All posts by SeattleMoneyCoach

The magic of planning your spending

August 19, 2022Metaphysical Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild, and precious life? – Mary Oliver, American Poet

How I love this quote! It captures why I love the art of planning my spending. Because the art of planning your spending is really the art of planning your life. And I suspect you want a wonderful life full of less stress, more peace, and more fun.

Learning how to plan your spending literally gives you the ability to create a life full of magic. Really!

As we all know, nothing happens without a plan. Or things happen, but haphazardly. Maybe you get what you wanted, and maybe you don’t. I am personally not willing to leave my one wild and precious life to chance. Granted, there are enough curve balls (A pandemic!?) but planning my spending means I can literally create a life that gives me what I desire.

And yet so often people are resistant to planning their spending. Even though we all know that it’s difficult to take a wonderful trip without planning. And I consider my entire life a wonderful trip that is worthy of some planning. I want to dance, I want to travel, I want some lovely clothing, I want a nice retirement account. I want time to enjoy it all. This all takes planning.

I was talking to my good friend about why she broke up with her boyfriend recently. And of course, as women do, it was a long juicy conversation over a bottle of wine. But one of the frustrations she brought up was his inability to plan. There were so many fun things she wanted to do. And yet he literally seemed allergic to planning. This meant they either wandered around aimlessly in their free time together, or she planned something fun for them to do.

None of this bode well for their future.

She knows that with planning, all things are possible, from going to Paris to creating a life with someone full of joy and love.

Planning and Creativity

Planning. It is as simple a question as “What do I need and want this month?” Then creativity comes into play as we balance this with our incomes and larger goals. The truth is that creativity responds to articulated needs. When we list out what we need, our creative brain takes on the job of figuring out how to make it happen.

Planning is FULL of creativity. Sometimes, if my resources are going towards a larger financial goal (from paying off debt to building up savings) there may not be a lot of discretionary money left over. Then I ask myself, “how do I creatively get my needs met this month on less money?” My current needs don’t disappear just because I am also focused on larger financial goals. Too often we do not bring creativity into our money lives. We assume that either things work, or they don’t. And if we suspect things “don’t work” then we don’t want to plan. What is the point, we ask?

But planning your spending means you sit down and find a way to make it work. You find a way to get your needs met. You find a way to have what you truly want.

If my need is to spend time with my friends, I may need to find creative ways to see them for less money. Maybe it is over drinks, instead of dinner. Maybe they come to my house for dinner. Planning my spending helped me figure this out.

If I want to go back to school and need more time, maybe I rent out my spare room so I can work less. Planning helps me creatively think through financial possibilities.

All things are possible with planning. It is true that Rome was not built in a day. But a little planning goes a long way.

With enough planning, I was able to find the time to take art classes, as well as the money to pay for an art program. Planning enables me to travel for tango. With planning I was even able to build a second home that I rent out.

Planning your spending IS magic.

It is a blueprint that you can follow to create a life you have dared not dream about.

The art of planning your spending IS the art of planning your life.

So tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild, and precious life?

Podcast: Women of a Certain Age talk about money

August 11, 2022Emotional Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

Listen to this saucy conversation on women and money, as host Denise Vivaldo chats it up with Mikelann Valterra. They hit it ALL, including what really motivates spenders vs. savers, stories about how siblings in the same family are so very different with money (and why), and stories of women underselling themselves until Mikelann and Denise show them a different way. Mikelann also talks about the power of simplifying your finances so you are less stressed. Plus: what happens when “opposites attract” get married, and then money comes up? Oh boy. This is a super fun conversation to listen to as these two bold women have a no-holds barred conversation about what money is REALLY like for “women of a certain age”. And it’s loaded with ideas you can use. Enjoy!

https://womenbeyond.podbean.com/e/beating-financial-anxiety-with-mikelann-valtera/

Podcast: Get older, stay cool and protect your passions

July 31, 2022PodcastsSeattleMoneyCoach

When Kristen Philipkoski, who hosts the popular online Mean Magazine (Mean Magazine — Lifestyle and irreverence for grown women (tagline: Get Older, Stay Cool), invited me to chat, I jumped at the chance. We talked about it all! Here is what host Kristen said about our conversation:

“One of my biggest takeaways from Mikelann was that the more you know about your spending, the less you will have to think about money. If you get clear on exactly where your money is going, and then decide what is most important to YOU, you can create a life where you get everything you need, don’t waste money on things you don’t care about, and actually think about money less.

