance.

The lovely woman who interviewed me was Seline Shenoy — a blogger, podcast host and journalist on topics related to psychology & personal growth, wellness, social & global issues. She is the founder of The Dream Catcher – a blog and podcast community that connects and encourages people to live their dream life and make a difference in the world.

Listen here

 

How to live fully from divine abundance — A book recommendation

Uncategorized

I love this book: It’s Not Your Money- how to live fully from Divine Abundance, by Tosha Silver

Occasionally a money book comes along that I adore so much, I not only read it twice, but must share it with my readers. Tosha Silver’s latest is one such book. What makes it sweeter is that I consider Tosha Silver one of my spiritual teachers. Five years ago, my friend Kathy handed me her first book, “Outrageous Openness” and I have been hooked ever since. 

Tosha is not a money guru. And she herself definitely never saw a money book in her future. She is an American spiritual teacher. Tosha Silver graduated from Yale with a degree in English Literature but along the way fell madly in love with the deep path of Raja Yoga and the spiritual philosophies of East India. For the past 30 years she has taught people around the world ways to align with Inner Love.

One of her core teachings is about “offering”. When we offer our lives– our thoughts, decisions, and actions– over to the Divine Source, everything flows easier. This could be about romance, careers, what car to buy, or… money.  

Tosha’s deep personal spiritual practice is married with her irreverent sense of humor and a boatload of wonderful stories. She writes about her own relationship with the Divine and money, and how the Divine can be everyone’s intimate life companion as they navigate financial waters with greater ease. 

While not against the “law of attraction”, she has noticed over the years that we often pervert this law into forcing it to deliver what we want, as if the universe were a cosmic Amazon wish fulfillment service. Then we think we did something wrong when the Amazon truck does not disgorge our fulfilled wishes. If one aligns oneself with flow and knows that it is not really your money to begin with, but the Divines, everything becomes easier. 

A word on language, which she herself addresses in the opening: you can use God or whatever word suits you. Some will prefer “Universal Source”, or Shakti, Lord, Love, Flow, Lakshmi (Indian Goddess of abundance), Divine Intelligence, or whatever works for you. 

At the center of her work is the idea that we are here to serve the Divine and have the Divine flow through us, not the other way around–where the divine is at our beck and call.  Tosha’s work is dedicated to the idea of “offering”. This is a beautiful concept. We can offer up our burdens and let go of being the “doer”. The divine will show the way. And with practice, offering gets easier.

She interweaves the idea of “Prarabdha Karma”– “the idea that in each lifetime, a soul is born for a distinct curriculum. Every desire might not be meant to occur, no matter how many vision boards you make.” (The emphasis is Tosha’s.)  The truth is that everyone may have a different set of abundance lessons they are learning in any given lifetime.  But you can learn how to invite and embody the universal Source, and as you open to it, abundance flows in all sorts of wonderful ways.  

Her book is about how to become a conduit for Divine Flow. She teaches us how to become open to how God wants to “deliver”, often in ways we never imagined. 

In short, when we align with the Divine Source, true abundance can flow through us unimpeded.  Chasing abundance does not work. “Being” abundance, and letting it flow through us, does.

With all this in mind, Tosha guides the reader through five steps that will align you with greater abundance. This allows prosperity, in all its many forms, to flow easier into your life. You are lifted from financial worries and come to a place of knowing that you are always taken care of and there is always enough money.

As one of her chapters opens, it says, “You can’t water the roses if you are standing on the garden hose.” Yes! She teaches the reader how to shift from demanding and chasing to offering and opening. In this way, abundance begins to truly flow through you.  Trust replaces fear. 

One of her steps will be familiar to readers: clearing out clutter. When people release clutter, they create room for something new to come into their life. I have seen this again and again with clients. As they clean out a purse or an old file cabinet, money comes in unexpected ways.  (I wrote a post inspired by Marie Kondo’s book, called “The life changing magic of tidying up your finances” and how it relates to prosperity.

Opening up to receiving is also key. When we say, “I am open to receiving” we allow the flow to come. So many people, women more than men, tend to give too much and not allow their “receiving” value to function two-way. Sometimes we feel guilty about receiving. But to become truly abundant, we need to allow the flow to come to us in sometimes unexpected ways. You can not pray for greater abundance, and then dictate to the Divine how the flow arrives. (You can certainly state your preference, however.)

