As a money coach, I ask new clients about their relationship to food.
What? Why am I asking that? Because food issues and money issues are VERY related. They are the two most common things we turn to, to make ourselves feel better.
Think of it this way– when we are depressed, sad or angry, many of us will eat to make ourselves feel better or we’ll spend money to feel better. They are also how we sooth ourselves when we feel anxiety.
How about you? Have you ever had a bad fight with a friend or a boss and then found yourself out shopping? Or perhaps indulging in some yummy ice-cream?
We also turn to spending or eating when faced with fear of deprivation. When people start a weight loss program, for example, it is common for their spending to spiral out of control. They are afraid of being deprived in one area of their life so they turn to another area to indulge and prove to themselves that they are okay.
I’ve had many clients sheepishly confess to me that before coming to their first appointment with me they did some major shopping. Why? They were afraid that when they really looked at their money, they’d see they wouldn’t have enough. Now I know the truth is that when you truly look and learn how to take control of your finances, you learn how to truly take care of yourself. There is enough. But the initial fear is that of deprivation.
Food and money swing in the same orbit. We use food and money to reward ourselves. We use food and money to punish ourselves. (Sometimes we don’t spend enough money on ourselves and we don’t eat enough. We also deprive ourselves by underearning.)
Food and money are also related because they are both socially sanctioned. What I mean is this—you may have a major spending or eating issue, but no one calls you on it. However, if you have a cocaine issue, eventually (hopefully) someone will call for an intervention. Now you may say that food and money are both “legal substances”, so we don’t call anyone on their addiction to them. True. But so is alcohol.
I find that yet another reason food and money are so related is that there is no hard core “bottom line” for either. You can’t say to yourself, “I just won’t eat.” or “I just won’t spend money.” You have to eat and you have to spend. So what is the right amount? This where it gets very personal. You need to discover, for you, what your ‘bottom line behaviors” are around money. And they may be different than someone else’s.
For me, my bottom line financial behaviors are to track where I spend my money. If I don’t do this, I go into a money fog. And it’s so easy to overspend if I’m in a fog. I mean, hey—maybe everything’s okay, right?
Like it or not, food and money can be very related, though many of us tend to have one we turn to more than the other. So consider this all food for thought. What about you? What you’re feeling super emotional, do you turn more to spending or eating? What are you aware of?
I was at lunch with a large group of women last week. It was a cafeteria style place where you could get a 1/2 salad for 5.95 or a full salad for 6.95. The subject of savings came up, and I quickly calculated the extra dollar for that full salad ($1 x 5 times/week x 52 weeks/year = $260). None of the ‘full salad’ women ate their whole salad. So why do we spend that extra $1? What would it look like if instead of buying soda or ice tea when eating out, we drank water and put the $1.79 in a piggy bank? I think you have a great point that there’s collusion between our eating habits and spending habits!
Hi, This is great, I have a food psychology coach sponsoring my radio show and we talk about the similitude between her work and my work as a money coach. Thank you for this insight. I love it!
Hi Mikelann, Love this post and that the connections between how women use food and use money are being spoken about. After working for over 13 years as a psychotherapist supporting women to achieve peace in their relationship with food and body, and now specializing in empowering women in their relationship with money, the myriad ways that the behavior around these two ‘substances’ correlate continue to amaze me. As one of my clients, who struggles with both over-eating and over-spending,astutely commented, “they are both about borrowing from the future.” One ‘carries’ both excess weight and excess debt. Thanks for opening up this discussion!
Can I confess to an OPPOSITE – but equally troublesome – problem? I find that in times of stress I deny myself food, and the luxury of spending money. Of course this opens up a whole “Pandora’s Box” of pyschological blah-blah… But the point is that we should enjoy everything in moderation. In good times and in times of stress!
I would suggest that your weight gain was the result of not being able to weigh yourself. Just like I need to maintain a daily habit of checking in with my spending, I find I need to weigh myself daily. When I don’t weigh myself, I put on weight – because I am in a weight fog; when I don’t track my spending, I go into a money fog which results in my spending more.
I needed (no really) to update my wardrobe. I work with the public and strive to set the dress code standard that I expect from my staff. There was no breathing room in my finances and going shopping just felt too irresponsible and stressful so I have been shopping Value Village and Goodwill with great success. Rather than a scheduled “shopping trip” I drop in when I have a few extra minutes which I call Guerrilla Shopping. Just allowing 20 minutes here and there feels like a treat at a fraction of the price. Great post
Another relationship between money and food is that you can’t quit either one “cold turkey”. You still have to eat no matter how addicted you are, and you still have to pay the mortgage, no matter how much of a shopaholic you are.
This is the really bad part about being addicted to food or money – you can quit drugs or alcohol completely, but you can’t quit “using” food or money. You always have to “use” your addiction all day every day. Sort of like torture!
Good point of view Mikelann, the more you eat, the more money goes out of your pocket. This applies as well to men. The more you eat, the more you spend in food.
Thank you Mikelann for validating the food and money link. I have thought for years they were connected but because I heard no conversations about it, thought I must be wrong. Whew… what a relief!
Great comments– all!
Yes, Alison- I do think I gained the weight partly because I was not weighing my self. And the next question would be– why did I stop weighing myself?
And yes, Sandra- sometimes we deprive ourselves by not eating enough and not spending enough money. Both sides are problematic… And my parents always used to tell me “The key to life is moderation.”
Cynthia- I love the Gorilla shopping- it’s a creative way to get your needs met for less money! Woot!
Thanks for posting this. I’ve never paid any attention to my eating and spending/saving money habits. I eat pretty healthy most of the time, though I may not eat enough for fear of gaining weight. I know I do not spend money on myself instead toward bills; however, lately I’ve been spending that money on bettering my health by yoga, dentist work and chiropractic services. I do notice that when I have less money after paying bills, I spend less on food and when there’s a bit more money I make sure there’s enough in the frig for a few weeks – especially vegetables and fruits.
As a former eating disorders clinician and published author in that field, I could not agree more with your post. I now work with men and women as a finanical therapist and present on the topic nationally. The one area that I would caution folks on is that there are some people who do stop eating and do binge and purge who need professional clinical help. I am confident that Mikelann knows when and how to refer but for the rest of you out there just know if you struggle with food and weight concerns and want to look at how you might get some help, please visit medainc.org or nationaleatingdisorders.org. Both are wonderful non-profits dedicated to helping those who need coaching and therapy around these issues.
I don’t think it is an accident that my professional work went from banking and finance to being an eating disorders therapist to being a wealth coaching working with financial advisors and their clients on money issues. While on the surface it looks very un related, this post and Mikelann’s work only validates how truly interconnected these two issues are.
Kathleen
KBK Wealth Connection
http://www.kbkwealthconnection.com
After dropping my cat off at the vet for an overnight stay followed by a teeth-cleaning, I went right out and got myself some Mac n Cheese and ice-cream.
A fully conscious choice driven by anxiety.
Food is one area of life in which I stay vague about how much I spend, and which I always prioritize, even if I’m not sure if I have enough for rent. I buy food which will keep me healthy, but don’t track my spending or plan ahead. Yesterday for the first time I assessed how much I have to spend, made a list of everything I wanted/ needed (I am coincidentally startig a cleanse), figured out where I could get various things most cheaply,and METHODICALLY (not my strong point) bought everything I needed, spending exactly what I actually could afford. Now I have a full larder, some new recipes in mind, healthier food choices in my house, and a feeling that I’m taking care of myself.