What a blessing that would be, right?!

We talk about how to get control of your money, the importance of having a passion that brings you joy (hers is Argentine tango), why opposite money personalities tend to partner up, and so much more…”

Here is the link to listen:

Mikelann Valterra talks money anxiety and the importance of protecting your passions — Mean Magazine

Podcast: Dealing with Financial Anxiety

July 11, 2022Emotional Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

The airwaves took me to Australia this month where I guested on Financial Advisor and Money Mindset Coach Amie Baker’s podcast, Centsability. Listen to this lively conversation where we cover it all. Why do women stress over money? What do our childhoods have to do with how we feel about money? How can we feel truly abundant? This is a deep dive and you’ll love it.

Dealing With Financial Anxiety | EP38 (podbean.com)

How to create a life you love after divorce

June 14, 2022Emotional Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

Dare I say there is a silver lining to divorce? Well, there is. You get a fresh start in so many ways. And your relationship to money is one of these “fresh start opportunities”.

Now that you are single, you get to do money the way YOU want to. However, we all know that post-divorce, you may be stressed about money. There is sometimes less money, different expenses, potential career changes, and houses that must be settled. In the midst of so much chaos, you may think, how can there be anything positive? The positive is that this new life is YOURS. You can set up fresh accounts at your own bank, pay bills the way you want to, and spend on what matters to YOU.

More than this, divorce gives us an opportunity to engage in “conscious life design”. That’s my way of saying- create a life that YOU love- a life of your own making.

Creating Your New Life

I have studied psychology and how to create a life of your own choosing, for many years. There are wonderful tools- from vision boards to all sorts of ways to “desire map” your life. (Danielle LA Porte’s “The Desire Map” is on my favorite book list.) But what is often missing from the conversation about “how to create an amazing life” and “how to manifest your life goals” is the money piece. When you infuse money- how to handle it, think about it, use it wisely– you really CAN create a life of your choosing.

Money is the ultimate tool for designing a new life you love.

I wish so many of us didn’t have to divorce to get to this piece. But so many people marry young, and create busy lives with years full of children, career and our marriage partnership. And money is often a topic of frustration between couples with differing styles, so years can go by without people looking at it clearly, let alone getting a good handle on it.

But now everything has changed. And you can use learning about money as a personal growth opportunity just for you. You can take the time to examine your emotions around money, your history around money, and your early money beleifs. Money IS emotional- and being able to examine our feelings around money- feelings about spending, earning, how much money there is, what we wish we could do, etc, is a huge game changer.

Women are creative in this phase of life.

We are creative beings. And women in this phase of life are extremely creative. On the other side of divorce, we are freed up from the drive to “have children” and sometimes we are freed up in other ways as well. We look at everything with fresh eyes. Why? Well, we have to. Everything HAS changed, so it forces us to assess everything. We end up assessing our friendships- old ones strengthen, some friendships wither away, and new friendships come into being.

We often think about how we are dressing and taking care of ourselves, now that it is just us. We think about what WE want our homes to look like and feel like. We find fresh energy for our careers. We engage with our children in truly thoughtful and meaningful ways, as we help them weather a family divorce as well.

Divorce shakes us out of ruts. I don’t mean to make it all sound fun. Heck, it’s hard work. But none-the-less, like the phoenix rising from the ashes, we are reborn into a new life. So learning how to handle money in a lovely and easy way, ensures this new life is one we consciously create. Not just something that happens to us.

A tip for you- keep things simple

Here is a tip- use this as an opportunity to clean up accounts and start fresh- keep things simple and elegant, so you have an easy time seeing where all your money is going and coming from. Open up new accounts all at the same bank, and keep it simple. I recommend opening one checking account, one attached savings account and one credit card account at the same bank. This way you can log onto one interface and see all your accounts in one place. And refrain from opening up multiple accounts. Again, keep it simple.

Here is a video I recorded on how to simplify your financial life. It’s perfect if you just went through a divorce. (Three minutes)

And here is the accompanying article I wrote on the art and magic of simplifying your finances.