Through story after story, Tosha shares how offering and clearing, praying, and releasing, bring us abundance in the way that is perfect for us. Along the way she helps us cleanse old childhood wounds that keep us stuck. So many of us have wounds that say we do not deserve abundance, and this staunches the divine flow. 

One core of her book is her abundance prayer. She asks readers to say it daily. It is beautiful and powerful. I will only quote the beginning of it here, as it is truly Tosha’s. But I urge you to get the book just for it, and even better, buy a copy of the abundance prayer. Frame it and say it daily. I bought two copies- one I framed for me and one I gave to my love to keep by his bed as he transitions to his next career calling. He loves it too.

“Divine Beloved, allow me to give with complete ease and abundance,

Know that You are the unlimited Source of all.

Let me be an easy, open conduit for Your prosperity.

Let me trust that all my own needs are always met in amazing ways

And that it’s safe to give freely as my heart guides….

(The entire prayer is here on Tosha’s site in her store. https://toshasilver.com/)

I’ll end this review by quoting what is on the back of the dustcover to Tosha’s book. Writes Tosha, “Very often people find my work because chasing and grasping has crashed and burned like a meteor. But that painful destruction is a moment of tremendous grace as well. Because when the ego finally sees the utter madness of trying to lead, you come to a sacred crossroads in your own evolution… You’re finally ready to let something greater than the ego take over your finances, and everything else. True intimacy with the Divine can begin. This is the road to abundance and freedom.”

Coming Home Magazine

‘Tis the season to save

Practical Money Path

 

 

Recently I was interviewed by Coming Home Magazine on how to make smart spending choices for gift giving. I really love the article they published with “six pro tips” and wanted to share it with you. ‘Tis the season! I hope this helps you save money and enjoy holiday shopping with less stress.

How to make smart spending choices for gift giving.

The average person spends about $1,000 a year on holiday gifts and will take until July to pay it off. We asked money coach Mikelann R. Valterra, MA, AFC®, to share her top tips so you won’t fall victim to the holiday spending hangover come January

Create a spending plan. Most people overspend during the holidays because they don’t do any planning or preparation. It may sound simple, but creating a holiday spending plan is one of the most important things you can do to stick to your budget. To start, make a list of everyone you’re going to shop for, gift ideas, and the amount you want to spend. Then, add it all up, make sure you’re comfortable with the dollar amount, and adjust as needed. A plan will help you get your shopping done faster and cut down on impulse buying. 

Pro Tip: Don’t carelessly create a plan on the back of an envelope and never look at it again. Keep your list with you, and when you buy a gift, update the list. With a plan in place, you’ll know when to stop shopping—if you don’t have a finish line, you’ll keep going. 

Buy group gifts. If you can, avoid giving individual gifts. If you’re shopping for a whole family, consider purchasing one all-encompassing present, like a game or an experience, instead of one for each family member. Buying for a group will save you time, money, and stress. 

Pro Tip: Another way to avoid buying individual gifts is by doing a name drawing. Decide on a price limit, put everyone’s name in a hat, take turns picking, and only shop for the person you choose. 

Have a single source of spending money. Ideally, it’s best to use cash when buying gifts; people can spend up to 20% more when using a credit card. However, if a credit card is your only option, you should use the same card for all your holiday shopping. Multiple cards can quickly lead to overspending. 

Pro Tip: If you’re putting gifts on a credit card, don’t buy more than you can pay off in two months. Also, stick to using a basic, low-interest credit card, not a store-specific one. 

Don’t worry about finding the perfect gift. It isn’t up to you to find the perfect gift that’ll fulfill all desires. You aren’t expected to be a mind reader; gifting should serve as an opportunity to express your fondness for the recipient. Nobody wants you to go into debt on your search for the perfect gift. 

Pro Tip: Some gifts should be considered “token gifts” that are small enough that the recipient doesn’t feel the need to reciprocate. You shouldn’t give just to get! 

