Melody Ivory asked me a great question when she interviewed me recently (listen to the first audio with Melody- 12:58 minutes)—what is the most difficult part of being an agent of change? Said another way, what is the most difficult part of being successful? The answer was easy. The most difficult part of success to me is having to be so visible. I have to really put myself out there, and that is stressful and anxiety-provoking. I really do want people to like me, like most people pleasers, and I know that if I am really visible, chances are that I will rub someone the wrong way. Yep, not everyone will like me. Gulp.

My friend Joan Casey, a therapist who specializes in boundary issues, always says if everyone likes you, you must be doing something strange. Not everyone in the world is going to like you! If they do, you must be pretty bland Yuck. I don’t want to be bland.

And the truth is that I am pretty intense, and this intensity comes across in my talks. Undoubtedly my intensity rubs some people the wrong way. I could “tone it down”, but I don’t. I figure that people will self-select. I am simply too much for some people, or they don’t like my style. That is the way it is. That is not to say that I don’t strive to be a better speaker/facilitator/teacher. We can all improve our skills. And my topic is very sensitive, so I do need to be careful at times. But the truth remains that I am pretty intensive and I like to get down to brass tacks- both practically and emotionally. So there.

Having said all there, it is still difficult for me to really put myself out there at times. I suffer from the Good Girl Syndrome like so many others. Of course I want people to like me and I don’t like to piss people off. I really don’t. (Though I confess that making people a little uncomfortable at times can be a useful thing to create change…..)

The real question is this: how do I manage my anxiety and stress? Not having anxiety and stress doesn’t seem to be an option. I’m always growing, always at my own leading edge of change. I don’t sit still. So I use “The Sisterhood”. I have great women friends who are also self-employed. And we talk. I mean, we really talk. And walk. (And drink sometimes too.) My friend Kathy Clayton is a great personal coach in Seattle. And she is amazingly honest and self-revealing with her friends. We walk around our local park and share what is working and NOT working in our businesses. We share mistakes we’ve made. It’s amazing to me how it helps my stress to “confess” my foibles and mess-ups.

Create your own sisterhood. Start a dinner group of self-employed women. You will have the juiciest conversation imaginable. You simply must find ways to manage your anxiety so you can continue being visible. (Listen to Mikelann’s 12:58 minute interview)