You can do it

You really can create a new life that you love, during this pivotal transition. This is an opportunity to hit the reset button on your relationship to money. You can let go of unhealthy ways of relating to money and really befriend it. Truly. And since it is just you, you can create a relationship with money that suits YOU.

The process I coach people on is perfect for women post-divorce. It is about how to create a life you love, using your relationship to money as a way to craft it. It’s about getting a handle on expenses, and learning to plan where your money goes, so you don’t create debt. It’s about learning how to manage your cash flow to avoid financial stress, rebuild savings and move into the future so you can work on growing your net worth. If you are curious about the tool I use and recommend for tracking and planning, it is www.moneygrit.com

Once it is just you, you can really give everything a fresh shot. There is no one telling you what to do. There is no one to react to. You get to spend the way you want, you get to decorate the way you want, you get to sleep in the middle of the bed and hang that picture he hated. 😉

So- since we have to “deal with money” anyways, why not use it as a vehicle for personal growth AND a way to create and design a life you love?

The sacred duty of funding your passions

May 10, 2022Emotional Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

Back in 2017, I attended a tango class for beginners – and low and behold I fell in love with this complex and beautiful dance between the sexes. It started as just a weekly dance class, but as time went on, I become more deeply involved, until it blossomed into a passion that consumes a lot of time. Ah, such heaven. But it also consumes a fair amount of money… From classes, to dances, to private lessons to travel to shoes…

Many of my clients also have engaging hobbies- horseback riding, mountain climbing, drag racing, bee keeping, sailing, oil painting… The list goes on. It’s actually one of my favorite parts of my practice- learning about and supporting people’s different interests. And I consider it a sacred duty to help people find the money to pursue interests that they fear they can’t afford.

Having a passion, or an engaging hobby, adds such zest to your life. It’s about enjoying life in the now and living fully in the present. We can’t live only for a future where debts are paid off and retirement is funded. We have to also live in the present and enjoy the life we have right now.

So- the question is- how do we live our financial lives in balance and make sure that we are also attending to the future needs of retirement, as well as taking care of life necessities like home maintenance and the needs of dependent children? The answer is to work with a nourishing monthly spending plan, protect your needs while also naming your wants, and then develop an annual plan to create the lifestyle you want. Read on.

Naming our passions is powerful

I could write a book about the power of creating a monthly spending plan process, but in a few short paragraphs, a spending plan is about creating a plan for where you want to spend your money, and making sure that what is important to you, is protected. It also allows you to see how to reallocate your resources from places that are less important to places that are more important- like your passions.

It is important to give your interests room in your money life. Don’t deny them! And the best way to protect them is to fully name them in your personal spending plan. A colleague of mine, Bari Tessler, author of The Art of Money, calls this “values-based bookkeeping”. Giving your values a personalized name, helps ensure that you not only name, but claim what is important to you. And a plan gives you a roadmap to actually make it happen- it ensures that when you decide where your money goes, the money goes to tango class and doesn’t leak out the door to things that may be nice, but don’t bring you as much JOY.

Each month I create a monthly plan and within it are predictable things like bills, the mortgage payment and other life necessities, as well as my tango plan for the month. You would see my plan for classes, and dances and of course shoes. I may see I need to spend less money eating out to protect this dance passion. Which brings us to the hot topic of needs vs. wants…

Creativity in Spending- Needs Vs. Wants

We often confuse our needs and our wants. And in things that we are passionate about, we simply don’t think clearly. It feels like a combined NEED/WANT/DESIRE.

Discerning needs from wants is a core tenet in creating a healthy relationship to money and in creating a healthy life. To put it simply, we want to make sure we fund our real needs first, before we spend money on our wants. As my colleague Karen McCall writes (author of Financial Recovery– developing a healthy relationship with money), faulty electrical wiring in the walls should be taken care of in our home before we cover the walls with pretty wallpaper!

However, when we think of our passions as “just wants” we begin to fear that we can’t afford them or shouldn’t spend money on them. We may feel they are a luxury. Indeed, some people feel like everything outside of basic housing and food is a want. And yes, it can feel confusing when there are people in the world starving while we have plenty to eat. So who are we to say that dancing, or horseback riding, is a need?