Communicate expectations. Going overboard and over-gifting is a common problem this time of year. Being transparent and setting limits, both in terms of money and quantity, is crucial—especially when it comes to kids. You don’t have to feel guilty about spending too little. Help things go smoothly by communicating expectations early on. 

Pro Tip: Parents: ask your kids to share the top three things they loved about the holidays from the previous year. Often, their answers will include things like making cookies or looking at lights—not gifts. Make sure to schedule these activities into your holiday plans. Doing so will take the focus off gifts and keep everyone happy. 

Limit your shopping time. When you’re shopping, it’s easy to get into a trance and mindlessly spend money. If you’re shopping online, set a timer for 60 minutes. When the timer goes off, step away from your computer for a bit. If you’re at the mall, make it a priority to take a break every 90 minutes or so. Doing this will make you more thoughtful about your gifting and your spending. 

Pro Tip: These breaks don’t need to be long. If you’re at home, spend a few minutes unloading the dishwasher or updating your list. If you’re out and about, take five and grab a coffee or tea.

Mikelann Valterra is a money coach and accredited financial counselor with over 20 years’ experience. She specializes in working with women—coaching them on how to escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances, and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please visit www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life-changing work. Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money. 

This article is republished with permission. It was originally published in Coming Home Magazine.

Your money personality has this question for you

Practical Money Path, Uncategorized

Whenever I teach a seminar on money, invariably I ask the audience, “What is the point of having money?” Answers start flying and I throw them on a whiteboard. “Retirement, vacations, money for my kid’s college, pay my mortgage, to have fun, to not be stressed about money, charitable giving, to pay the bills, new car….”

The list goes on. From the specific to the general, there are as many answers as there are people. How would you personally answer the question– what is the point of having money?

Said another way: Why is money important to you? 

Most responses boil down to one of two answers:

  • Money is important so I can do what I want to do

or

  • Money is important so I can feel secure.

If you could only pick one answer, which would it be? Your choice reflects your “core money drive”, or your core motivation when it comes to money.  And this is part of what makes up your money personality. 

It all comes down to this: for most of us, the point of money is either freedom or security. So–if you picked number one, your core money motivation is FREEDOM. If you picked number two, your core money motivation is SECURITY.

EXPLORING FREEDOM

If what motivates you is freedom, you want money so you can feel… free! You crave to feel independent, and you would likely trade many things in life for the ability to feel free and be free. 

The downside can be that freedom-oriented people often don’t like managing money, and sometimes can get in trouble with debt. (Sometimes their answer is “I’ll make so much money that it will all be fine. Done.”) 

Freedom oriented people are generally generous people, who love enjoying life. And they tend to gravitate towards self-employment or contract work so they can set their own schedules.  

EXPLORING SECURITY

If what motivates you is security, you want money so you can feel… secure! You think of money as the means to feel protected and safe. A stable home is often important to you. Your friends likely see you as a grounded person.  It’s also likely that you enjoy managing your money, since it gives you peace of mind to see it. 

Security oriented people, however, do not relish a lot of risk taking. It’s highly possible that you enjoy jobs that have a steady schedule and a steady paycheck.

Needless to say, there is no right or wrong way to be. The key is understanding yourself and knowing why you do what you do with money. As Socrates said, “know they self”. 

When we become clear about who we are, what truly motivates us, and how that translates to our money life, many things become easier. There are a lot of good things associated with both freedom and security. And each of these can have a shadow side. Knowing your shadow-side– your blind spot– can help you steer clear of it.

Seven tips to access your money intuition

Metaphysical Money Path

We’ve all had that “feeling” arise–a hunch or a sudden sense guides us on what to do next or gently stops us from proceeding. We hear the whisper that directs us down a new road and leads us to explore a new topic or to avoid a bad situation. 

Intuition. We all have intuition, whether we claim it or not. It is part of how we make decisions and it is honored not only by spiritual traditions, but also by scientists that “suddenly” make a new discovery. And the truth is, we make better decisions when we allow intuition a seat at the table.

Making money decisions is no different. When we tune into our inner voice, the voice of wise counsel, we can make better decisions about money: how to spend it, earn it, save or invest it. 

Now, let me be clear that using our analytic reasoning to make decisions is obviously important. We gather information, analyze it, weigh pros and cons, and decide. This logical aspect of our brain is a potent key to our success in the world. It is simply not the only key!

