“If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us we’d be millionaires” – Abigail Van Buren

Raise your hand if you’ve never made a mistake with money or never had a financial regret. Anyone? I thought not. We’ve all made mistakes with money.  I know I have.

So many women beat themselves up for how they’ve dealt with- or not dealt with- money. So we have to start this conversation with forgiveness.

First of all, everyone has made mistakes. Everyone. Some of us are mad that we incurred credit card debt. (I was upset with myself about that one.) Some of us regret not saving more money.  (I really got down on myself for that one too.)

Some of us feel we made a mistake buying a house we could not afford, or taking out large student loans. Some of us realize how much we have undersold ourselves. (I was shocked when I realized that people around me had asked for more money at one of my jobs. I hadn’t even negotiated!) People make all sorts of mistakes. Everyone has made mistakes and everyone has money regrets. Join the club. There’s plenty of room.

To compound our woes, we rarely talk about them. When we make relationship mistakes, we often hash over the “I can’t believe I did that” with girlfriends over a glass of wine. But when it comes to money, we can be extremely self-critical—suffering pangs of regret and remorse- replaying our money mistakes over and over in our head– mostly in isolation.

So I want you to consider the idea that you are NOT alone. Everyone has made money mistakes!

And now I want you to consider that it is time to forgive yourself so you can move on. One of my favorite quotes is this Victoria Holt quote -“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience!” And oh yeah, we’ve all got a heck of a lot of experiences.

I know you’ve heard it said that you did the best you could at the time, with where you were and what you knew. And that’s true. To err is human, remember. And you ARE human.

But I also want you to consider this- your health, emotional and physical- NEEDS you to forgive yourself. Every study done on the subject of forgiveness tells us that not forgiving actually harms our health. You are more prone to illness when you don’t forgive yourself.

So can you imagine saying, “I need to move on for the sake of my health?”

Some people have a hard time forgiving because they confuse it with forgetting. But they are not the same. You do not have to forget. You can use what has happened in your life around money as amazing fuel to move you forward. But you deserve to forgive yourself. What happened is one piece of your life, but it is not YOU.

Here is my vote: find the silver lining- so what is the silver lining? What did you learn? The school of hard knocks is hard, but it isn’t called a “school” for nothing. What would you do differently now? If this hadn’t happened, might it have happened in the future in a bigger or different way? There is a learning here. Find it.

For me, I was embarrassed about having credit card debt, and about not making enough money. I didn’t want to talk about it. But I thought about it- a lot. When I finally let myself talk about it, I could hear how self-critical I was. And once I started sharing my feelings, I experienced a huge sense of relief.

When I began to reflect on my financial life, I realized I had learned a lot. And I needed to experience what didn’t work in order to seek a new way.

Remember, to make mistakes is human. And making money mistakes does NOT define who we are. What we do about them, though, does say a lot. It is our capacity to see and learn and grow that makes us amazing human beings. Transforming and healing your relationship to money is a sacred journey, full of twists and turns at times. But it is a journey none-the-less. Is it time to forgive yourself so you can continue the journey?

Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.