It is different for everyone, of course, but many passions are good for our emotional, physical and/ or spiritual health. They are part of how we enjoy the life we have. They keep us anchored to the present instead of always waiting for the future to arrive.

When I ask my friend Ken if he wants to go out dancing, he will often respond, “I NEED to go out dancing”. Dancing regularly is key to his physical health, as well as keeping him anchored in community and friends. Name and claim this need.

But of course there are wants too. I may “need” to dance, for my own health and happiness as well, but I also want nicer dance clothes, more dance shoes and travel to tango festivals in faraway places. So it helps me to differentiate between what I need vs. what I want. To help you think through your own needs vs wants conundrum, I will share some of mine:

I need to dance. I want to dance in Bueno Aires.
I need good tango shoes that support and protect my feet. I want five pairs of glittery shoes in different colors.
I need clothes that don’t make me feel self-conscious. I want new pretty clothes from fancy stores.
I need community and time with my friends. I want to eat in nice restaurants before every dance.

Darn those needs vs. wants. But once I thought through it, I saw I could meet the needs- and even some of the wants- by getting creative. For example, I could see my friends (need) by only meeting them for drinks instead of dinner, or inviting my friends to my house for a potluck meal. I could buy my first tango shoes in a neutral color that go with everything (tan). And I could switch to consignment store shopping to afford all the fun clothes I now wanted. (I quickly realized that all my tango friends already figured this one out.)

What about you? You may need a decent saddle but want a new fancy one. You may need art supplies but you may want a LOT of art supplies. You may need to sail but want to buy your own boat. And so it goes.

(For a deeper dive, see my post on how discern your real needs and heal deprivation.)

Life Style Decisions

And what about traveling to Bueno Aires? It’s a rare tango dancer who doesn’t think about that one. And this brings us to the last subject: working with an annual plan.

I have an annual plan (budget) and that is where I dream and debate the big picture. Annual plans are the place to make decisions and see what you really can and cannot afford. They are where we strive to create a balanced lifestyle where our spending is under our income. (I use and recommend MoneyGrit. for creating both monthly and annual spending plans.)

So could I afford to go to Bueno Aires? Well, when I added up all the tango related expenses that I wanted to protect, as well as some travel to smaller festivals, Bueno Aires did not work. (Obviously, my annual plan has many non-tango related expenses as well, like helping my son with college.) Alas. So next year, I will definitely strategize how to get it in. In the meantime, I’ll enjoy local dance festivals and time with friends.

What do YOU want to protect?

I have many priorities, like funding retirement, but I really do want to protect tango. So what interests and passions do YOU want to protect? If you name what gives you joy, and prioritize this, you can protect it. Even if you have to find creative ways to enjoy your interests, your interests deserve time and attention. They are part of living a well-balanced- and a well-lived- life.

I’m off to dance.

How to coach women to greater abundance

March 17, 2022Featured PostSeattleMoneyCoach

Whether you are a therapist, a life coach, business coach or money coach, you are in a position to help women create better lives for themselves. It is sacred and intimate work being invited into someone’s life. Of the many topics you work with, I want to invite you to add money to your list. So many women long to have more freedom, create a life of their own choosing, and have less stress, but often one of the culprits that holds them back is money.

There are many aspects to our relationship to money—from how we feel about our spending to our relationship to debt and savings. But the fuel that underlies many money subjects is our relationship to earning money. When we make enough money, there is enough for spending, debt repayment, savings, investing, giving back and enjoying life in general.

Most women know that the key to life is not money. And being “rich” does not make one happy. But having “enough” IS key to a happy and balanced life.

Does your client (or friend) want to earn more? Would this help her meet her needs better now, and secure her future? Will she sleep better if she earned more?

If so, how do you support her in increasing her income? The first key to talk about it. Money is still often a taboo subject, even in counseling and coaching, but it is time to break the silence. This silence keeps women earning far less than they could.

How do you broach the subject? At some point gently ask, “Would it be okay if we talk about your relationship to earning money? I’d love to explore that with you.”

From there, it is a matter of asking questions. Women are very self-reflective, if given the opportunity and a genuine listening ear.