Ideally, we use both our intuition and our rational intellect to make money decisions. Together they make a powerful combo.  Think of it this way: intuition operates from the right side of the brain and rational intellect operates from the left side. Why would we only use half our brain??

Or said another way, when we use both the head and the heart, we make better money decisions.

Author Aletheia Luna writes in the book, The Spiritual Awakening Process, “Our unconscious minds are oceans of wisdom, understanding, and insight. Intuition, that mysterious inner guide we all have, is a manifestation of this vast untapped world within us. Learning to trust your intuition will help you live a life true to yourself and your deepest needs….”

The question is: how do we access our intuition?

And sometimes we fear that if we “listen to intuition” or our gut, we will be led astray. People sometimes ask me, “How do I know if it’s intuition as opposed to just my fears that are talking?” Or “How do I know this is not just wishful thinking?”

One of the biggest keys to accessing intuition is to be in a calm space when you tune into it. Fear is anything but calm. When we make decisions from a fear-based place, we feel anxiety, stress, and sometimes a feeling that “we’d better do this or else…”  

I believe intuition is soul guidance. It comes from a higher place within us.  

Recently I was reading the spiritual classic “Autobiography of a yogi”, and while not on money, I was struck by how Yogananda spoke to using intuition to make better decisions. He writes, “Intuition is soul guidance, appearing naturally in people during those instants when their mind is calm. Nearly everyone has had the experience of an inexplicitly correct “hunch”… The goal of yoga science is to calm the mind, that without distortion it may hear the infallible counsel of the inner voice.”

The tips I’m about to share will help you find this calm space to better access your money intuition. 

You don’t have to practice meditation to access this voice when you are debating if you should buy that car, raise your fees, make an offer on the house, or attend the Nordstrom’s half yearly sale. The question is, can you allow yourself to tune inside to that inner quiet voice that has guidance for you, in addition to using your wonderful rational brain?

With all this in mind, here are seven tips on how to access your money intuition:

  1. Give yourself a quiet calm space to reflect on what you are deciding. Intuition can only operate when you are in a calm space. It is literally very quiet, for one thing. You generally can’t hear it in a loud environment. Intuition itself comes from our subconscious- or more accurately- beyond the conscious mind. Its source is in our higher consciousness. So it may take a while to calm oneself and tune inward to this space. If you are debating a money decision, can you take the time to take a walk? Can you listen to some favorite calming music? Can you light a candle and do some journaling with your morning coffee? This is something I do. (You can use the questions in tip number 7.)
  1. Intuition often speaks in feelings and images–not necessarily words. So ask yourself, “How will I feel if I do this?” Be aware of the first feeling that arises: Happy? Excited? Scared? Worried? 
  1. If you have more time to make a decision, such as buying a house or changing a job, pay close attention to your dreams. Remember that intuition speaks in images. What might the dream be telling you?
  1. Some people are very “body aware”. If you often get information through your body, or through sensing (called clairsentience) than pay attention to what your body or senses are telling you.  What does your “gut” tell you? Do you get a little queasy when you think of buying a brand-new car vs one that is two years old? Or does your stomach soar with a warm feeling?
  1. Pretend you hear it, until you feel more confident. As strange as it sounds, if it feels weird to you to try to listen to an internal voice, or if you simply don’t hear anything, then simply imagine that you do. Say to yourself, “if I was my intuition and I was speaking from my higher self, what might I whisper to myself about this decision?”
  1. Remember, intuition is inherently gentle and never threatening. It is from the highest part of ourselves. This means that if you feel “pressured” to do something, or a feeling comes up that says, “I’d better do this or else”, that is the voice of fear talking–not intuition. 
  1. Intuition does not exist in normal time.  Since it is from our highest self, it has full access to our past as well as our future. (Apologies if this is too metaphysical for some.)  If you prefer, it has access to the collective unconscious that is talked about in Jungian psychology. This means its wisdom extends beyond the here and now. It knows what is in your best interest in the future as well. Therefore, you can ask it very big questions like:
    1. What decision is ultimately in my highest good?
    2. What does my future self advise me?
    3. What decision will bring me the greatest peace?

