Now-a-days we shop in person, by phone or on-line, and we enjoy spending our money on things we like. There is nothing wrong with enjoying shopping! I tell my clients this all the time, and they always seem surprised that a money coach would say such a thing. Furthermore, I want my clients to enjoy spending their money. Even after they’ve spent it.
And yet so often, this is where it goes wrong. We enjoy spending our money in the moment, (or more often we enjoy anticipating what we’ll buy) but later we regret it. If you regret your shopping afterwards, something is not working. Sometimes this regret is just a “feeling”—guilt, frustration, or feeling more financially foggy. Sometimes it is specific—we know we’ve added to our credit card debt, or not left enough money for other important values in our lives.
Here are seven common signs that your shopping may be problematic:
1. Your shopping has caused you to add to your credit card debt, or caused you to be unable to pay your credit card bill in full
2. Your shopping leaves you without enough money to save each month. You like the idea of funding a safety net, for example, but you never have enough money to make any serious progress.
3. Your home needs some important work or repairs, but there isn’t enough money to fund these projects
4. After you go shopping (in person, by phone or on-line) you feel worse than when you started. You feel depressed or anxious or irritable or guilty or secretive over what you’re bought
5. You feel like you need to work a lot to fund your lifestyle and can’t imagine being able to live on less
6. Financial stress sometimes overcomes you and you have a hard time sleeping. Perhaps you have stomach problems.
7. You long to be able to go back to school or take some creative classes, but feel you can’t afford more personal-development
The first key to dealing with a potential “over-shopping” issue is to stop and identify it. Did you resonate with any of those signs above? Most of us are doing the best we can. We work hard and take care of ourselves and often those around us. We don’t intentionally harm ourselves. But are we harming ourselves with our spending?
Shopping is a common way we relax and take some time to ourselves. It is often vilified, though. Shopping is seen as superficial. However, shopping can be about self-care. It can be about self-expression. It can be about going out and taking some time to yourself, or enjoying a friend. But if it’s causing you a problem (see that list above!) you must name the problem.
The second key is to know how much money you can spend. This may sound simple, and it is a very learnable skill, but most people honestly don’t know how much they can spend. They often spend if today there is enough money in their account. What if you had a plan each month that took care of your needs, including savings, and let you know what you could comfortably enjoy spending? Wow. Guilt free shopping.
The third key is knowing what gives you deep satisfaction, and targeting your money towards these deeper needs and desires. Is it about the clothes? Or do you simply need some time to yourself?
Last week, I was very stressed and overwhelmed. My mother-in-law, whom I was very close to, died. It has been hard… I’ve had very little time to myself and I’ve been crying a lot. I also didn’t have a lot of money. (Shocking—a money coach admits such a thing?) I was completing a home project and it was over budget with too many trips to the plumbing isle at Home Depot. It wasn’t the end of the world, but it did mean I couldn’t go out and spend $500 at Macy’s or Nordstrom! But I felt depleted and the idea of wandering in the mall and buying a “pick-me-up” appealed…
I looked at my money plan and decided I could blow $40 guilt free. Well, that wouldn’t get me far at the mall. Skip the mall. I need less frustration in my life—not more. So I headed to this swanky plant nursery here in Seattle and bought a latte’ and visited the plants. I spent an hour looking at the maples turning colors and enjoying all their artistic container gardens. (I’m a horrid gardener, by the way.) Then I went to the nursery’s yummy home shop that is full of candles and fragrances and little house “nesty” stuff. And I browsed—smelling 50 candles and spraying all the mists and touching all the soaps. I picked out the perfect home fragrance and a lovely bar of soap — a good quality expensive one—and happily headed home.
The point is this—I enjoyed the shopping. But I didn’t put myself in a situation where I would be frustrated (at a mall with forty bucks prone to blowing my plan and then feeling worse). I knew what I could spend. And I knew that deeper down, I was actually grieving. I really wanted some alone time to just walk and I needed to attend to my self care.
This is called “do-no-harm-spending”. Mikelann was not financially harmed during this shopping expedition. In fact, she was helped. (And my home smells great and that soap is amazing.)
I am so sorry to hear you had to deal with a loved one passing; that is never easy! But I love reading how you worked through the process of conscious spending . . . on the face of it, you “stuck to a budget,” but the actual experience was so much more meaningful than that!
So sorry about your mother-in-law.
I really enjoyed this post. I love the honesty and giving people a conscious alternative to going overboard with the shopping to try and fulfill something else.
That last sentence–sounds like a disclaimer: “No money coaches were harmed in the writing of this blog.” 🙂
Sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. I admire how you tackled “conscious spending” amidst stressful times like this. Many women tend to shop mindlessly especially if they’re under tremendous stress thinking that this is what they’re supposed to do in times like these.
I find setting your intention before you go shopping goes a long way. For instance if you are looking for black boots and you set the intention to find a classic style, high quality brand, that makes you feel good when you look at them for under X dollars. This is a recipe for success in my experience.
For me going to a store with a budget with no intention of what I am looking for usually ends in negative feelings wrapped around things I was not truly desiring. So now I set my intention before I go into any store.