You may share that sometimes people love their work but not the money they earn for it. And for others, it is the opposite—they make good money but don’t love their job. What is true for them?

My favorite money tool—MoneyGrit.®

March 4, 2022MoneyMinderSeattleMoneyCoach

The other day someone asked me what financial program I recommend. That is an easy one for me—MoneyGrit. The answer is easy, but the question is, why?

My client Jenny comes to mind. Jenny has been my client for many years, so I don’t see her as often as I used to. Once a quarter we get together and talk about her money life. We use MoneyGrit. to look at her annual spending plan and see how her year and goals are unfolding. We talk about her self-care plan, we discuss ways to increase her net worth and fund some big dreams she has, and then I support her in increasing her income. Years ago, I taught her how to manage her cashflow and get out of debt. I was struck by the story Jenny told me recently.

She has a child who has some developmental challenges and had come across a new form of therapy that could potentially really help him. But it was very expensive. So, on Sunday night, when she sat down to track her money, she said to herself, “I’ll adjust my monthly spending plan in my MoneyGrit. with this big new expense and see what happens. Can I afford it?” Then she excitedly told me, “Well, when I went to the part that tells me if this plan works, I was shocked that it did! After all these years, I’m still amazed how this process brings my stress down. Mikelann, what do other people do who don’t have a way to get these answers?”

The short answer is most people are more stressed about money.

Jenny uses MoneyGrit. to give her a sense of calmness about her money life. Life in general can feel chaotic and MoneyGrit. creates a calm oasis for her when she sits down once a week to track her money and look at her spending plan. She does this on Sunday evenings and it gives her a sense of control over the coming week.

Does it work magically? No. But MoneyGrit. provides you with the perspective and tools you need to make the right decisions and take the right actions.

I recently had a huge opportunity come up regarding travel and tango dancing. I really wanted to go to this festival, but when I adjusted my own monthly spending plan with the airplane ticket and hotel, it did not work. So, I had to move to the level of looking at my annual plan in MoneyGrit. and see if I could make it work out in some way. Was there something else I could let go of later in the year, so I could make the trip and not have my savings plans and other goals interrupted? (After some thought, I decided to go, and wait on buying a big piece of furniture I had my eye on.)

What I love about MoneyGrit. is that it helps me look at my options. This helps me feel in control. I have created a wonderful life, and money is a sacred tool in that creation. But things do not always go according to the original plan. Opportunities arise. Unexpected expenses hit.

As I tell my clients, “You can have anything you want. But you can’t have everything you want.” My clients and I love having a tool that helps us see our options and lets us decide what we are willing to give up or postpone. MoneyGrit. provides the insights we need to take advantage of a new opportunity or roll with a sudden expense—and this is huge. And sometimes the key to good money management is all about finding a more creative way to get something done. I love this. Seeing the whole picture is so important and MoneyGrit. helps you do this.

I also teach people how to unlock their earning power. (My course page is here: Unlock Your Earning Power). I truly love the power of MoneyGrit.’s annual plan for helping my clients and students create an “earnings plan” and accurately see how much they really need to make. MoneyGrit. then helps them make the earning plan become a reality. Self-employed users also harness the power of an earnings plan when they use the business version of MoneyGrit. I love this. No other software does this.

Money programs should help you see where you spend your money, stay out of debt, and not create new debt while you pay off old debt. And they should also help you see your whole life and allow you to consciously create and craft a lifestyle you love, while helping you easily see what you earn and spend, so you can make the best decisions.

I can go on and on about MoneyGrit., but that is not the point of this post. You can visit their sales page to read about its features and benefits, (www.moneygrit.com). I do use all its features with my clients, in addition to using MoneyGrit. both for my own personal and business finances. There are two versions of MoneyGrit.—a business version and a personal finance version. I use both, as do many of my clients. (Disclaimer: while I am an occasional consultant to MoneyGrit., I do not get paid for recommending it!)

Ultimately, a tool is just a tool. Buying a beautiful new cookbook and gorgeous dishes won’t manifest dinner on the table (trust me, I’ve tried that one). Tools must be learned. (And “yes”, you’ll learn it faster with a coach, but “no” you don’t need one). MoneyGrit. has great support for all its users. But it is really about the intention under the tool. MoneyGrit., in my opinion, is a wonderful tool for creating a conscious life and sustainable lifestyle. It’s a tool that allows us to better use money as the sacred means for creating the life you want.