Ultimately, when we bring both our minds and our hearts to money decisions, we make better decisions. Once you are done rationally analyzing something and “running the numbers”, allow yourself some time to simply quietly reflect on the decision you are debating. When you tune inward, what does your inner guidance whisper? Pay attention to this quiet voice. Reflect upon it. Let it provide wise counsel. Listen thoughtfully, then decide and act, without second thoughts.

The Yoga of Money

Metaphysical Money Path

Last week as I was doing some yoga postures and preparing to meditate, it struck me that yoga has some deep similarities to how I handle my money life. Let me share why I think this.

Yoga has come to mean, in the West, the physical postures done in yoga classes—from yoga studios to health clubs. It is a beautiful and healthy way to exercise the body, giving one both strength and flexibility, as well as helping to reduce one’s stress level. 

However, this was not always the definition of Yoga. Yoga is actually a spiritual path and a philosophy that is thousands of years old. What we now know as “yoga”, are just the physical postures, (called “asanas”), which were originally designed to prepare the body for deep meditation. We can call this “postural” yoga, and many know it as Hatha yoga. And indeed, when one’s body feels good and is free of aches and pains, it is far easier to sit in deep contemplation and enter the various mystical states that an internal spiritual practice leads to.

(Hang in there! I promise this will relate to money.)

I think a lot about yoga and all of its facets. I personally practice yoga, though in the more classical definition. In fact I could call it classic yoga, Raja yoga, or even yoga of the ancient sages (especially if I want to get funny looks). Sometimes I simply say I practice “yoga meditation” to avoid all of the modern confusion.  I find so much depth and richness in the contemplative life and the path of meditation. Spiritual practice is a foundation of my life.

But there is great truth that asana practice (Hatha Yoga)—the physical practice of strengthening and stretching the body—helps my mediation practice a great deal. Simply put, when my back hurts, it is harder to focus inward on the spiritual realm. I find myself focusing on my sore knee, my hip that aches, my mid back that throbs, and or my neck that seems to have slept in someone else’s bed.

In my practice as a money coach, I find a similar relationship between tracking one’s money and the larger vision that unfolds around money. Tracking is like doing the yoga poses, and an annual spending plan is like the deeper levels of spiritual practice. 

Like spiritual practice, annual plans are about visioning and finding both inner and outer balance in life.  It is about the road to living a fully actualized life. It is about self-realization. 

But if one starts there, at the big picture they want for their lives, and they do not have a clean and clear money foundation under them, they find themselves chasing their tail in circles. It’s like striving for the promise of meditation without doing the foundational practices which include asana. You may end up suffering from a sore back which distracts you from actually meditating. 

I’ve had many amazing clients come in over the years who are great at envisioning the big picture, or they simply long to vision their life. However, they are in such deep money fog (too many accounts, they don’t know where their money is going, or they are not consciously directing their spending) that the vision never fully takes shape. And they become deeply frustrated with their money life. They suffer from a sense of unfulfillment. They know they are capable of more, but can’t seem to get there. 

It is true that it does take time to build the foundation and step into our vision. And the vision we ultimately create for our lives is not a onetime event—it is an unfolding, like spiritual practice.

I have worked with my own annual spending plan process for years at a very deep level, and it has allowed me to build a life and a lifestyle I could only dream of—step by step—including a life that gives me time to pursue my own personal interests.

Here is an important key. It is tracking my money each week and looking at my monthly plan, which powers this larger vision and continual unfoldment. 

Simply put, tracking one’s money is like doing a daily physical yoga practice. Getting clear about one’s daily, weekly and monthly finances creates a very healthy relationship to money, just like Hatha yoga creates a very healthy body. And once one has a healthier “money body” it is easier and more natural to go to the next level.

And as practitioners of all modern yoga styles know, their physical practice flows out to other parts of their lives. They are more grounded, centered, and full of a sweet, gentle energy. They will often try to share this yoga benefit with their non-yoga friends, but it can be hard to describe, can’t it. Outsiders see only the physical poses, not the personal energetic benefit. 

This daily or weekly practice of postural (Hatha) yoga is of great benefit to one’s spiritual life, too. And even if someone does not maintain a daily meditation practice, the deeper benefits are assuredly felt. Yoga practitioners move through life with greater ease. This is the ease that I want people to feel around money. With a strong foundation under them, people can easily move to the higher levels of money and create and fulfill visions of their life they never dreamed was possible.

It is possible to create the life you love.

Six positive money actions you can make during this strange Covid time

Emotional Money Path

We are all feeling the effect of not going out, waiting for the Coronavirus to lessen its hold on our society. But my work has continued, as my clients (who I now see online) continue to work on their relationship to money. Some have reduced incomes, some are struggling with increased online spending, and others have old money stories arising from childhood. Now is definitely a good time to continue working on one’s relationship to money. In fact, never has there been a better time to learn how to manage one’s cash flow in a healthy way. 

And yet everything is so incredibly strange, isn’t it? Has everything stopped? Are we in limbo waiting for life to resume on the other side? I know everyone reading this has something that has been deeply impacted. 

So I want to share six positive money moves you could make as a result of this strange time. It IS possible to come out of this Covid-haze with your finances in BETTER shape than when you went in. You can resolve to have healthier, saner, easier finances, for the next time life throws you a curve ball. Because while this is a curve ball that our entire society has been thrown, we will all have individual curve balls in the future. 

Make the most of this strange time by taking one or more of the following actions.  Then you can feel that there was something positive to come out of this bizarre quarantine time.

  • House clean online monthly subscriptions. Now could be a great time to look at your statements and list all the monthly entertainment and other on-line subscriptions you have. From Netflix and Hulu to monthly online membership groups, many of us buy these and then eventually stop using them, but don’t cancel them. Schedule a couple of hours to call and email those you don’t want or use anymore. Stop the slow leak
  • Consolidate your accounts. I’m a huge believer in having simple elegant finances. One checking account, one credit card account, and two savings accounts (one for periodic expenses and a safety net.) So now could be a good time to get the automatic deductions off of the miscellaneous credit cards you have and move everything on to one credit card. This way you can see what you spend, far easier. The more accounts you use, the more money fog you are in. Here’s a two minute video I recorded on this.
  • Clean up the mail box and your paper files at home. Time to let go of some paper? Empty those files. And the next time your accounts and bills give you the options for eBills and eStatements, consider it. Especially if you have some bills on auto pay, such as utility bills. You likely have an account on line, so why have a hard copy bill mailed also? This is a great time to do some house cleaning. 
  • Start a safety net. Open a new saving account at your bank and nick name it in the online banking interface, “Safety Net”. Set up an automatic transfer each month of $100 (or more). This is the account that you will eventually have three months expenses in, so the next time you encounter a curve ball, you will feel more secure. 
  • Increase or start retirement investing. There is never a bad time to work on your retirement funding, though often we put this off. Call your company and increase your 401(k) by 1%. Or increase your IRA funding if you are self-employed. Or start an IRA if you have no retirement funding started. (Consider a target retirement fund at Vanguard if you do not have a financial planner. The diversification is handled for you.) And here is my post on taming the fear of retirement planning.

There can be positives that come out of this time when we are all cocooning. Schedule some time for yourself to do one of these actions, and you will feel like you made the most of this time. Because it IS possible to come out of this Covid-haze with your finances in BETTER shape than when you went in. And no doubt you’ve discovered some new shows on Netflix as well.

My best to you,

Mikelann

Financial Magic- crystal balls and annual plans

Practical Money Path

A couple of Saturdays ago, I finally sat down with my magic crystal ball. I was ready to create my personal 2020 spending plan. I was a bit nervous this year about what I would see in the ball. I am finishing a large construction project on my house, and my son is in his third year of college. (Wow.) And I’ve become very involved in the Seattle Tango community, so of course I want to take lots of classes and go on tango trips. Who doesn’t want to dance and travel! But the cost. Yikes…

So I sat down with a cup of coffee, called up The Crystal Ball and set to work.

(Lights darken, crystal ball begins to glow, getting brighter and brighter, mists swirl in its depth and begin to part, and I lean forward, peering into the future….)