Ready to earn more and step into greater freedom? Click here to be notified of the next time Mikelann offers her 8 week Unlock Your Earning Power course.

Tapping your inner awareness for outer financial change

February 24, 2022Metaphysical Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

The idea of change can be overwhelming, especially when it comes to money. We love the idea of goals, but at the same time, feel overwhelmed by them. We may love the idea of having more money and less debt, but then are immediately distressed by the thought of how to get there. The key lies in beginning to make some shifts inside ourselves, like planting small seeds, since most of us know that true change comes from within. But how to do this?

Recently, I was reading Loyalty to Your Soul: The Heart of Spiritual Psychology (one of my favorite subjects). The authors talk about how to use what happens in our daily life to grow spiritually. And one exercise they shared is four steps to shift things in your life that you wish were different. I immediately thought of money and all the changes that people long to make in their financial life. So, while the authors (Ron and Mary Hulnick) don’t talk about finance, their steps definitely apply, and I want to share them.

First, let’s stop for a moment and think about why making a change can feel so overwhelming. What is going on inside of us?

Part of the dilemma of making a shift is that when we contemplate making a change, we are assailed by pangs of remorse over how we have handled, or not handled, some financial matter. So, when we debate taking more personal ownership for our actions, we immediately feel guilt. We get caught up in the self-blame game and beat ourselves up. However, as the Hulnicks write, “if it is your intention to live from within a Soul-Centered context, what you want to do is accept what IS without judgement, take 100 percent responsibility for your choices, and begin making more positive choices”.

The key is to not judge yourself for what is. We are all enrolled in the school of life, and we are all learning from what we’ve gone through. All of us! Everyone’s money story is full of twists and turns. The question is how to make a shift—if what you are experiencing is no longer working. And how do you make a shift in a gentle way that leads to real change?

Here is how, in four steps:

1. What would you like to be different?

Allow yourself to get very quiet, breathe deeply for a while, and try to enter into a state of calmness. Light a candle perhaps or get your journal out. Then allow yourself to identify a current situation that you would like to be different for you, regarding money.

For example, perhaps you are stressed that you do not have any money in savings. You fear that if something happened to your job or income stream, you would be in a difficult situation. You would like to have at least a couple months of savings in the bank to cover you. But you don’t, and you feel frustrated and stressed by this.

2. Are you aware of any choices (inner or outer) you are making that are helping to maintain the current situation?

Perhaps you think that you don’t deserve to have savings, and that you don’t really like thinking about the future. And perhaps in the outer world, you name the fact that you have not opened a savings account dedicated to this kind of savings. Or perhaps you have this savings account set up, but you have not set up an automatic transfer of money each month from your checking to your savings account. You are also aware that you are maintaining the current situation of not having money in savings because you are going out to eat four night a week, and this is draining your account.

Remember, you are not judging yourself. You are simply naming the various choices you are currently making that may be keeping the current situation going. If you are stuck, try finishing these statements: “Inwardly I am aware that… Outwardly I seem to be choosing to do…. Outwardly, I seem to not be taking any action on…”

3. Brainstorm other possibilities

Now brainstorm the possibility of other choices that could give you different results. As the Hulnicks write, “It’s not that you have to do anything differently; can you simply see any alternatives?”

In our example, you could choose to tell yourself that you do deserve to have savings. And that the future is a positive thing, and you welcome it. (Though you may not currently believe these things, you can say them.) You see that it is possible to set up a new savings account online with your bank. Or you imagine that it’s possible to set up a monthly transfer of a small amount of money from your checking to a dedicated savings account. It may also be possible to eat out twice a week instead of four.

These are all simply possibilities. That is all—just possibilities. This is not about taking action. Simply allow yourself to brainstorm.

4. Visualize

This last step is about visualization and planting a new seed. Think back to your brainstorming. You want to pick some of these ideas to visualize. Which ones draw you, or strike you as having possibilities?

Visualize yourself in the process of making these new choices, and visualize this in the present moment, present tense. This is not about committing to actually doing anything different right now! This step is about visualizing yourself making different choices. See yourself taking different actions. Imagine what it would feel like to take these actions.