Two hours later, I had all my answers. Well, I had a lot of answers and I wanted time to think. To feel. To journal.  To digest the future I had just seen. This future seemed to have several scenarios and I was going to have to make some choices. I am reminded of that saying, “You can have anything you want, but you can’t have everything you want.” Rats.

So I poured another cup of coffee. And found some chocolate.

Each year I go through this ritual. I simply can’t imagine living without a crystal ball—my annual spending plan.  Some call it a “budget”, but I really hate that word and I don’t even let my money coaching clients use it. It’s a PLAN.  My plan. (The tool I love the most for creating a plan is www.moneygrit.com) I also create a plan every month to guide me through the month. And honestly it’s hard for me to imagine not having this monthly guiding light to keep my stress down. But every January I take it to the next level and plan the entire year. I do for myself what I help my clients do.

I think about all the things I really want in the coming year, and all of the things I need. (Like travel and new blinds and furniture for the addition.) I think about the reality of my life and what large expenses may occur regardless of my love of them—car repair, dental work…. I think about my goals and my dreams for the future.

Of course I also put all my normal monthly expenses into my annual plan, but I debate those too. Every year I look at my expense with a fresh eye. Is it time to change cable companies? Am I happy with my hairdresser? (Yes!) Is it time to let go of the hardcopy Sunday newspaper? (Maybe.)

When I work on my annual spending plan, I have to balance all of my expenses against the money I have coming in this year. Oh- that part. But there is a fundamental truth to money that doesn’t change: you simply cannot spend more money than you have coming in. Well, you can by using debt or draining your assets, but in the long run, there is great unhappiness and stress down that road.  

It’s certainly true that money is not the most important thing. But I find that when people have a clear plan and have a way to actually follow their plan, they think less about money and can settle down and focus on what is important in their life. I have definitely found this to be the case in my own life.

For now, I’m still working on my own annual plan. The beauty of the crystal ball is that it merely shows possible futures and outcomes. It shows me where I will be financially come next December if I do various things. Nothing is set in stone. I get to ultimately decide which path I will go down. Then I can relax and put some time into my hobbies, my family, my friends, my life.

I love the feeling of being in the driver’s seat of my own life!

P.S. The software I use with my clients to help them create an annual plan is here- www.moneygrit.com. It is spending plan software designed to help you step out of the “money fog” and start planning the life you want.

Gift giving ideas to reduce financial stress

Practical Money Path

Thanksgiving is coming up. I hope you all have restful plans for it. After turkey, I personally plan on dancing tango the rest of the holiday weekend. Fun!  But before I put on dance shoes, I will draw names with my family for Christmas gifts. And so it begins… 

A few helpful gift-giving and money thoughts- 

  • Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday to set gift expectations with your family. If you are going to draw names instead of giving every member of the extended family a gift, now is the time to do this. If you draw names, make sure you tell the group the financial limit. Think of this as a game and people need to know the “rules”. Passing the hat with names is a fun Thanksgiving activity. (One year we passed the hat twice- the adults in my family each drew one name for a $100 gift. Then we reloaded the hat with names and added the teenagers in the family. The second round was for a $25 gift, so the teens could be in on it. It was a fun and sweet gift exchange for the extended family gathering.)
  • Are you bothered with the “do we really need more stuff??” Do a name drawing round and add another rule: each gift must be edible! Or create your own rules.
  • If you have children, now is the time to set their expectations around their gift list and how much mom and dad are spending. Kids of all ages do well when they know what to expect.  Each year I tell my son the total of how much I am spending on his gifts, and he enjoys getting busy with his amazon wish list. Here are more ideas for sane gift giving: https://www.seattlemoneycoach.com/re-imagine-gift-giving-propose-changes-thanksgiving/ 
  • Stressed in general over Christmas? Or are you dealing with being a single parent over the holidays?  Here is my four minute video on holiday sanity ideas https://www.seattlemoneycoach.com/6-tips-sane-holiday-gifting-video/
  • The top way to avoid overspending is creating a list. We don’t just underestimate the money- we also tend to underestimate how many people we gift. So here is the link to creating a holiday spending plan:  https://www.seattlemoneycoach.com/create-holiday-spending-plan/

How to tame the fear of saving for retirement – a pep talk

Practical Money Path

I work with clients on how to tame financial anxiety. I teach them the practical skills needed to manage their cash flow as well as help them explore their emotions around money.  This work propels them into a balanced lifestyle- where they spend within their means and feel good about it. 