You may see yourself getting online with a cup of coffee and setting up a new account. You may see yourself setting up automatic transfers. You visualize talking with your close friends about going out to eat at less expensive restaurants, or only two days a week. You see yourself sharing your money goals with your close girlfriends. You tell yourself, “I am worthy of having savings.” You visualize all of this in detail, including the feelings.

Remember, this step is not about action. It is about visualization.

And here is the key with this last step. I want you to imagine doing this visualization every day for a month. Yes, that’s right—a month! Whether it is first thing in the morning or when you go to bed at night, run through this visualization. Our outward behavior shifts when our inner thoughts and feelings shift. So commit to visualizing this every day.

How will you do this? Can you put a reminder on your phone? Can you put a card on your pillow that you see when you go to bed each night? How will you go through this visualization every day for 30 days?

True change

True change comes when we first see it internally. Don’t force change on yourself without trying to gently give your mind and emotions a new possibility. Behavior follows thoughts and feelings, not the other way around. So now is the time to begin to write a new internal program.

The daily repetition of this visualization will lay down new potent seeds in your mind and spirit. Then taking actions becomes easier and easier. In time, new actions bloom in the outer realm of your life, grounded in the fertile soil of your inner shifts.

Ready to earn more and step into greater freedom? Click here to be notified of the next time Mikelann offers her 8 week Unlock Your Earning Power course.

Fear, Dread, and Leaky Roofs: 4 steps to vanquishing your money fears

February 17, 2022Practical Money PathSeattleMoneyCoach

The kitchen ceiling

It was a dark and rainy night, and I was returning home from the dance studio where I had been happily dancing Tango. Money was definitely not on my mind. Rather, tango dresses occupied my thoughts. I walked in the door and my 12-year-old niece who lives with me, ran to me. “Auntie! There’s water coming out of the ceiling in the kitchen! Come!” My heart in my throat, I raced to the kitchen where sure enough, I could see water dripping slowly from three places. It was hitting the table and forming a pool on the floor.

I could feel my throat constrict, my vision narrow, and panic well up in my gut. I then ranted, both out loud and inside my head: “What am I going to do?! This will cost a fortune! There goes my travel plans when the pandemic ends! I just finished the remodel! Why oh why?!” My niece, less triggered in the moment, got a bucket out.

I stormed out of the kitchen and retreated to my bedroom, unable to temporarily control my emotions in the face of impending doom. The world was ending, the sky was falling, and the roof was caving in.

Signs of being triggered

I knew some of my core fears were being triggered. “Triggered” generally means you experience a surge of fear and anxiety, and bleak emotions descend and take hold of you. Underneath the panic lurks some of our core fears. We all get emotionally stirred up, but how do we know when we are financially triggered? For me, I know my core fears are provoked when:

My thinking slows down and gets fuzzy. (My brain capacity seems to narrow down to the width of a straw…)
I can’t really hear people around me (possibly giving me sound advice)
I can hear myself catastrophizing
I feel trapped and tell myself there are no options
I go into black and white thinking

What about you? How do you know when you are deeply triggered? How do you react? Do you feel it in a part of your body like a stomachache or anxiety in your chest? Where does your mind race to? Knowing you are triggered is a sign to stop and look deeper, before taking action.

Our top money fear

When I looked deeper, I knew it was my biggest money fear coming up, “Something bad will happen and I won’t survive financially”. Usually it is just shortened to: something had will happen and I won’t survive.

This core fear is the number one fear that women have around money. (And many men too.) We fear something bad happening, and suddenly the future is in jeopardy. What if we get injured and can’t work? What if our child gets sick? What if a storm damages our house so bad…?

Worry, worry, worry. Our nightmares take us to living under a bridge, or at the mercy of other’s financial help (living on a friend’s couch?) We fear that when disaster strikes, we will come up short financially and we will not be safe.

Author Rachel Cruze wrote about money fears in her newly released book, Know yourself, Know your money. “Every single one of us either has or has had fears about money. In fact, studies show that not having enough money is one of the top things American’s fear most. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or make, everyone has experienced fear around money…. The kind of fear that wakes you up at one o’clock in the morning in a sweat with your heart racing…”

And part of the problem with money fear, she writes, is that “fear narrows the mind’s focus to survival only and blocks out creativity.” It’s hard to solve problems when all creativity has vanished.