Fearing the future

But what of the future?  Nothing brings up fear and anxiety about the future like retirement planning does. In the middle of the night we awaken worried about our future- what will we do? How will we take care of ourselves?  Will there be enough? Some become haunted by images of bag ladies destined to walk the streets with their shopping bags. We awaken and think, “I have to get a handle on retirement”. But then the cold sweat recedes into the background and forms a kind of free floating anxiety.  And no action is taken.

We all want to retire and live comfortably. One of the reasons we take no action is that we simply don’t know what to do.  And not knowing what to do keeps us locked in inaction. Articles on retirement planning can be complicated, and we are often stopped by the numbers. We immediately become suspicious that we don’t have enough money to save for the future, so why bother looking under the bed at the monster? Better to not think about it.

Why scaring people doesn’t work

Some financial writers try to scare you into action, by painting dire numbers and depressing, “if you don’t do something right now” scenarios. The obvious problem is that fear and anxiety are well known to keep people from doing anything. It literally freezes them. 

And of course there are all those articles on how we should have started saving when we were 25 because of the power of compound interest… but these articles serve to shut us down if we are 43 and haven’t done a lot. We feel defeated before we even start. We feel hopeless, like we’ve lost too much time and we can never catchup. And I’m sorry, but retirement funding was NOT on my mind at 25 as I debated marriage, grad school loans, babies and a used car that didn’t have a lot of use left in it….

It’s not too late to catch up

So let me be clear- it is NOT TRUE that it’s too late to catch up and be on track for retirement. Many of us who started late, for a wide variety of reasons, simply need to open up to the creative possibilities that lay before us. Maybe we were wiped out in a divorce at 40 (I was). Or we’ve simply been deeply distracted by raising kids and managing our careers and dealing with a variety of curve balls that life likes to throw. 

On the positive side, we are older and wiser now. With our life experience we can think more rationally about lifestyle and not get as caught up in how society tells us we should live or spend. 

Some positives of being our age

Another positive is that many of us make a lot more money now than when we were 25. This is great news! So while our expenses have obviously increased from 25 as well, we are working with more money and can direct some of this to retirement, once we get clear.

Experience has also likely taught us that automatic monthly deductions can be our friend (like that 401k pull), and that inevitably we will be able to live on what is “left over” after the contributions are taken from our account or paycheck. In fact, it’s highly likely that you’ve adjusted many times in your life to varying sizes of income.  This is the power of life experience.

One Possible Action

So now is a great time to sit down and wrap your arms around retirement planning. Taking a couple of actions will make a big difference. 

One action may be significantly increasing your 401k or IRA contribution. Make it monthly, not annually. That is MUCH more livable and doable.

One thing I tell my coaching clients is to not fight basic financial psychology. It is very hard for most people to find large chunks of money once a year. It’s almost always better to invest automatically once a month with a paycheck deduction or a deduction from your checking account.  If you learn to live on what is left after a monthly contribution, you will be a MUCH happier person, one who doesn’t think about this all the time. (And you’ll actually make more money in your investments- you will take advantage of what is called “dollar cost averaging” with monthly investing, not risk bad market timing by investing only once a year.)

The truth is that monthly investing brings sanity and happiness. AND it also means you really will think about money LESS often. Bonus-  you can avoid the stressed out mad scramble to fund your IRA in one fell swoop just because your accountant tells you what it would save you in taxes.

Releasing energy

Increasing your investing, or starting to invest, IS doable and we do have enough time when we enter into the conversation and put a couple of things in place.

The glorious upshot is that  if we can come to the place of feeling like we will be okay because we know we are “on track” and will have enough money to live on someday, this releases enormous energy. We don’t fear the future or dwell on it.  It frees us up to enjoy our lives that much more in the present. 

In a future post, I will share five basic steps to planning your retirement. (With a couple of simple calculators thrown in. Oh fun!) Then we’ll get you to an investment planner and off you’ll go.

Last, if you are curious about the difference between a money coach and a financial planner, please read this post.