At times, our money fear is about the present—I’m afraid I can’t weather something bad happening, like a leaky roof, and then I won’t be able to pay my bills this month. Sometimes it is about the murky future. This usually goes, “If something really bad happens, my future is threatened. I’ll have to work forever or be dependent on others…” etc. etc.

Home and security

For me, and for a lot of women, many of our money fears do get wrapped up in security, and this is often very connected to our homes. It is why so many women desperately fight to keep the home in a divorce, whether they can afford it or not.

My home is everything. It is my refuge. I am the ultimate home body. Perhaps it is because I am a solid introvert, but my home is truly important. It is both real security (no landlord can kick me out) and it is emotional security. To have my home, of all things, feel unstable, was deeply triggering. Generally, if something bad happens, I retreat to my home. This is true for many of us.

So how to move forward and come out of fear that we won’t survive something bad happening?

Dissolving Our Money Fears- Four Steps

Step One: Notice you are being triggered.

Go back and look at the trigger list. What are your triggers? Then ask yourself, what is the worst-case scenario you envision, and how likely is it to happen? Is the world really ending? Is catastrophe eminent? Is your life being threatened? Generally, the answer is no.

As I said above, when I notice my thinking slowing down, or I am catastrophizing, or my options are very extreme (black and white thinking) I know I am triggered. This tells me to slow down, not make any decisions, and repeat to myself, “I am okay, I will get through this. The answers are coming.” I repeat this over and over. And then I move to step two.

Step Two: List your resources.

Second, start listing out resources: money, people, ideas. Remember, when you are gripped with money fear, your creativity dwindles. So you will likely need help brainstorming. This is normal.

When the roof was leaking, I was seriously freaked out. And I had no idea what to do. (Fuzzy thinking.) So my list was: 1. Call my mom and see if she had advice, or any names of roofing people, since she was doing work on her house. 2. Text my boyfriend, rant a bit, and tell him I needed to brainstorm with him the next day about roof stuff. 3. Call my friend Ken who has done a lot of contracting in his life. I asked him if he would come over and look at the roof with me and help me think about next steps. 4. Eventually, as I calmed down, I added to the list to call my old contractor and see if he could come and give me advice too. (Sometimes I post for ideas on Facebook.)

The point with step two is that you don’t need to have answers yet. Listing out resources, such as people you can talk to, will help you find the answers. You simply may need help brainstorming.

Step Three: Look at your savings.

The top antidote to money fears is to have emergency savings in the bank. There is no greater help. I teach my clients to save for “periodic expenses” so they can cover unexpected expenses that periodically happen. Why? Because periodically, we all have the unexpected happen. Don’t expect life not to happen. Oh, it happens… So, while I still didn’t have any answers, I felt a bit better after I brainstormed initial options with people and then looked at my savings. I certainly did not have a budget line labeled “Roof Repair”, let alone “New Roof” but looking at what I had in savings did help me feel like the world wasn’t ending. There WAS money in savings for upcoming trips, furniture, and other larger expenses.

The next day I made the calls and started gathering info.

Step Four: Look at your annual plan.

Eventually, by the next week, I had enough information that I sat down with my annual spending plan and came up with a plan. Part of why I am so keen on helping people learn how to plan, and ADJUST their spending when things happen, is that there is literally nothing that helps more with financial stress than having a plan. (My favorite tool for doing an annual spending plan is www.moneygrit.com)

Time and time again my money plan has calmed me down. I do not relish having to cut something, or wait on buying something, but compared to the fear of impending doom? I’ll take a money plan any day!!

Eventually, I had a good plan and was less freaked out. (I’m replacing part of my roof.)

We ALL get triggered around money. Know this is normal. The key is to calm ourselves, and begin to brainstorm. Yes, it is ideal to also have some savings and a plan. Savings is simply one of our resources. So while we can’t predict what will happen, we can do certain things now that will calm us the next time the roof starts leaking, like starting a savings fund.

Fears may come up, but it IS possible to dissolve them and breathe easier, knowing you will be okay.

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